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Spoof stories written by Roy Turse

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Funny story: Vegetarians disgusted by Facon bombshell

Vegetarians disgusted by Facon bombshell

Vegetarian and religious groups the world over have renounced the companies producing vegetarian bacon slices after it emerged that the products are derived from pork. The companies concerned say that they chemically remove everything in the product...

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Funny story: NHS Hospitals to Charge Entrance Fees

NHS Hospitals to Charge Entrance Fees

The unqualified success of hospital parking schemes which raise around £200m a year have prompted NHS trusts to look into other profit-making ideas. In 2016 several hospitals will try out an Entrance Fee system which could prove even more lucrative.

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Funny story: Mumsweb Threatens Distributed Denial of Service Attack on Christmas Lunch Unless Adele is Played During Preparations.

Mumsweb Threatens Distributed Denial of Service Attack on Christmas Lunch Unless Adele is Played During Preparations.

Following the news that a hacker group has attacked Xbox Live and threatened the PlayStation Network over the holidays, outspoken activists Mumsweb have issued an ultimatum. Unless British Mums can play Adele at a reasonable volume while the prepara...

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Funny story: Chancellor demands progress bar standards

Chancellor demands progress bar standards

Chancellor George Osborne says he is 'totally hacked off' with web and software-based systems that use progress bars to show how far along a particular process is. He claims that millions of hours of productivity are being lost from British industry...

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Funny story: St Albans sinkhole: 3D street artist gets it all wrong

St Albans sinkhole: 3D street artist gets it all wrong

A well-known pavement artist who has created many of the most famous 3D street paintings got it all wrong today when he attempted to trick homeowners in St Albans that their street had collapsed into a gigantic hole. The publicity stunt backfired...

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Funny story: Music Chart Overhaul Throws Up A Surprise

Music Chart Overhaul Throws Up A Surprise

From today, the UK music chart is being published on Fridays, and will be based on a new algorithm for calculating positions from a range of sources. Unfortunately, this has coincided with changes to the days on which new music is released, and the...

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Funny story: NSA: "Just assume we're spying on everyone all the time"

NSA: "Just assume we're spying on everyone all the time"

The ongoing revelations about the United States National Security Agency's activities may be ruffling some feathers in the international political arena, but cannot come as much of a shock to anyone concerned. The idea that nations would spy on...

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Funny story: "Hello - have you been subjected to excessive nuisance calls? You may be entitled to compensation."

"Hello - have you been subjected to excessive nuisance calls? You may be entitled to compensation."

Following news that Time Warner Cable has been ordered to pay a Texas woman $229,500 for bombarding her with automated nuisance calls, automated call centres have been quick to include automated call compensation in their repertoire of services. W...

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Funny story: Canadian Balloon Man Arrested - Disney Brings Copyright Charges

Canadian Balloon Man Arrested - Disney Brings Copyright Charges

In a scene reminiscent of Disney's film Up, a Canadian man was yesterday spotted flying over Calgary sitting in a garden chair supported by multi-coloured helium party balloons. In fact it was so reminiscent of Up that once he parachuted to safety h...

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Funny story: Kardashian pics: body-double comes forward

Kardashian pics: body-double comes forward

Following the release of 'those pictures' of Kim Kardashian a few days ago, we can now reveal that it was, as some predicted, nothing more than a publicity stunt, and in fact a body-double was used. And if that was not sensational enough we can also...

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Funny story: Tesco Allocates New Parking Bays For The Selfish

Tesco Allocates New Parking Bays For The Selfish

Tesco announced today that it is introducing new car parking areas specifically for those of a selfish disposition. The designated spaces will be added on to the ends of existing rows in Tesco's car parks and marked with cross hatching. The schem...

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Funny story: Heartbleed marketing gets underway - catastrophe to be announced shortly

Heartbleed marketing gets underway - catastrophe to be announced shortly

The Heartbleed Bug, a fault in the security system used by many Internet sites, has become a major global brand due to the slick marketing used to get its message across. Early adoption of a funky logo and hysterical rhetoric in the press has quickl...

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Funny story: #CashTag - Cash's nametag company bought up by IP entrepreneur

#CashTag - Cash's nametag company bought up by IP entrepreneur

An unnamed businessman has secretly taken control of the ailing Cash nametag company after he discovered they owned the trademark Hashtag™. A Cash's spokesperson said that the Coventry company would be moving away from their previous business...

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Funny story: How They Work: Speed Cameras

How They Work: Speed Cameras

We have all got used to seeing those speed camera boxes at the side of the road, but until a speeding fine arrives in the post, does anyone wonder "How They Work"? I asked a policeman, and he said he was not completely sure but thought this was how they worked. Because there is no way of actually knowing how fast the cars are going until they have gone past, a clever probability system is used...

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Funny story: Four million drivers are now over seventy years old

Four million drivers are now over seventy years old

News that the UK now has more than four million drivers aged over seventy has surprised some, but it is the fact that they are subject to different driving rules which has come as a real shock to many people. The over-seventies licence, which must...

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Funny story: Fly Tipping Tales

Fly Tipping Tales

Despite being castigated by most people, those of us who indulge in occasional fly tipping are usually unrepentant. Unless you have done it yourself, it is often difficult to comprehend the thinking behind it, and my purpose in submitting this article is to highlight the positive aspects of fly tipping and try to give some insight into why anyone would do it. The first time I ended up fly tipp...

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Funny story: Exciting new Graphene Art developed

Exciting new Graphene Art developed

For the last few years, scientists have been exploring the properties and possible uses of graphene, the new wonder material made of an atom-thick layer of carbon. It promises to herald a revolution in materials and electronics development. Howev...

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