Showing stories written by dgwest7

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The bollock kicking machine

Funny story: The bollock kicking machine

James Worldcup had been such a devout England supporter that the latest performance caused his devotion to turn to a form of controlled rage when he said "What is needed is a good kick in the bollocks". In discussion with his mates down the pub, t...

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Bilderbergers on the farm 2013

The provisional offerings for accommodation on the farm were The Chicken Shack, or one of the many outlying buildings and stables, which were categorized under "Shack and Or". The Chicken Shack is by far the largest building, as the farm's main bu...

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Chinese Political Collectness

Funny story: Chinese Political Collectness

Chinese Diplomats are always eager to demonstrate political politeness, but have been having difficulty in keeping up with ever-changing USA style of political correctness . So they have introduced a new style for everyone outside the USA. As the...

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2012 Games in Doubt

Doubt is a small underground village at the centre of lead mines in Derbyshire, where the Pot-Holing competition is to be held. The course involves lying on your back on a floating plank, and stepping along the roof, whilst downing a pint of Pollard'...

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Microspot's new biowarfare division can determine fear or love

Funny story: Microspot's new biowarfare division can determine fear or love

Microspot's new biowarfare division has invented a virus which when released through the fan vent of a computer, infects almost all tested users. Of the twenty four thousand units and users tested, twenty four thousand nine hundred and ninety eigh...

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Non-US-homo-sapiens declared non-human

Funny story: Non-US-homo-sapiens declared non-human

In a somewhat surprising announcement today President Whatsisname announced a solution to all the war crimes charges that he and his predecessors are being plied with. He declared that homo-sapiens had evolved, and that the latest evolution was repre...

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Toyota throttles hacked

Funny story: Toyota throttles hacked

After their success in defeating Google, the Chinese Hackers Society (CHS) has turned its attention to Japan. Since they discovered that the new Toyotas use wireless throttle control, they are now hacking the control systems of the Toyotas, and ar...

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Airline bomber's name is an alias

Funny story: Airline bomber's name is an alias

In the headlines today is Umy Faloukin Tummysbad, the son of the most honest banker in Nigeria, who was reported as setting off an incendiary device on an airliner when he went to the toilet with a joint. The airlines and press had been instructed...

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October 24th - Apocalypse for Polluters

Funny story: October 24th - Apocalypse for Polluters

The climate emergency will be solved entirely within a few weeks. The 'Exterminate Polluters' organisation will operate during the run up the the International Climate Action day on October 24th this year The regimes of country saviours like Adolp...

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Serious fault in US drones.

Funny story: Serious fault in US drones.

Deep in his underwater cave, half starved of oxygen, the brilliant-minded thrice-born Bin Laden worked on his latest idea. He called it 'enord', because it was designed to reverse drones. His professional hackers working on their laptops in cav...

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USA for sale on Ebay

Funny story: USA for sale on Ebay

The United States of America is up for grabs. In an Ebay posting, discovered by Hunter Bargin the intrepid surfer from the 1960s group the Bleach Boys, the USA is offered with a reserve price of $487, along with a note that says that the seller, w...

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The Good News

Funny story: The Good News

The good news is that there is no news today - Today is extraordinary. It is the first day ever with no news. It seems that everyone has become bored with listening to or reading or watching "the news" since they realised that it does not represent l...

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Latest fashion for tin-foil hat wearers

Funny story: Latest fashion for tin-foil hat wearers

A study has recently been conducted by a bunch of clever folk who discovered that love vibrations are much more subtle than hate vibrations. So the students came up with a creation that would restrict the entrance and exit of hate vibrations, but...

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Under cover protestors

Funny story: Under cover protestors

Police have issued a video tape of protesters trying to coerce policemen into acting like human beings. The protesting culprits were tracked down, and when interviewed in police custardy (which was very sticky and lumpy) said "We don't discuss m...

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Special rich strain of avian flue identified

Funny story: Special rich strain of avian flue identified

Scientists working on new strains of the avian flu have separated a strain that appears to be selective towards rich folk. It is called CUL8ER, and appears to incubate in the wallet. One of the genetic constituents is a silk worm, which is cert...

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Official Secret's Act Repealled

Funny story: Official Secret's Act Repealled

Today in the House of Commons Gordon Brown announced new emergency measures. The official Secrets Act has been repealled, and every living person who has ever signed the secrets act is now being asked to sign a new document, for a small payment.

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Funny story: Aristocrats

An epidemic has been identified that has an untraceable source, but it is known to be at least five thousand years old. This disease is called aristocritis, and only aristocrats and their contacts appear to be vulnerable to it. It causes them to w...

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Obama's drama school certificate found

Funny story: Obama's drama school certificate found

During the sale of Obama's grandmother's house in Hawaai, a small bundle of old certificates were found. Although none verified birth, one certificate is of notable interest A statement from Obama's school report from the "Become a President" dram...

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Breaking news…

Trump Family Publishes List of Places They Will Build New Trump Hotels

Coincidentally, they are all located in countries with no extradition treaty with the U.S.
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