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Funny story: 'Jim Brown's Schooldays' by John Browne

'Jim Brown's Schooldays' by John Browne

'James Brown was feeling good - he had known that he would, like the sugar and spice that his mother had kindly sent him in his POW parcel from distant Bedfordshire, how he wished he could escape from this concentration camp for schoolboys in Berkshire - Blackfriars Stalag Luft VII College for Unwanted Second Sons. 'Oh well', he thought, 'at least I have the soccer match against the Eton Rifles...

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Funny story: Secret language of Presidents and other leaders analysed

Secret language of Presidents and other leaders analysed

Researchers in San Diego have been studying what they described as 'the secret language of Presidents', by using a new machine to monitor words said by Presidents that other human beings can't hear. The current President's cheesy grin and corny mixtu...

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Funny story: 99% of Brits don't know who Cheryl Cole is either

99% of Brits don't know who Cheryl Cole is either

As well as most Americans never having heard of Cheryl Cole, whoever she is, it turned out that 99% of British people didn't know who she is either - except for the usual celebrity-obsessed kiddies that read The Daily Star and think parts of the body...

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Funny story: 'Eastenders' Desperately Hyped

'Eastenders' Desperately Hyped

As ratings fell heavily down on Walford, a borough of East London, Peggy Mitchell opened the doors of the Queen Vic and another episode of the feeble once-popular soap opera 'Eastenders' began. ''Allo, Peggy', Dot Cotton said to her in that voice that sounds like an undertaker on Prozac's as she went into that public house, 'can I have my usual please?' 'One strychnine wiv arsenic coming up',...

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Funny story: Polanski wins best director award in Berlin

Polanski wins best director award in Berlin

Roman Polanski has won the Silver Swastika for best director at the Berlin Film Festival for his new film 'The Ghost Perver'. Polanski could not accept the award as he is under house arrest and fighting extradition to the USA over a conviction of...

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Funny story: Why Do The Winter Olympics Take Place?

Why Do The Winter Olympics Take Place?

As the Winter Olympics continue in wherever the hell they're taking place in this year, other athletes and sports people were wondering why exactly the Winter Olympics takes place at all. 'Don't ask me', four times gold medal-winning decathlete Daley Thompson said, 'I mean, it just seems like a lot or boring gits from cold countries nobody wants to visit playing boring games and jumping off thi...

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Funny story: Archbishop Tutu in Gnome Health Study

Archbishop Tutu in Gnome Health Study

Scientists have analysed the gnomes of five South Africans, including Archbishop Desmond Tutu, to study their genetic diversity and health. The study, published in the magazine Fishing Rod, compared the genes of the Archbishop's garden gnomes with...

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Funny story: Sharon Stone speaks out again about earthquakes - this time the one in Haiti

Sharon Stone speaks out again about earthquakes - this time the one in Haiti

Hollywood actress Sharon Stone, once famous for being tall and blonde and tall and blonde and firing blanks from fake guns in movies, but now the world's leading climatologist and expert on seismic tremors and tectonic plates, today made a long-await...

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Funny story: Another Controversial Answer to the Meaning of Life Discovered

Another Controversial Answer to the Meaning of Life Discovered

Following news here that an Englishman in the Black Country had claimed to have discovered the meaning of life in a dictionary, a claim now disproved by the American Society of Simpleology but believed by most Americans as ABC News said it was true,...

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Funny story: Review: Turkeys

Review: Turkeys

In my capacity as a Spoof reviewer who also writes about cooking, I posed myself the question today - how do you review a piece of food? And isn't a review a writeup about a play or a rock band playing or something like that? But undaunted I opened the day's post and found a box full of frozen turkeys in it! My initial reaction was one of fear, as I know that turkeys spread ghastly pandemics of...

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Funny story: 'Self-Publicists Make Your Ears Hurt' reaches Number One

'Self-Publicists Make Your Ears Hurt' reaches Number One

'Self-Publicists Make Your Ears Hurt', the song recorded to help feeble B-list faded pop stars to publicise themselves to help the tragedy that is their careers, today went straight to Number One after its organiser Simon Lithpfool went round to his...

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Funny story: When I Grow Up I'll Be ...

When I Grow Up I'll Be ...

Do you remember what you wanted to be when you grew up? A study of thousands of 11-year old American children in 1969 offered a snapshot of how they imagined their lives would be when they reached 25. Here are a few of their predictions: Barack Obama: 'When I grow up I hope to go on holiday to America or even become an American, as I have spent all my life on islands in the Pacific Ocean. If I...

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Funny story: Nazi Party meets in Nuremberg to vote on membership changes

Nazi Party meets in Nuremberg to vote on membership changes

The National Socialist Democratic Workers' Party - the 'Nazis' - today held an extraordinarily silly meeting in Nuremberg for members of it to vote on amending its rules to allow Jews, Communists, Socialists, Trade Unionists, blacks, Asians, Romanies...

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Funny story: Courtney Love's speech to the Oxford Union in full

Courtney Love's speech to the Oxford Union in full

American 'grunge' singer and guitarist Courtney Love made a speech to the Oxford Union today, and here it is: 'Yo, students! Listen, ya know my real passion in life ain't coke or heroin or booze or smashing guitars up on stage, no way, Elvis Presley! No, what I really love is quantum physics, man, and all that Greek myth stuff. Yeah, I get up on a Sunday and get out my computer, like, and my 'N...

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Funny story: Yet Another Modest Proposal - To Teach Americans The History of The English Language and How To Spell It Correctly

Yet Another Modest Proposal - To Teach Americans The History of The English Language and How To Spell It Correctly

A modest proposal - to not only teach Americans the history of the English language, but to also teach Americans how to spell its words correctly rather than dropping letters out of words to save space, and misspelling words like primary school children do. There is nothing troublesome about users of the English language spelling it correctly, and if American children are taught to misspell the...

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Funny story: The Mr. Men don't celebrate any anniversary today

The Mr. Men don't celebrate any anniversary today

The Mr. Men and Little Misses, cartoon characters created by Roger Hargreaves 39 years and 233 days ago today, had no anniversary today but were used shamelessly by the BBC to plug their programmes anyway. The characters are still very popular with small children and here is a list of some them: Mr. Liar: a grinning man that can't stop telling lies - lies about weapons of mass destruction, croo...

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Funny story: The United States' inventions since 1776

The United States' inventions since 1776

The English language (that comes from England); massacring the Red Indians (whose survivors' descendants hate being called 'Native Americans'); avoiding two World Wars while the British risked their entire existence fighting them; The Oprah Winfrey Show; Tom Cruise movies; believing they're important in a world really ruled from London, Paris, Madrid, Moscow and Beijing; Not realising they'r...

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