Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Heeke.

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LA STD Clinic Copying Bernie Sanders.

A STD clinic in LA is copying Bernie Sanders campaign slogan to advertise its services. "Feel the burn?" Makes sense because just like STDs, Bernie's campaign is popular on campuses.

written by Heeke, 14 April 2016

Jeb Bush Motivational Speaker

Jeb is going back to giving speeches after his attempt for the Republican nomination. He is a very talented motivational speaker, because after you listen to his story, you feel great about yourself.

written by Heeke, 14 April 2016

Supreme Court Vote on Banning This Male Enhancer

The SCOTUS today voted to ban Bill Clinton's Miracle Male Enhancer because it only works when around the subject is near blue dresses and fails when the male's spouse is around.

written by Heeke, 14 April 2016

House Speaker Paul Ryan Quits

Ryan issued a statement ruling himself out as a replacement candidate at a contested convention. Things are bad in the Republican Party when people who aren't even running are dropping out of the race

written by Heeke, 14 April 2016

Kasich Speaks in NY

John Kasich gave a 30-minute speech in New York City. Afterwards, the crowd applauded Kasich and then put $8.34 in his hat.

written by Heeke, 14 April 2016

Bill Clinton In The Bronx

Bill Clinton was in the Bronx campaigning for Hillary yesterday, and visited the "Hebrew Home for the Aging." While Hillary actually went there to drop off Bernie Sanders.

written by Heeke, 14 April 2016

Pelosi And Reid Just Revealed Democrats' 2015 Strategy - Free Lobotomies

House minority leader Pelosi has been careful to stipulate when Republicans need Democrat votes to pass legislation, Dems can't completely thwart the GOP's aspirations. She will offer FREE lobotomies!

written by Heeke, 11 December 2014

Superintendent Bends Girls Over

Superintendent Bass appeared at Noble High on Friday morning to perform a dress code check personally. Student Stephanie Stewart said the superintendent asked some girls to bend over.

written by Heeke, 24 August 2014

Boehner Hits Obama For Bergdahl Swap

Boehner wanted Barack to trade Michelle Obama for Bergdahl stating that Michelle Obama would be a sizable punishment for taking Americans hostage.

written by Heeke, 24 August 2014

2014 Midterm Elections Seem Dim for Sen. Lindsey Graham

SC Senator Lindsey Graham (R)is having a dismal future in 2014 election cycle. His supporters are leaving in droves after it was found out that he was voting Democrat on most bills in the Senate.

written by Heeke, 10 January 2014

Shortage of Velveeta Cheese Blamed on Nancy Pelosi (D)

Kraft admitted to a shortage of Velveeta Cheese products because one of the ingredients is used in Botox. Nancy Pelosi (D) demanded Kraft give her Drs. that ingredient for her Botox injections.

written by Heeke, 10 January 2014

2014 GOP Candidate only wants votes...Not Money

South Carolina 2014 GOP candidate Nancy Mace is asking for constituents to vote for her and not to bother contributing to her campaign. She wants to run as a clean candidate and not a money candidate.

written by Heeke, 09 November 2013

2014 Democratic Senator Does Not Trust Illegal Immigrants

Senater Max Baucaus (D) stated that he won't vote for amnesty for illegals because they broke the law to come here and feels that they won't abide by the laws if given amnesty.

written by Heeke, 09 November 2013

Ted Cruz Challenges Joe Biden To Gun Control Debate

Sen. Cruz noted that VP Joe Biden reportedly plans to revive a push for gun control decided to challenge the VP to a debate. However the VP declined because it was scheduled past his bedtime.

written by Heeke, 04 May 2013

Words of Wisdom from Crazy Joe

Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.

written by Heeke, 28 October 2012

Response to First Time Ad and Lena Dunham

She's a B-level nobody exploited by a failing campaign. How many more times will we see millennials replay their predictable, narcissistic, and vacuous "art"?

written by Heeke, 28 October 2012

Westboro Baptist Church Leader Arrested

Westboro Baptist Church leader Fred Phelps arrested and charged with espionage, treason, attempted murder and collusion with a known terrorist organization.

written by Heeke, 01 October 2012

Miss Zombie Universe Contest

Charleston, SC--The Democratic Party has issued a statement today stating that they will be hosting the first ever Miss Zombie Universe Pageant. Judges are Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Pres. Obama.

written by Heeke, 19 July 2012

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid Hospitalized

With today's release of the SCOTUS of the Affordable Healthcare Act, Senator Reid clutched his chest and fell to the floor of the Senate. More to come.

written by Heeke, 26 June 2012

SCOTUS Releases Verdict on Affordable Healthcare Act

Today, with the release of its verdict on the Affordable Healthcare Act, the SCOTUS struck down the whole act stating that forcing Americans to by a product is illegal. Nancy Pelosi's head exploded.

written by Heeke, 26 June 2012

Beloved Storybook Characters Arrested

Today, the butcher, baker and candlestick maker were arrested. The butcher for beating his meat, the baker for inserting his special cream in donuts and the candlestick maker for penis candlesticks.

written by Heeke, 21 June 2012

Winner of Republican Women Against Democrat Women Beauty Contest

Winner of the Republican Women Against Democrat Women Beauty Contest with of total of 5 million votes is Kimberly Guilfoyle from Fox News. Dead Last was Nancy Pelosi with 4 votes. Congrats Kimberly.

written by Heeke, 21 June 2012

More Democrats Ditch Convention

More Dems are skipping their National Convention claiming that it is too boring. Some incumbents claim the shows are awful and most about Pres. Obama. One Dem said, "I'd rather watch grass grow."

written by Heeke, 21 June 2012

Debbie Wasserman Schultz Is a Liar

Debbie Wasserman Schultz has been promulgating erroneous claims about the GOP-aligned Johnson and Johnson. She claims that J&J products did not make her prettier as its ads claim. J&J denies her claim

written by Heeke, 21 June 2012

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