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Obama Kicked Out Of Kenya, Visa Rescinded

President Obama left Kenya today after its President grew exasperated with Obama's incessant harping about "gay rights" during a visit that was supposed to be about security cooperation and trade.

written by Don Grapper, 26 July 2015
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Pentagon "Concerned" After 300 Recruiting Stations Simultaneously Bombed

The Pentagon today said it is "looking into" the bombing of over 300 Army recruiting stations. "We are wondering what the soldiers working at these centers did to provoke the explosions."

written by Don Grapper, 26 July 2015
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Missouri Refugees Flood Kansas

Lawrence, KS - Over 50,000 Missourians crossed the border into Kansas, fleeing civil war and genocide in their own state.

written by Don Grapper, 26 July 2015
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Illegal Immigrant Hammers Woman To Death In Minneapolis Park

An American graduate student called "mediocre" by her faculty adviser died today from a cardiac episode following multiple orgasms sustained while being pumped hard by Juan Chavez, an illegal alien.

written by Don Grapper, 11 July 2015
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Dickless Greek Parliamentarians Cave In To German Bankers Whose Grandfathers Were Most Likely Nazis

Just days after a resounding referendum in which Greek citizens rejected austerity terms proposed by Germany, the Greek parliament cut their dicks and balls off, then voted to accept those same terms.

written by Don Grapper, 11 July 2015
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Huge Blast Kills Tourist In Downtown St. Louis

St. Louis - An elderly tourist visiting St. Louis with her husband died yesterday from a heart attack after witnessing an area man unleashing a massive load while abusing himself on a park bench.

written by Don Grapper, 11 July 2015
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Tall Man With Big Dick Doinks Thin Waisted Broad With Huge Tits

In a move that surprised no one, a tall man with a big wang humped a dumb girl with a thin waist and big tits in the parking lot just outside a club in Phoenix, Arizona at around 11:30 pm last night.

written by Don Grapper, 08 July 2015
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San Diego Zoo Officials Apologize For Releasing Lions And Gorillas

San Diego Zoo officials apologized today for letting lions and gorillas roam free during business hours. The lions killed over 100 people. The gorillas left the zoo entirely and are still at large.

written by Don Grapper, 08 July 2015
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Croatian President Apologizes To Stripper's Father

The President of Croatia today called the father of a stripper he strangled at a Best Western in Zagreb and apologized for killing her. The father was not at home, so the President left a voicemail.

written by Don Grapper, 08 July 2015
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U.S. - Iran Nuclear Talks Stalled So John Kerry Can Take A Massive Shit

Talks between the US and Iran in Paris broke off early today after US Secretary of State John Kerry told those in attendance that he had to "take a huge shit." Talks will resume sometime tomorrow.

written by Don Grapper, 08 July 2015
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Media Critics - Clinton CNN Interview "A Bomb"

Commentators at most news outlets are saying that Hillary Clinton's first interview as a Presidential candidate on CNN was tantamount to "her taking a massive shit on live television."

written by Don Grapper, 08 July 2015
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Chick With Nicest Tits Wins Debate on Fox's Cashin' In

Michelle Fields and her nice tits trounced yet again the other panelists in a heated discussion on a current events news story. Even the host was helpless in the face of her awesome breasts.

written by Don Grapper, 07 June 2015
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Paris Flu Epidemic Claims 200,000 Victim

The Parisian flu epidemic continues, despite promises from experts that it would be gone before spring. "The city is now depopulated," said the Mayor. Bodies continue to pile up on the streets.

written by Don Grapper, 06 June 2015
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Japanese Prime Minister Apologizes For Bombing Raid On US Base

Japan apologized today for an "inadvertent" bombing raid on a US military base on the island of Okinawa. The raid killed over 3,000 American soldiers as they slept. Many civilians died too.

written by Don Grapper, 06 June 2015
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Skyscraper Collapses, Crushing Thousands

A Minneapolis skyscraper collapsed today and crushed as many as 4,000 people to death. The building owners apologized for the mishap and vowed it won't happen again.

written by Don Grapper, 06 June 2015
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Rebels Seize Shithole

Armed Rebels Waltzed Into An Obscure Shithole Somewhere South of The Equator Yesterday And Took Power Easily.

written by Don Grapper, 06 June 2015
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Hillary Clinton, "Chaffee's Metric System Idea Will Ruin Porn Dialogue"

Hillary Clinton mocked Lincoln Chaffee's metric system idea by asking Porn insiders to imagine male characters telling "bitches to suck their 65 centimeter long dicks."

"Sounds stupid," she said.

written by Don Grapper, 05 June 2015
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Hungarian President Beaten To Death By All Male Mob For Criticizing Internet Porn

Hungary's President was killed by a mob, angry over rumors that he thought internet porn "unbecoming." He has been replaced with a dictator and all of his political allies shot.

written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
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Surgeon General Issues Warning About "Having It Done Up Your Butt"

America's top doctor warned citizens off taking "even a medium one" in the rear.

"It hurts, causes fissures and tearing,makes you walk funny for days. Taking it up the butt is not cool," he said.

written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
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German Reichstag Torched

The Reichstag building in Berlin burnt to the ground yesterday. The building was filled with MP's, all of whom were killed. A dictatorship has been declared and the entire intellectual class shot.

written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
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Palermo, Sicily Sacked By Muslim Hordes

Over 250,000 self identified "Saracen" crusaders sacked Palermo yesterday. The group is moving now up the Italian peninsula, leaving piles of corpses in its wake. 85,000 have been reported beheaded.

written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
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American Troops Burn Australian Capital

American servicemen on leave burned the Australian capital of Canberra to the ground yesterday. The Navy apologized and vowed to investigate the incident. 42,500 are thought to have burned to death.

written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
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Tortoise Ejaculates

San Diego Zoo officials said "Wilbur", a tortoise that mounted an unnamed female tortoise in November, finally began ejaculating Monday morning.

"He should be done in a month," said a spokesman.

written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015
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Mike Huckabee Blown In Burger King Parking Lot

Reporters accompanying Republican Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee caught him being blown in an Iowa woman's car Monday. Huckabee said he was a sinner and God would forgive both of them.

written by Don Grapper, 26 May 2015


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