Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Simon Saunders.

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Music Mogul Simon Cowell Distraught After The Death Of His Beloved Mother

It's believed Cowell will begin holding nationwide open auditions beginning early next month in his quest for a replacement mother. Followed by a new ITV show 'The Mum Factor.'

written by Simon Saunders, 10 July 2015

Greece to record their own version of the Grease soundtrack in attempt to solve debt crisis.

Tracks include:

Euro the One that I Want,
Hopelessly Devoted to the EU,
Greeced Banking,
Blue Doom,
It's Raining On Referendum Night,

& the timeless classic,

Economics School Dropout.

written by Simon Saunders, 02 July 2015

Man Falls to Death from Undercarriage of British Airways Flight

Apparently he was here on a flying visit and was planning to drop in on a friend.

written by Simon Saunders, 19 June 2015

Daily Express owner Richard Desmond gives UKIP a million quid

Rumours are circulating that fellow media mogul Murdoch tried to give Cameron a million quid but he turned it down, so he hacked his bank account & cancelled all his direct debits & standing orders.

written by Simon Saunders, 16 April 2015

Brazil to replace retired Fred with the even more retired Ronaldo. Fred to be painted red & become London bus.

According to sources within the Brazilian FA, new coach (and former coach) Dunga, sees his old team mate as the perfect replacement for the upcoming Copa America.

"Mobility is key." Said Dunga.

written by Simon Saunders, 21 January 2015

Fox News terrorism "expert" says sorry after admitting he didn't do his homework on Birmingham

Steve Emerson had earlier claimed his dog ate it. He considers it extremely unfair he's been ridiculed the planet over instead of getting the usual punishment of detention and 100 lines.

written by Simon Saunders, 12 January 2015

James Rodriguez wins FIFA goal of the year award

He beat off competition from ladies footballer Stephanie Roche. FIFA pres. Sepp Blatter says she may have won if she'd been wearing tighter shorts.

written by Simon Saunders, 12 January 2015

Crayola sorry after their Facebook page was full of breasts and sex jokes all weekend

They now say they want to draw a line under the embarrassing incident. With a crayon.

written by Simon Saunders, 12 January 2015

Wolves boss Stale Solbakken close to the sack

The former boss of West Midlands rivals Aston Villa and Birmingham, Alex McLeish, is in the running to take over.

That'll go down well at Molineux.

After that McLeish fancies the West Brom job.

written by Simon Saunders, 03 December 2012

Olly Murs tops both the UK singles and album music charts

He beat off competition from Bruno Mars, Ke$ha and Alicia Keys.

And they say the charts mean nothing.

written by Simon Saunders, 03 December 2012

Newly French Joey Barton wants to stay at Marseille

He claims he can't come back to England because he's completely forgotten how to speak English since he learned French.

Missing you already.

written by Simon Saunders, 30 November 2012

The Catholic diocese of Milan increases specially trained exorcism priests from 6 to 12

If anyone requires the exorcism service they can call a newly set up hotline that's been established to deal with an increasing volume of calls.

It's an easy number to remember, just dial 666.

written by Simon Saunders, 30 November 2012

David Cameron has "serious concerns" over statutory regulation of the British press

A cynic could say that Cameron would think that and he wouldn't want to annoy the press as it may have an effect on his parties chances of winning the next election. Is he playing politics?


written by Simon Saunders, 29 November 2012

Lindsay Lohan facing more police charges

No she hasn't taken more jewellery without consent.

This time she's been arrested for crimes against acting following her portrayal as Elizabeth Taylor in 'Liz and Dick' which premiered on Sunday.

written by Simon Saunders, 29 November 2012

Mayor of London Boris Johnson in India promoting business links with the capital

Some media outlets reckon BoJo is using the trip to promote himself on the world stage in preparation for a bid to be PM.

Why bother?

These same outlets have been doing it for him for 2 years.

written by Simon Saunders, 29 November 2012

The always caring David Cameron takes time out of his busy schedule to visit victims of UK floods

As if the poor buggers haven't suffered enough.

One woman commented, "Well, at least it wasn't that George Osborne."

written by Simon Saunders, 27 November 2012

Mad Rotherham council remove 3 "non indigenous white British" foster kids from the care of UKIP couple

Citing UKIP's immigration policy as the reason. They say it's racist & have also insinuated the couple are racist too. Why would they foster 3 "non indigenous white British" kids if they were racist?

written by Simon Saunders, 27 November 2012

European parliament sprayed with milk by angry farmers as they protest for a 25% increase in their prices

They want the rise to cover their costs following a fall in dairy prices. MEP's have accused them of trying to milk the system.

They should know. They've been at it for years.

written by Simon Saunders, 27 November 2012

Beckham to leave LA Galaxy. Zlatan Ibrahimovic urges him to join PSG if he wants more trophies

Beckham's been linked with a move to QPR. Pundits reckon he's keen to add to his collection of English footy honours with a League Cup medal as he's never won one.

Or a Premier League wooden spoon.

written by Simon Saunders, 26 November 2012

Mark Carney, current head of Canada's central bank appointed next governor of the Bank of England by George Osborne

He'll serve 5 years on a £624K salary but no pension. Some wonder why he'd need a pension given his huge salary. If he's not got the nous to save for old age he probably shouldn't be running a bank.

written by Simon Saunders, 26 November 2012

Cameron heaps praise on 'Tour de France' winner Bradley Wiggins

After having the concept of cycling explained to him and finding out who Bradley Wiggins is, our PM, clearly a cycling officiando, has declared himself "delighted" with Wiggins achievement.


written by Simon Saunders, 30 July 2012

BBC reduces its star pay by £9.5 million in the financial year 2011-12.

It sounds like they've axed loads of highly paid stars until you realise that £6 million of the reduction was made by not renewing Jonathan Ross' contract.

written by Simon Saunders, 17 July 2012

Grampian Police Investigate Theft Of Up to 400 Sheep.

Police are looking for a man who has been having trouble sleeping.

A spokesman added that they will not allow anyone to pull the wool over
their eyes during the investigation.

written by Simon Saunders, 10 July 2012

Wonky mouthed Katie Holmes files for divorce from tiny Tom Cruise

Staying married looks like a real Mission Impossible for Cruise.

This is his third divorce and signals the end of his marriage trilogy.

written by Simon Saunders, 30 June 2012

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