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Funny story: Brothers Should Pull up Their Pants

Brothers Should Pull up Their Pants

"Brothers should pull up their pants," President Elect Barack Obama said when asked about laws being passed to outlaw sagging pants. I respectfully disagree, Obie One. I rather see young men busy trying to keep their pants up, their colorful underwear showing, than cracks showing over low slung jeans. We long ago crossed the line of decency. Slut is in. What does President Obama think...

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Funny story: A Florida Hanging Chad or a lynching

A Florida Hanging Chad or a lynching

I don't know about you, but for me wearing a noose is never politically correct, not even on Halloween. It's 9:30 PM on Halloween. The poll workers have counted the totals for the day (over 1700 votes), cleaned up the room and got ready for the next day of early voting. One of the few white pollworkers pulls a noose around his neck and sticks a name tag on his chest with "CHAD" handwritten on...

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Funny story: The Bradley Effect? Try the Military Effect.

The Bradley Effect? Try the Military Effect.

When Tom Bradley lost the '82 California governor's race, everyone blamed it on race. He'd been ahead in the polls. The Bradley effect refers to those who vote for the white candidate, yet tell pollsters they're undecided or likely to vote for a black candidate before the election. I have a wild theory that on this election we'll have a similar phenomena in the reverse. The Military Eff...

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Funny story: The Bradley Effect? Try the Military Effect.

The Bradley Effect? Try the Military Effect.

When Tom Bradley lost the '82 California governor's race, everyone blamed it on race. He'd been ahead in the polls. The Bradley effect refers to those who vote for the white candidate, yet tell pollsters they're undecided or likely to vote for a black candidate before the election. I have a wild theory that on this election we'll have a similar phenomena in the reverse. The Military Eff...

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Funny story: I feel like a man. I voted.

I feel like a man. I voted.

"I feel like a man," said my 19 year old nephew after casting his ballot the other day. He'd waited on line three times to vote, each time having to leave for class or some other obligation. Finally he waited an hour and a half and did it. He voted on each initiative, and chose among 13 presidential candidates, then spoke to me cogently about his choices. That little boy is now a man...

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Funny story: Pollwatching

Pollwatching

The Clerk doesn't seem to care for my presence inside the early voting site. I'm a certified pollwatcher, a volunteer for Barack Obama, there to ensure every vote is counted. I assume her focus is serving the hundreds of would-be voters that have been waiting on line for hours, many of them outside, under a hot sun. It's 2:00 PM and the temperature is in the 90's, with high humidity. Paramedics...

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Funny story: Sarah the Thriller

Sarah the Thriller

You just can't make this stuff up. Well, I'll try to envision what really happened there, how Neiman Marcus made Sarah Palin an action heroine. This is not about how Sarah traded a strong moral fiber for ultra expensive threads. Others have already covered that territory. I think it all began when a Walmart tag stuck out of the neck of Sarah's ill fitting striped jacket. Poor Cindy McCain...

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Funny story: Cindy McCain should replace Sarah Palin

Cindy McCain should replace Sarah Palin

John McCain could do no worse than to dump Sarah Palin and bring in Cindy McCain as his running mate. Not only is Cindy smart and photogenic, but she has more practical and business experience than all the presidential and vice-presidential candidates put together. In fact, when John was too busy politicking in Washington, Cindy bore his children and single handedly raise them. She helped p...

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Funny story: Bristol Palin's fiancee running for Alaska senate

Bristol Palin's fiancee running for Alaska senate

Levi Johnston, Bristol Palin's fiancee and high school drop out believes he's qualified to run for the Alaska Senate. Judging by his future mother in law's whirlwind political career, Levi shouldn't have any problem reaching his dream. "A High...

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Funny story: Terrorism in America

Terrorism in America

Grandmother grabs McCain's microphone during a town meeting and says, "I'm terrified. Obama's an evil Muslim, he'll kill us all." "Not true," McCain replies. "Barack Obama is a good man, and if he wins, you can be sure this country will be in good hands. All we've been saying is, it'll be in better hands if I win." "But what about what Sarah's been saying?" The woman insists. "Senator...

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Funny story: November 5th, 2008 - Nightmare's Over

November 5th, 2008 - Nightmare's Over

I've just awakened to a new day, full of joy and hope for the future. My candidate has won by a landslide. The story this morning is no longer about who won, but by how much. Half the political pundits are on their way to Alaska to go into torpor with the bears until spring, but I wouldn't mind if they hibernated for the next four years, perhaps eight. The ringing of the opening bell a...

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Funny story: Dirty, sexy stiletto politics

Dirty, sexy stiletto politics

"Obama has been palling around with terrorists who would target their own country," Sarah Palin has been repeating into the microphone for a few days now, strutting around in her black stiletto boots. What can Obama do? He can't ignore the atta...

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Funny story: President Bush Suffers Nervous Breakdown

President Bush Suffers Nervous Breakdown

President Bush was rushed to Walter Reeed Hospital, having collapsed after giving a letter to a CNN reporter during a press conference. The letter states the following: "My Fellow Americans, I've come to realize I might be the worst President in the history of the United States. Yes, I had so much power and I've squandered it. I've wasted your hard earned tax dollars on a war to nowhere.

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Funny story: Ms. Palin, you're no Angelina, I know Angelina

Ms. Palin, you're no Angelina, I know Angelina

At a time of war, when our country's economic future looks as uncertain as Iraq paying for its own reconstruction, the country's insulted that John McCain couldn't find someone prettier and more qualified to be his running mate. Yes, he can use Palin's energy and spunk to give him a boost, but Angie has class. He's after all an old man who's beginning to walk with a shuffle, looks grumpy and...

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Funny story: Bailout Passes House, Paulson Crowned King

Bailout Passes House, Paulson Crowned King

Ok, now that the House passed the bailout plan, we're officially a socialist country. Thanks to George Bush, we're capitalists in good times, socialists in bad. Lenin would chuckle. Will the $700 billion (plus a billion and a half of pork barr...

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Funny story: Duane "Dog" Chapman goes after Wall Street honchos

Duane "Dog" Chapman goes after Wall Street honchos

From 3 pages to 300, from $700 billion to $850 billion, from bad to worse. Ok, folks, the bill approved by the Senate last night now looks like your run of the mill pork barrel spending, complete with concessions for wooden child arrows and those who bike to work (look it up, I'm not kidding). Oh, and the bill's suitably tied to a mental health initiative (you'd have to be nuts to make this st...

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Funny story: Sarah Palin's Trade Missions with Russia. Garbage?

Sarah Palin's Trade Missions with Russia. Garbage?

By now we know Sarah Palin's worldly because of Alaska's proximity to Russia. "They're our next-door neighbors and you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska -- from an island in Alaska," she said to Charlie Gibson. "We have trade missions back and forth. We, we do, it's very important when you consider even national security issues with Russia as Putin rears his head and comes into t...

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