In an effort to shed the negative connotations of shanty-dwelling, Tent City has incorporated and is in the progress of establishing a Chamber of Commerce. "We're trying to establish a system of trade here," Said Floyd "Bud" Smucker, "so far we ha...
An unnamed source at Chrysler LLC disclosed that they, as well as Ford and GM, had a solution to their economic woes. "The answer is mind-bogglingly simple. We have seven million illegal immigrants taking jobs in our country while we have ten mil...
iPod users have been known to complain about the sound quality of their 'ear bud' earphones, but don't think for a minute that the manufacturers have been resting on their laurels. "Actually we've been experimenting on them!" Jokes Peter "Thump" E...
The 21st Century have given us a plethora of computer driven art, literature, and music in recent years rendering creativity obsolete. The question becomes: How to integrate the artist into the 9 to 5 world? Dr. Borg Swayze, Professor of Social Conformity at Midland City College had this to say, "Artists aren't like you and I; they rise in the mid-afternoon, stumble around their little bohe...
A gigantic cockroach remains the sole mystery in the disappearance of Gregory Simpson. "We're convinced that he just took off." Says his mother, a home-ridden asthmatic. "He was always a selfish bastard. And leaving a big bug in the bed was just...
In a speech to constituents in Detroit today, President Obama reiterated that the U.S. economy would recover. Perpetuating comparisons to the Great Depression, Obama said,"Make no mistake, it won't be easy; unemployment will continue to rise, hom...
Resurrected actor and tabloid fodder Mickey Rourke has announced yet another turning point in his tumultuous career: Song and dance man! "I was totally blown away by Hugh Jackman at the Oscars," beamed Rourke at an Academy Awards after-party, "thi...
In a press release Friday, Starbucks announced that it will begin selling instant coffee for one dollar per cup in an effort to become viable in these trying economic times. In a related story, chef Gordon Ramsey, of the FOX network's "Hell's Ki...
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