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Spoof stories written by Carl LaFong

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Funny story: Humans to be fitted with Calorie Limiters to curb obesity

Humans to be fitted with Calorie Limiters to curb obesity

MANDATORY automatic calorie limiters could soon be implanted into all new-born babies within the next three years, as new measures to slash obesity levels are introduced. Some MPs (the slimmer ones) have approved the fitment of a range of new impla...

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Funny story: Pope Francis touched me on the Nob End

Pope Francis touched me on the Nob End

It was a grey day and my mood wasn't great - someone had stolen my unicycle from outside of Greggs Pie Shop, which, in itself, was a minor miracle, as I had left it outside Starbucks. Feeling depressed, I walked home, the route taking me across Nob...

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Funny story: Lego plan to ditch plastic and use REAL BRICKS

Lego plan to ditch plastic and use REAL BRICKS

AWESOME plastic brick manufacturer, Lego, have decided to ditch ties with dirty oil companies, who pollute the planet by supplying all our everyday needs. A spokesman for Lego, a Mr Metalbeard, told this reporter, "We've had enough of these oil-prod...

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Funny story: Spokesmen go on strike

Spokesmen go on strike

Spokesmen throughout the UK have voted to go on strike indefinitely until their demands for more recognition are met. It's thought that the action was brought about when a spokesman for Prestatyn County Council was mistaken for a bystander in a re...

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Funny story: Europe Launches Attack on Mars

Europe Launches Attack on Mars

Brussels based bureaucrats have launched an astonishing attack on Mars...but don't worry we are not heading into interplanetary warfare...yet. The Mars in question is Scotland's favourite, chocolate-based, fried food - The Mars Bar. Euro-crats...

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Funny story: Manuel's Contract to "Nobble Ross" doesn't quite go to plan...

Manuel's Contract to "Nobble Ross" doesn't quite go to plan...

A contract to "Nobble" cheeky chappy, chat show host, Jonathan Ross, didn't quite go to plan last Friday night as millions of viewers watched zany comedian Ross Noble attack the bemused presenter during his weekly show. The contract is believed to...

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Funny story: DaVinci Invented the Star Jump

DaVinci Invented the Star Jump

The mystery surrounding the Vitruvian Man, the iconic drawing by Leonardo DaVinci, which has baffled scientists and historians for centuries, has finally been solved. In a latest ground breaking study, Dr Benchpress, from the Institute of Ground B...

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Funny story: Al Gore Declares Consensus on Theory of Evolution

Al Gore Declares Consensus on Theory of Evolution

Creationists were up in arms yesterday as Nobel Prize winner, Al Gore, declared that the debate on evolution was finally over. A spokesman for the Climate Change Crusader, Mr Gore said, "All the top scientists in the world have now agreed that ev...

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Funny story: First Beckham...Now I'm Ruled out. Says spoof writer

First Beckham...Now I'm Ruled out. Says spoof writer

Following the devastating news that David Beckham has been ruled out of a possible 4th world cup appearance there appears to be yet another set back to England's world cup bid. Colin Short, part time spoof writer, has also ruled himself out of thi...

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Funny story: The Daleks are taking over - Says Boffin

The Daleks are taking over - Says Boffin

Scientists are refusing to comment following the publication of a letter in the prestigious newspaper, The Prestatyn Herald, which claims that Daleks are already infiltrating planet Earth. These astounding revelations have been put forward by loc...

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Funny story: Paraplegic Actor Walks Again

Paraplegic Actor Walks Again

Paraplegic actor, Sam Worthington, has miraculously regained the use of his legs following a visit to a specialist acupuncture clinic in Prestatyn, North Wales. The star, who features in the multi-award winning film, Avatar (where he is typecast a...

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Funny story: The Day the Music Fried

The Day the Music Fried

The body of Buddy Holly, the fifties rock'n'roller who was thought to have died in a plane crash in 1959, may have been found stashed in a fridge in Graceland, the home of the late Elvis Presley. The grisly discovery was uncovered by a visitor to...

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Funny story: Pope Benedict XVI Joins Facebook

Pope Benedict XVI Joins Facebook

Not to be outdone by the Dalai Lama, who recently joined the twitter revolution, Pope Benedict XVI has signed up for a Facebook account. The profile photo, taken in an Ayia Napa bar, shows him having a few drinks with his cardinals during their annua...

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Funny story: Tyson Will Fight Again

Tyson Will Fight Again

Confirmation that former world heavyweight champion, and convicted rapist, Mike Tyson is to stage a sensational fight comeback has been aired on live TV this morning. In an interview with Harry Carpenter Jnr, of SkySpots, he said, "People who thin...

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Funny story: Rickshaws to be introduced in UK City Centres

Rickshaws to be introduced in UK City Centres

In a madcap bid to save the planet (and shorten the dole queue) Prime Minister, Gordon Brown, has backed an audacious plan to ban all motorised vehicles from UK City Centres. The plan, developed by the IPCC, is to make use of the thousands of rick...

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Funny story: Old People More Likely to Start a World War

Old People More Likely to Start a World War

Latest research from the University of Camberwick has shown that people over the age of 85 are more likely to start a serious world war than people half their age. In a paper published in "Which War" Magazine, top scientists claim that out of 5000...

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Funny story: Headline writer ate my guinea pig

Headline writer ate my guinea pig

Veteran Headline Writer, Herbert "Guinea Pig" Puddles, is at the centre of yet another controversy following reports that he broke into the restaurant of top TV Chef, Hugh Burnley Whippingstool, and ate one of his pet guinea pigs. The grizzly scen...

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