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Funny story: Secret Email exposes Post-Election Todo's of Candidates

Secret Email exposes Post-Election Todo's of Candidates

Secret email just posted on Drudge Report reveals the secret email todo's of all 4 ex-candidates: Barack Obama 1. Change clothes. 2. Change location of nation's capital to Hide Park, Chicago. 3. Change Camp David to Kamp Kenya. 4. Change speed-dial setting #1 to Commissioner of Internal Revenue Service, then get even with Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, Michael Savage, and Judge Retort. S...

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Funny story: Secret service agents take Obama to gym

Secret service agents take Obama to gym

Washington, D.C.* - Secret service agents on their way to the gym early yesterday morning, spotted a tall, lean black man running through the streets of Washington. Recognizing that he was none other than President-elect Barack Obama out jogging...

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Funny story: Obama Astonishing Vow To Create 'Civilian National Security Force'

Obama Astonishing Vow To Create 'Civilian National Security Force'

Barack Obama at last reveals specifically his meaning of 'change': "We cannot continue to rely on our military ... We've got to have a civilian national security force that's just as powerful, just as strong, just as well-funded." When his speech is played backwards, a mysterious voice with a German accent can be heard chanting: "Turn me on, master plan -- Turn me on, master plan -- I burie...

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Funny story: Anne Rice goes from vampires to Jesus

Anne Rice goes from vampires to Jesus

Metro Transylvania - Authoress of phenomenally successful money-maker "Interview with a Vampire", the queen of hard-bitten fiction took all her enormous wealth from the vampire series and bought her soul back from Satan. Next, in the most strategi...

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Funny story: Python dish raises ire of animal group

Python dish raises ire of animal group

PE3TA -- People for the Edible Ethical Elevated Treatment of Animals -- have demanded scientists cease feeding lab pythons from dishes, citing the resulting cruelty this perpetrated on the poor creatures who can't hold a knife and fork in the first p...

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Funny story: Scientists develop realistic artificial heart

Scientists develop realistic artificial heart

Immediately after scientists announced the availability of the new heart, they received special visitors John McCain and Barack Obama. Both began arguing over who should get the heart. McCain claimed that he needed it because his was so old. Oba...

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Funny story: Starbucks' business may have bottomed

Starbucks' business may have bottomed

A top executive explained that Starbucks' business had become as black and burnt out as the sludge at the bottom of a cup that's been left up on a commuter's dashboard in the sun all weekend. He further added that dealing with the many store clo...

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Funny story: Children's film-goers get R-rated sex flick

Children's film-goers get R-rated sex flick

South Jorkan, Uthaw - Movie goers were in for a bumpy ride last weekend at the Megaflicks Theatre last weekend expecting to see the new Disneak "High School Musical 33: Senial Year" but instead witnessing by accident Disneak's new, R-rated flick: "S...

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Funny story: Restaurant closed after dead deer found in kitchen

Restaurant closed after dead deer found in kitchen

Deerburger, N.Y. - Health officials raided the CHINA KINK restaurant after patrons reported hearing strange noises from the kitchen, especially deer horns followed by loud crashing around, baying dogs, then rifle shots, and finally cheering. Hea...

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Funny story: 2001 Obama: Tragedy that 'Redistribution of Wealth' not Pursued by Supreme Court

2001 Obama: Tragedy that 'Redistribution of Wealth' not Pursued by Supreme Court

Washington, DC - Barack Obama, in order to diffuse the growing controversy of Joe the Plumber, has switched to John the Justice, and is calling upon the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court to spread the wealth around the members of the court a little.

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Funny story: Obama Does Not Regret 'Spread the Wealth' Comment

Obama Does Not Regret 'Spread the Wealth' Comment

Excerpt from his latest speech: "I have a plan to spread the wealth. Wealth - well, it's like peanut butter. And after the last eight years, of the Bush administration, and McCain will give us more of the same, of the Bush administration, because he's just the same, you never see the both of them, in the same place at the same time, do you? Nope. And … where was I? Oh, yeah...

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Funny story: 8th grade textbook has Obama chapter

8th grade textbook has Obama chapter

Many grade schools have begun the new school year with a new chapter in their standard textbook enthusiastically reflecting the upcoming expected new Presidential administration. Here are samples from the new chapter: HISTORY Section: Obama sez: History doesn't matter. I'm going to change it anyway. Don't bother learning about all that old stuff because it's all Euro-centric to begin w...

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Funny story: Parents Use Dogs to Sniff Scent of Drugs on Teens

Parents Use Dogs to Sniff Scent of Drugs on Teens

Parents in Snifataway, New York, attempting a novel approach at detecting teen drug use, are encountering unexpected results. Employing dogs trained to sniff out contraband from international shipping containers, borrowed from the New York Port Au...

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Funny story: Anthropologists discover new human sub-race: Decorative-Americans

Anthropologists discover new human sub-race: Decorative-Americans

First there were white-Americans. And they discovered native-Americans. These fled west, forcing white-Americans to invite in African-Americans to share-the-wealth. Anthropologist Professor Alfred Sneikenpeikr from University of California Berke...

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Funny story: India to the Moon!

India to the Moon!

India has launched its first foray into space, an unmanned probe to the moon in order to prove once and for all whether or not the moon is truly made out of curry. Expecting to raise a large cloud when the robotic spacecraft lands, Indian scientis...

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Funny story: Bush: 'Economy will come back'

Bush: 'Economy will come back'

Trying to bolster consumer confidence, President Bush has just predicted that the economy would come back, stimulating many to wonder: just where did it go? The usual pundits immediately cancelled their massages, wine tasting, and therapy to weigh in and comment: OBAMA: The present administration, which I'm going to replace, has kept the economy, which won't come back until I'm President,...

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Funny story: Canada votes to re-elect Conservatives

Canada votes to re-elect Conservatives

News flash from the Judge Retort Ottawa bureau: Ok. So, like, in a show of great northern neighborliness, the Canadians have made a beauty offer, eh. No, you should see! Look. They are so magnanimmm, magminomo, magnicartimous,… They are so big-hearted that - this is so beauty, eh! - Canadians are going to re-elect America's conservatives if Obama wins, eh. The Canadians think it's, like,...

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