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Spoof stories written by dgwest7

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Funny story: The bollock kicking machine

The bollock kicking machine

James Worldcup had been such a devout England supporter that the latest performance caused his devotion to turn to a form of controlled rage when he said "What is needed is a good kick in the bollocks". In discussion with his mates down the pub, t...

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Funny story: Bilderbergers on the farm 2013

Bilderbergers on the farm 2013

The provisional offerings for accommodation on the farm were The Chicken Shack, or one of the many outlying buildings and stables, which were categorized under "Shack and Or". The Chicken Shack is by far the largest building, as the farm's main bu...

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Funny story: Bilderbergers on the farm 2013

Bilderbergers on the farm 2013

A report on The Bilderberger meeting which concluded recently somewhere on a farm . The provisional offerings for accommodation on the farm were The Chicken Shack, or one of the many outlying buildings and stables, which were categorized under "Shack and Or". The Chicken Shack is by far the largest building, as the farm's main business is rearing fat chicken's for underweight Americans. Of t...

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Funny story: Chinese Political Collectness

Chinese Political Collectness

Chinese Diplomats are always eager to demonstrate political politeness, but have been having difficulty in keeping up with ever-changing USA style of political correctness . So they have introduced a new style for everyone outside the USA. As the...

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Funny story: 2012 Games in Doubt

2012 Games in Doubt

Doubt is a small underground village at the centre of lead mines in Derbyshire, where the Pot-Holing competition is to be held. The course involves lying on your back on a floating plank, and stepping along the roof, whilst downing a pint of Pollard'...

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Funny story: We Could Never Have Known

We Could Never Have Known

We could never have known just how many things would be changed in year 2012, but now as we approach the 30th February, we are beginning to understand. We all knew that the Rothschild banking empire would collapse under the weight of imaginary gold, and that we would see aliens speaking to us in English and Mexican on the tele, but we never expected that every human would suddenly develop the a...

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Funny story: Microspot's new biowarfare division can determine fear or love

Microspot's new biowarfare division can determine fear or love

Microspot's new biowarfare division has invented a virus which when released through the fan vent of a computer, infects almost all tested users. Of the twenty four thousand units and users tested, twenty four thousand nine hundred and ninety eigh...

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Funny story: Life after the shift - a message from the near future.

Life after the shift - a message from the near future.

The Shift affected the previous citizens of the United States of America the most, as they all became stateless when the United States became disunited. A few relics of their previous culture stand out like sore thumbs all over the world, but these Embassy and Consular buildings have been modified into holiday camps and are now major tourist attractions, much like Auschwitz. The remaining fe...

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Funny story: Births deaths and marriages

Births deaths and marriages

An unreal life on an the imaginary planet of Dreamworld. In an unprecedented sequence of events, Dreamworld has been set rocking by three astounding occurrences, a marriage, a birth and a death on three consecutive days. This is all so incredibly funny for our cynical members. In the first event, the son of a rugby captain was wed to an unknown person in a congruous display of mind contro...

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Funny story: Cicadas attack White House

Cicadas attack White House

Cicada is not an instruction to the English Football Team, but in fact the name of a small beetle that has been gifted to us to save the human race. Eleventeen totally-undocumented but parallel scientific booze-ups found that the sound emitted by the cicada was a ball-ache, hence the need to kick ardour. <<<Breaking News>>> The police from Iamtheboss, Countyourdays, have...

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Funny story: Non-US-homo-sapiens declared non-human

Non-US-homo-sapiens declared non-human

In a somewhat surprising announcement today President Whatsisname announced a solution to all the war crimes charges that he and his predecessors are being plied with. He declared that homo-sapiens had evolved, and that the latest evolution was repre...

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Funny story: Toyota throttles hacked

Toyota throttles hacked

After their success in defeating Google, the Chinese Hackers Society (CHS) has turned its attention to Japan. Since they discovered that the new Toyotas use wireless throttle control, they are now hacking the control systems of the Toyotas, and ar...

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Funny story: Airline bomber's name is an alias

Airline bomber's name is an alias

In the headlines today is Umy Faloukin Tummysbad, the son of the most honest banker in Nigeria, who was reported as setting off an incendiary device on an airliner when he went to the toilet with a joint. The airlines and press had been instructed...

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Funny story: October 24th - Apocalypse for Polluters

October 24th - Apocalypse for Polluters

The climate emergency will be solved entirely within a few weeks. The 'Exterminate Polluters' organisation will operate during the run up the the International Climate Action day on October 24th this year The regimes of country saviours like Adolp...

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Funny story: Serious fault in US drones.

Serious fault in US drones.

Deep in his underwater cave, half starved of oxygen, the brilliant-minded thrice-born Bin Laden worked on his latest idea. He called it 'enord', because it was designed to reverse drones. His professional hackers working on their laptops in cav...

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Funny story: What the butler heard - Obama eaves-dropped on whilst talking to the dog

What the butler heard - Obama eaves-dropped on whilst talking to the dog

President Obama was recently eaves-dropped while talking to Bo, the White House dog. Obama: "Looking back at the history of Presidents and their dogs, assassination is far more likely to happen to me than it is to you. "I would love to do what I said I would do, but that would mean that you would have nowhere to live - so what do you reckon I should do." The dog replied: "I think you shou...

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Funny story: USA for sale on Ebay

USA for sale on Ebay

The United States of America is up for grabs. In an Ebay posting, discovered by Hunter Bargin the intrepid surfer from the 1960s group the Bleach Boys, the USA is offered with a reserve price of $487, along with a note that says that the seller, w...

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