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Redskins Owner Agrees to New Name

The Washington Redskins will soon have a new name says Danny Snyder, the team's owner. "It's about time I realized that this was a racist name that demeans our Native American population." In an apology-laced announcement, made in front of a s...

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Praying "Real Hard" Really Works!

A new study shows that the effort you put into your prayers counts heavily on whether they actually come true! This potential religious/societal breakthrough is reported after a five-month trial in which thirty people were asked to pray as hard as...

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Bloomberg Bans Roller-Bags

Mayor Michael Bloomberg has, by executive fiat, banned pedestrians from dragging roller-bags along any and all public walkways in New York. "Just the irritating sounds exuded by what must be thousands of those roller-bags with their cheap, tiny il...

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New Beauty Mask Made of Kitty Litter

Scientists have stumbled onto a unique and inexpensive way to self-administer a beauty facial that, until now, only Hollywood stars could aspire to. Yes, you can now achieve the same long-lasting results-tight-as-a-drum skin, nearly invisible wri...

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First Lady Upset by Obama's Flirting Spree

Michelle Obama has made her hubby sleep in their dog Bo's doghouse. That's because she caught the president drooling over yet another attractive woman office holder. White House sources say Barack put the moves on Thai Prime Minister Yingluck S...

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Kathy Griffin Sets Mouth on Other TV Newsies

Not content to put her mouth on the crotch of homosexual CNN newsman Anderson Cooper on live TV, Kathy Griffin is vowing to pull similar kinky hijinks on other TV anchors. The shapely, attractive middle-aged publicity hound says she is merely out...

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Petraeus Apologizes; Vows to Start Cheaters Clinic

Disgraced former CIA David Petraeus says he is so disgusted with his behavior in having an affair with his much younger beauteous biographer that he plans to start a rehab program for cheating military and intelligence community officials. "I kn...

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Barbara Walters Got Job for Hitler Relative

TV news star Barbara Walters admits she got a job for Ralph Hitler, an alleged secret great grandchild of the Nazi dictator. The disclosure comes on the heels of Walters's admission she tried to get a job for the young daughter of a Syrian diplomat...

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Potty Training Can Wait, Doc Says

The medical genius that recommends breast-feeding until a child reaches puberty, now suggests that kids should be allowed to poop in their pants until high school. Gertrude Smith, M.D. says her firm's patented "Turd-O-Matic "training johns" play a...

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Mitt Romney Dons Expensive Jeans

In an apparent attempt to lessen the negative political fallout from his wife Ann's gaffe in wearing a $1,000 blouse, Republican presidential hopeful Mitt Romney showed up at a campaign event in a $2,000 pair of jeans. "These are designer pants...

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Chinese Dissident Faked Blindness to Escape

Escaped political prisoner Chen Guangcheng is getting the last laugh on his former Chinese captors. "I can see perfectly well through these magic sunglasses," Chen chuckled at a post-escape press conference in San Francisco. "Those stupid priso...

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Vatican Blasts U.S. Nuns as Blasphemous

A special Vatican council of Bishops, Archbishops and Priests says many left-leaning American nuns are an embarrassment to the Roman Catholic Church for not speaking out more loudly against abortions, rubbers, gay marriage and high church posts for w...

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Plastic Surgery Shifts Focus to Chins, Foreheads

Forget facelifts, fake boobs and hair transplants. The American public has tired of these old-line classics in their efforts to beat Father Time. In fact, the biggest craze in plastic surgery focus on "chinplants," forehead downsizing, and the "Pop...

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Baseball Manager Changes Tune on Castro … or Does He?

Suspended Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen says his "I love Fidel Castro" remark was misinterpreted because his Spanish is the polar opposite of the Spanish dialect spoken by Cuban American in Miami. "My Venezuelan Spanish is far more elegant...

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Jackie Mason Forgives Gal pal for Alleged Assault

Comedian Jackie Mason is now willing to forgive and forget what police say was an assault on him by his decades-younger girlfriend. Mason even joked about the case, using a slight variation on a famous line of the late Borsht Belt comedic genius Hen...

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Dick Van Dyke Smashes Marriage Age Gap Record

Former Hollywood star Dick Van Dyke has entered the OFYC Club record books! The club, whose initials stand for "Old Fart-Young Chick," says the 46 year age difference between the ex-"Diagnosis Murder" actor and his new bride, 40-year-old Arlene Silv...

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Tebow Turns Jewish and Joins Jets

In one of the most astonishing sports and religious developments in recent memory, Tim Tebow has jettisoned Christianity for Judaism and signed with the New York Jets so he can play before large numbers of his own new faith. Tebow disclosed he swi...

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Celebrity Seniors Seek Seniority in Organ Transplantation

Should Hugh Hefner get a dead person's working kidney to replace his own faulty one just because he's a national treasure? Yes, according to a group of senior celebrities led by Betty White. "We even think non-celebrities who are elderly should be...

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