Showing breaking news satire snippets written by Alexandria177.
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Indians quietly take over America
Native tribes have been buying up land and putting it in Federal Trust, so as to get their lands back a bit at a time. Sales records show that they are spending substantially more than beads, though.
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Energy saving tip for Obama's America
Turn your thermostat down to 60 and wear a sweater. But in Obama's America, no one needs to hear that obvious advice.
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If psychic powers are real...
...how come they have to make a living manning phone lines, instead of predicting stocks and lottery numbers?
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Kirstie Alley can relax
A new study reveals that privately, many men think she's sexier plump then skinny. Not that we've seen her skinny, much.
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Charm offensive
If the Hamas wanted to break the stalemate, that's what they should do. Besides taking a page from the U.S. civil rights era, they should be all about peace and light.
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If the Hamas were smart...
...they'd peaceably protest, sing "We shall overcome" and give "I have a dream" speeches. Given how dependent on us Israel is, that would knock them out far better than bombs.
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Japanese government considers new law
It would allow women to choose whether to take the name of their husband or keep their own. Next, they'll address the "shoes for women" issue.
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Husband concerned about gift
A husband received a strange "gift" from his wife. It was a note card saying, "Fidelity", and she explained that she was giving him the gift of that this year.
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Christmas isn't the same without Pluto
The planets, who get together each year around Christmas, are still saddened and concerned about Pluto's absence. They miss him, and hope he'll return one day.
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Distressing news for you
Your parents purchased you from a crack addict. You were actually a crack baby. Hence your low grades and puny frame.
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Another worthless cancer gene discovery
Scientists announced that they have discovered two genes that cause brain cancer. As always, they have not discovered anything to do about it.
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"New ferry tragedy in the Phillipines"
But come to think of it, when is there not one? At some point the Phillipines and Indonesia need to examine their ferry boat factories. Really.
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Exchange
While this is the time of year when you can usually exchange gifts at any store, no questions asked, your local strip club will not give you two lap dances for the sweater your wife bought you.
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Legal, but ill advised
A study suggests that while standing on the street corner near a school wearing a raincoat is legal, it should be avoided. Likewise with wearing a Klan robe to an inner city bar.
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Profilng taken to logical extreme
Every single white male between the age of 30 and 49 has been rounded up and sent to special camps. It is believed that this will end the problem of serial killers in America.
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Eerie
While playing solitaire till dawn, with a deck of 51 cards, and smoking cigarettes and watching Captain Kangaroo, a local man was surprised to hear - well, you know what song he heard.
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ASPCA suspicious
Since relations were normalized with Vietnam, there has been a marked increase in dog exports to them. But no rise in dog ownership statistics.
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Charlie Sheen sent to prison
As the woman said she was beaten by Sheen, there was no need of a trial, as women don't lie about such things. Especially during break ups.
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Chinese and Indian pay back
To get back at the Europeans, for having the Pope divided the world between Spain and Portugal, the Chinese and Indians are now doing that. Sadly, you need to learn Chinese now.
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China boasts of world's fastest train
In yet another blow to the has-been called "U.S.A.", the Chinese have exceeded us in yet another area. Hardly surprising, as their smartest 20% outnumber our total population.
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Bill O'Reilly accused dead vets of war crimes
84 American soldiers, defending against Nazism in WWII, were shot down by SS troops even though they'd surrendered. But Bill - Nazi lover that he is - said it was the U.S. GIs who killed SS soldiers.
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This smells like a tax funded study
"Scientists" at Yale have determined that duck vaginas spiral one way, and duck penises spiral the other way. It was not mentioned how many ducks were fingered and fondled to learn this.
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From the German Department of the Obvious
It has been proved what has long been known. That women take 20 seconds longer to park, on average, and do a worse job of it. Next, they plan to prove that 80 plus year old drivers are dangerous.
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Ancient Mayan toilets
Scientists think they may have discovered ancient toilets. But actually, when your career is pawing through some dead guy's feces, isn't it safe to say that whatever you are, it's not a "scientist"?
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Showing page 3 (of 25 pages)
