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Happened in Tennessee

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, "Got any ID?"
The driver replied, "Bout whut?"

written by Spicewood, 29 August 2012

Good Question

A lady was picking through frozen turkeys but she couldn't find one big enough. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"

The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."

written by Spicewood, 12 November 2010

Choices

It was mealtime during an airline flight. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.

"What are my choices?" John asked.

"Yes or no," she replied.

written by Spicewood, 12 November 2010

The Upholsterer

The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.

written by Spicewood, 08 October 2010

Escapee

A midget fortune-teller who escapes from prison is a small medium at large.

written by Spicewood, 08 October 2010

Just Kidding

Japanese scientists have now created a digital camera with such a fast speed that it's now possible to take a photograph of a woman with her mouth shut.

written by Spicewood, 08 July 2010

A Chicken Joke

A Taxpayer voting for Barack Obama is like a chicken voting for Colonel Sanders.

written by Spicewood, 07 July 2010

Big Difference in Price

What's the difference between beer nuts and deer nuts?
Beer nuts are $1.50 and deer nuts are under a buck.

written by Spicewood, 18 May 2010

NBA Donates

The NBA at a recent meeting, unanimously agreed that all players would refrain from getting more tattoos until 2011, and the 3.4 million dollars saved would be donated to charity.

written by Spicewood, 26 April 2010

Suffering

A patient reports suffering from headeaches while menstrating on the top of her head.

written by Spicewood, 22 April 2010

Heavy Joke

A rather plump girl served me my order in McDonalds at lunch time, she said, "Sorry about the wait."

I said "Don't worry, you'll lose it eventually."

written by Spicewood, 08 April 2010

Works for me

Years ago it was suggested, "An apple a day keeps the doctor away."

But since most doctors are now Muslim, I've found a bacon sandwich works just as well.

written by Spicewood, 08 April 2010

Phi Beta Kappa

My neighbor said he took his tape measure to bed with him to see how long he slept. I changed the subject.

written by Spicewood, 07 April 2010

Old Age

I am at that age in life, if it weren't for liver spots and dry skin, I would have no skin at all.

written by Spicewood, 01 April 2010

Church

Church Member: "I didn't see you in church last Sunday."

Elder: "I don't doubt it. I took up the collection."

written by Spicewood, 31 March 2010

The Law

Judge: "Can't this case be settled out of court?"

Prisoner: "Sure, sure; that's what we were trying to do, your honor, when the police interfered."

written by Spicewood, 31 March 2010

Stupid Question

She: "And what would you be now if it weren't for my money?"

He: "A bachelor."

written by Spicewood, 31 March 2010

The Floor

"Did your watch stop when it dropped on the floor?" asked one man of his friend.

"Sure," was the answer. "Did you think it would go through?"

written by Spicewood, 31 March 2010

Time off

"Can I have the afternoon off to see a man about a job for my wife?"

"You'll be back in the morning, I suppose?"

"Yes, if she doesn't get it."

written by Spicewood, 31 March 2010

Blockhead

The recruit complained to the sergeant that he'd gotten a splinter in his finger.

"You should have more sense," was the harsh comment, "than to scratch your head."

written by Spicewood, 31 March 2010

Bigamy

What is the penalty for bigamy?

Two mothers-in-law.

written by Spicewood, 30 March 2010

Battle

Teacher: "In which of his battles was King Gustavus Adolphus of Sweden slain?"

Pupil: "I'm pretty sure it was the last one."

written by Spicewood, 30 March 2010

Makes Sense

Shortly after Thanksgiving someone asked littly Johnny to define the word appetite. He replied,
"When you're eating you're 'appy; and when you get through you're tight-that's appetite!"

written by Spicewood, 30 March 2010

Whoops

"I wonder if that fat old girl is really trying to flirt with me?"

Companion, "I can easily find out by asking her, she's my wife."

written by Spicewood, 30 March 2010


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