Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Philip Wright.

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Chilean miners trapped until Xmas

The rescue effort to free Chilean miners is likely to take 4months: President Sebastian Pinera has said that the number 1 priority is to drill a hole big enough for a christmas tree to be sent down.

written by Philip Wright, 24 August 2010

Former England manager reveals drink superstition

Sven Goran Eriksson has revealed how he used to drink a "Becks" whenever Beckham scored and a "Sol" whenever Sol Campbell did. The Swede then added, "I'm glad Dave Seaman was in goal."

written by Philip Wright, 18 August 2010

Mel Gibson scared of shadow

Mel Gibson is the source of many jokes after he was frightened by his own shadow. The actor caught sight of his shadow behind him on a wall and shouted, "S**t! Sorry! I thought that was a black man!"

written by Philip Wright, 18 August 2010

Eastenders cast on strike

The cast of "Eastenders" have gone on strike. Fans of quality, well-produced television are reported to be, "overjoyed."

written by Philip Wright, 13 August 2010

Christian Bale stuck in traffic

Batman actor, Christian Bale, was left furious when roadworks made him 11seconds late for work. He apparently told workmen he would, "Trash your f***ing temporary lights."

written by Philip Wright, 13 August 2010

Sir Henry Cooper haunted by 1963 incident

Former boxer, Sir Henry Cooper, revealed how knocking down but not knocking out Muhammad Ali in 1963 has always haunted him. Cooper said he intends to fly to America next month to, "Finish the job."

written by Philip Wright, 12 August 2010

Buckingham Palace release stats

The Palace have revealed that 90% of the Queen's engagements for the next 12months are "public relations," of which 84% of those are "Repairing damage to public relations- caused by Prince Philip."

written by Philip Wright, 12 August 2010

David Beckham's heart in right place

Victoria Beckham asked that her present from David be, "A nice photo of you and the boys."

Posh was left disappointed when she unwrapped a framed photograph of her husband and the England squad.

written by Philip Wright, 12 August 2010

Brian May speaks out on Jedward

Queen's guitarist, Brian May, has finally broken his silence over Jedward's version of Queen song, "Under Pressure." He claimed, "Freddie would turn in his grave if he wasn't cremated."

written by Philip Wright, 11 August 2010

England Manager unsure of who retired Wes was.

Fabio Capello was unsure of who the retired Wes Brown actually was. He was overheard asking, "Is he the fella that looks like a Werther Original shagged a Wotsit?" Stuart Pearce responded, "Yes."

written by Philip Wright, 11 August 2010

Beckham's intelligence questioned again

David Beckham's intelligence has been called into question yet again, after his son Romeo asked if he'd take him to see a meteor shower. Becks responded, "Why? You've got a walk-in one here."

written by Philip Wright, 11 August 2010

Education Secretary faces axe

Education Secretary, Michael Grove, faces the axe after describing schools as "more better."

written by Philip Wright, 10 August 2010

Hawking buys new wheelchair

Stephen Hawking has splashed out on a brand new wheelchair. The chair developed by NASA features SKY Plus and a toaster in the armrest. Hawking said his purchase left him feeling, "Out of this world."

written by Philip Wright, 09 August 2010

Take That Reunion Over Already?

Bandmates, Mark Owen and Robbie Williams have seriously fallen out after Mark was asked what he thought of Robbie's swanky wedding clothes; "It's like sprinkling glitter on dog s**t," he replied.

written by Philip Wright, 09 August 2010

World Sauna Championships

It's been revealed that the competitor who died during The World Sauna Championships in Finland yesterday, was "hot favourite."

written by Philip Wright, 09 August 2010

New Wembley Surface

The FA announced this morning that the Wembley surface will be relayed with old copies of newspapers. A spokesman defended this bizarre decision by saying that "England are a good team on paper."

written by Philip Wright, 08 August 2010

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