The Easter Bunny has declared bankruptcy and wants all the little rug rats not to expect baskets full of toys, eggs and peeps instead they will get a small cardboard box with a letter in it which reads: Dear kid, you will live a life of poverty and misery thanks to the corrupt people who don't give a shit. You will have great teeth though because there's no candy for YOU! You know tha...
We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Fou...
Bernie Madoff who made off with billions has decided that at 70 he is about to see the end of his miserable life in the crowbar hotel. He insisted that he have satin sheets and for his first meal he demanded escargot and a fine wine. After the pro...
A mother of octuplets was seen stalking sperm banks after her publicist quit her employ in anger. The publicist, who will not disclose his name, said Octom mom is a greedy nut case. Asked why he was so upset he said, first she made him watch a...
Michael Moore and Rush Limbaugh will be featured on a pay for view wrestling match on HBO April first. Limbaugh will be wearing a red white and blue loin cloth and Moore will be wearing a hot pink one. The two rotund men will go 5 rounds or until...
How do you find more time ladies? Since we will all be setting out clocks ahead an hour this Saturday I was trying to think of was to find more time because we will be losing a whole hour. I can't afford to lose a minute of the day let alone an hour so here are my suggestions. 1. No showers..that saves at least 20 minutes in a day. 2. Sex.. well have it but make it fast..most men will love...
Is Sarah Palin too pretty to run? This the question being asked and so far it seems when Democrats are asked they break out in hysterical laughter Republicans just get a glazed over look in their eyes and start crying. I contacted John McCain and...
Barbara Bush, mother of ex president George W. Bush is recovering from heart surgery. A pig valve was inserted into the 83 year old ex first lady and she oinked on awakening from the surgery. Her husband made the following statement: "Now that th...
In an exclusive interview with RNC Chairman Michael Steele, he announced he is sorry for his remarks about Republican talk show host Rush Limbaugh. He begged Limbaugh for forgiveness and complimented him on his black outfit that showed tons of un...
Former Illinois Gov. Blagojevich has written a tell all book and we hear he is getting big, big bucks for it. Blagojevich, who vehemently denies he tried to sell President Obama's senate seat, has written about the deals he made or did not make.
Rush Limbaugh, the mouth of the Republican party, was rushed to the hospital to have a large boil removed from his buttocks. It seems that after a 12 course meal at his favorite restaurant, Porkers R Us he became irritated and squirmed in his seat un...
It seem that Rush Limbaugh is not so popular with women and wants to know how he can fix this problem. Let's see: he's obese, bald, obnoxious, impotent, a drug addict, and smokes stinky cigars and has a boil on his ass..All the qualifications women "adore" in a man. Last time he had a date was with the very manly Ann Coulter who said he farted a lot and kept wanting to arm wrestle with her.
Crawford Texas - Late yesterday it was learned that George W. Bush was hired at a local laundry. His main job is to remove feces stains left by former members of his cabinet. Carl Rove was seen dragging in a large garbage bag full of sheets as...
A snuggle blanket, which has built in sleeves to allow day-to-day tasks to be performed from under the covers, has been removed from the market. Consumers have raised numerous complaints about the garment, particularly women. Several consumers com...
Examples of English from around the world. In a Bangkok temple IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN, EVEN A FOREIGNER, IF DRESSED AS A MAN Cocktail lounge, Norway LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR Doctors office, Rome SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES...
Dishes from the Bush household, showcased by Laura Bush. George's favourite Spam a la mode: (as suggested by George) Cook your spam by the desired method and to the desired point. Then serve with ice cream on top. Raw Spam: There are many ways to eat Spam. However, I believe that the worst way to eat Spam is to take a fork to an open, uncooked can. George loves raw Spam. Uncle Dick C...
Advice From Laura Bush: Dear Laura I am a very old woman with not much time left so can you tell me your secret for keeping happy and young? Crone In Colorado Dear Crone: I get my face lifted and tucked as often as possible. My Georgie thinks I go away on camping trips but the truth is I make trips to Dr. Peal who tells me I have the bone structure of a young horse. That and whe...
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