Your Home, USA-Mark Rosen has just entered your home to show you the great suction and cleaning power of his new Shark Rocket cleaning system, and to be honest, he can't believe how you and your family have survived without it. "Its suction power...
The Nutrirocket food extractor is the latest, most scientifically-proven way to extend one's painful, lost existence indefinitely. Thanks to the most innovative in 21st century euphemisms, we have magically turned a 40 dollar blender into a $120.00 (...
To help you navigate through the murky black sludge that is the single dating life, here are some tips for the Vondrook reader on how to achieve the highest rate of success when going on a first date. And by "success," I meaning making out or getting laid. •If your date says she likes a "take charge" type of guy, try to get the waiter or somebody to hear that as well, because that's consent, br...
Abington, PA- Local resident, Steven Mayer, of Abington, Pennsylvania, awoke this morning with a renewed sense of anticipation and vigor. "I was able to turn off the alarm a minute before 6:00," reported the 32 year old Mayer, who works as a daytime...
Your Home, USA - Sources have reported that the child you have abandoned years ago is on your front step right now and is gearing up to knock on your door. The child, who was conceived 13 years ago at a Red Roof Inn Motel out by the airport, has t...
iLonely - For women. A nighttime application that simulates a man snoring through the night. iVagina for men sold separately. iMencia - Steals other applications and takes them as its own. Also known as the iSuck. iPhone phone app - This ingenious program actually allows you to press a certain 10 digits that will then allow you to speak to another human being anywhere in the world! iPho...
In an effort to show how green they can be, Vanson has introduced a new wireless battery re-charger that runs on batteries rather than through a wired connection. "It's all about saving the environment," said Vanson spokesman Timothy Childress. "F...
After 25 years on the newsstands, SPIN Magazine has folded due to its overwhelming awesomeness in all things cool. Since its inception in 1985, SPIN Magazine was immediately recognized for its overt coolness by covering unknown artists at the tim...
The Baltimore Ravens lost a detrimental game Sunday against the Pittsburgh Steelers, and the loss was primarily due to mental errors and costly 4th quarter penalties. It went without saying that head coach John Harbaugh's promise to take the team out...
Members of the Food and Drug Administration, along with members of the scientific community, have concluded that the main ingredient in Ramen Noodles is not to be found anywhere on the periodic table of the elements. "Not only is it not anywhere o...
Philadelphia, PA - Crack-heads surrounding North Philadelphia's Diamond Street were terribly dismayed yesterday after discovering that their usual ice cream truck full of crack was actually selling ice cream. "It be bullshit," said Derrick Thomas,...
ICELAND- The members of the Center for Reasonable and Appreciated Politics traveled to Iceland last week to protest the active volcano which began erupting on April 15. "Of all the weeks for Earth to pull this shit," said Steven Hills, president o...
In an effort to capitalize on the economic downturn, Greyhound Lines Incorporated has revamped its efforts to reach more customers. Included in the plans are cheaper ticket prices, new streamlined buses, as well as a new destination: Funkytown, U.S.A...
The pharmaceutical giant, Merck & Co., has just released a fun new shape of Vicodin in the form of your favorite "Flintstones" characters. "It's an exciting day," said Merck spokesman, Jonathan Sanders, "We are the second largest pharmaceutica...
For the 4th time since the compact disc's inception into mainstream culture, the entire Beatles catalogue has been re-mastered; this time into a sleeker black box. "Finally," said Herb Thurman, a 56 year old Beatles fan, "Finally, the corporate dr...
Brittany Murphy has faded back into pop culture by fatally overdosing on prescription pneumonia. The 32 year old bubbly actress, brought to fame by appearing in such films as The Prophecy II and an episode of Blossom, collapsed in the shower of h...
New York, NY - NBC executives made an honest move yesterday by naming their Sunday night primetime show "Celebrity Apprentice," to simply "Celebrity" Apprentice. "We can't lie to the public anymore," said NBC executive John Starling about the show...
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