I didn’t pay my taxes?
I didn’t pay my dues
I didn’t sleep with hookers
It’s really all fake news
I didn’t cheat on spouses
I didn’t collude with Russians
My son-in-law certainly wasn’t involved
In Moscow-based discussions
I didn’t dodge…
Icke-onic Reptilian Shape-shifters from Outer Space
I’m a shape-shifting reptilian
As humanoid as you like
I travelled here from outer space
To track down David Icke
I’ll drink your blood, I’ll eat your flesh
Like the carnivore I am
The Power of Prayer
The footballer stood and crossed his chest
God was on his side
He looked up to the heavens
Where angels do abide
He ran up to take the penalty
Filled with religious pride
He scuffed the ball, fell on his arse
Well-played Robert. Shame you lost. Would you like to say a quick hello?
Thanks, Ken. I’d like to say hello to my lovely wife Roxy and my wonderful family – Roxanne, Roxette, Rock Salmon, Rock Solid, Rock Steady, Rock Hudson, Rocky Marciano, Rocky…
First, I’d like to say that we made this clear in our manifesto. Quite clear. In fact, so clear, you can see right through it. We said that we would look into the situation, from our point of view, and roll out a number of initiativ…
Me, Me, Me
This is a short song and dance for all selfie-takers. It goes to the tune of “Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star”. As you sing it, you have to pose around, taking imaginary selfies on your phone, and with a selfie-stick.
Me, me, me, me, m...
I have just rewritten a Christmas calypso carol:
Long time ago in Washington
So the holy Twitter say
There was a man-child, Donald Trump
Who loved Independence Day
Hark now hear his knee-jerk tweets
And his childi...
I was watching a daytime quiz show, I think ITV2
It was chock full of celebrities, none of whom I knew
I didn’t know the TV stars or the smiley, smiley host
'Cos I’d never watched their reality shows that people love the most
Tribute Bands and Psychics (to the tune of Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious)
I went down to my local theatre just the other night
The programme and the posters there, they gave me quite a fright
For there was nothing else to see a-treading of the boards
Except these acts which do attract the populace in hordes
(Chorus) It’s… tribute bands, tribute bands, tribute bands and psychics
Snap election, Britain votes
New £1 coins, new £10 notes
Robert Mugabe finally goes
Mount Agung in Bali blows
RyanAir, staff trouble
Syria reduced to rubble
Fats Domino, Chuck Berry
Jeremy Corbyn, Glastonbury
Fake news, tweets, sacking
She keeps the European Union a float
Though she has been known to rock the boat
She's not likely to flounder as any Turk'll
Tell you. That fisherwoman, Angler Merkel
She brings wayward party members to eel
She likes to mullet over when she does a deal
She doesn't talk pollocks when she faces a hurdle
Like a bream of light is Angler Merkel
As Chancellor she haddock clea...
The News. December 21st 2016.
The Queen, 90, has a cold and her Christmas visit to Sandringham has been delayed.
Prince Philip, 95, has a cold and his Christmas visit to Sandringham has been delayed.
Doris Hodgkins, 91, has a cold and will...
Hello Mr Barratt! This is Gavin from Surveysulike.web. Please could you spare us a few minutes of your very precious time (well, half-an-hour really) to take part in a survey about surveys?
No need to swear Mr Barratt! Can I call you Robert?
No, I can't call you "Winston effing Churchill", Mr Barratt. And how are you today?
Suicidal, you say? That's great! Lovely weather, eh?
Ah so it'...
"Boo-hoo", screamed the tantrum-prone emperor at his education secretary. "I want a new school that no other emperors have, even if there is no empirical evidence that it works. "Of course your majesticness", the emperor's education secretary grovell...
Fans of Queen Elizabeth took to Twitter today to celebrate her overtaking Wayne Rooney's England scoring record. As she has been on the throne for 63 years and Rooney is only 30 it is clear who has wayned the longest.
The national anthem has been...
What kind of Facebook quizzer are you? Answer these simple questions to find out.
1. When you see a Facebook quiz to find out what kind of soap star, 1960s pop song, nineteenth century German philosopher or piece of bedroom furniture you are, do you...
(a) Do it straight away and take it really seriously?
(b) Do it straight away in an ironic way?
(c) Skip it and write a facetious comment i...
Jeremy Clarkson wasted no time in finding a new job, hours after being sacked by the BBC, when he replaced Zayn Malik in One Direction.
Unfortunately, Clarkson's pop career got off to a bad start when he verbally abused and head-butted the rest o...
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