Showing breaking news satire snippets written by C. Cranium.

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New Gulf of Mexico Sparkling Water

Try BP's sensational new Gulfspill Vitamin Water. Just the right amount of carbonization with healthy crude oil fiber.

written by C. Cranium, 07 May 2010

Predict the future

"You can always predict the future, if you wait to see what happens."
Yogi Berra

written by C. Cranium, 20 April 2010

Geologist finds a rock

Unusual for a geologist but Phinnius Barnstable, unemployed geology degree holder, discovered a rock in his Cherrios. A rare quartz crystal lost long ago. Now how did that get in his cereal box?

written by C. Cranium, 17 April 2010

No Mo Slow Mo

Phillips Electronics is eliminating the Slow Motion option on their hand held DVD players. Phillips insiders said it just took too long for that feature.

written by C. Cranium, 16 April 2010

Crosby, Stills, and Nash go into a bar

Bartender: Old men I'm a lot like you are.
Crosby: 64 and want so much more.
Stills: There's something happening here.
Bartender: Yup. Nowadays Clancy can't even sing.

written by C. Cranium, 07 April 2010

NCAA Basketball: New Rule

NCAA rules committee has approved the if-a-3-pointer-touches-the-rim it's worth .5 points. The rule applies to overtime only. Panic last second shots mean another overtime, and more revenues.

written by C. Cranium, 02 April 2010

Final Four High Hoops

The High Hopes Fish & Chips chain of El Cerritos, CA has announced their High Hoops Fresh Flounder Fish Fry & French Fries for just $6.99 during the NCAA Final Four tournament.

written by C. Cranium, 31 March 2010

The Butler did it

March Madness ; NCAA Basketball
Butler the little known college advaNces to Elite 8
The mighty Syracuse

written by C. Cranium, 26 March 2010

NCAA Basketball Tournament: Kansas clicks their heels

"I keep forgetting that I'm not in Kansas",
Kansas,# 1 rated, lost to Northern Iowa in round one.
"Click your Heels 3 times Dorothy"
Kansas is back in Kansas.

written by C. Cranium, 21 March 2010

Beijing sand storm inspires new recipes

The giant sandstorm dousing Beijing has given restaurants new epicurean leeway. New recipes include Orange Chicken with Sand, Beijing Duck smothered in Sand & Plum Sauce.

written by C. Cranium, 20 March 2010

March Madness caused by pollen

Northern hemisphere dandelion pollen is released in mid-march based on sun / earth positions and not weather or season. Afflicted Individuals sensitive to this pollen go basketball crazy.

written by C. Cranium, 20 March 2010

Who cares about apathy?

Santa Cruz, CA UCSC Campus
Apathy is an obsession at UCSC. Researchers survey the level of apathy by asking: What is your level of apathy for an issue?: mild, moderate, or extreme apathy.

written by C. Cranium, 20 March 2010

US FDA: Expire dates expire

US Food and Drug Administration 20 year old regulation for expire dates on food stuffs has expired. FDA scrambling to avoid expiration date for re-regulating expire dates.

written by C. Cranium, 19 March 2010

March Madness for Oxford

Basketball USA
Oxford declined invitation to final 64 as 65th contender. Astute physics student Bert Ramadan says "Do the math. Just who is the 65th team going to play?".

written by C. Cranium, 19 March 2010

Skoob1999 come back

Skoob dude,
Get with it. Take an antidepressant. Go on vacation. Come back as Skoob2099.

written by C. Cranium, 09 March 2010

Name that Tune and Band

Q Lyric snipit:
"I was floatin' in the ocean
greased with suntan lotion"

A llufnoopS 'nivoL yb cisuM dnaB guJ

written by C. Cranium, 09 March 2010

The Dude Wins Oscar

Jeff Bridges, forever the Dude, actually likes the Eagles, doesn't bowl, sing, or play the guitar.

written by C. Cranium, 08 March 2010

The Goose Didn't Duck

Geese are everywhere on golf courses. A goose however will not duck from a speeding golf ball. CS

written by C. Cranium, 07 March 2010

The Olympics are over. What now?

While visiting the Olympics Michael Phelps recognized Tiger Woods in disguise. They chatted and agreed to share their troubles: Michael is swapping a bong for one of Tiger's phone numbers.

written by C. Cranium, 03 March 2010

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