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Spoof stories written by norma snockers

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Funny story: Synonyms For Masturbation For Men

Synonyms For Masturbation For Men

A date with Mrs. Palmer and her 5 slut daughters Auditioning the hand puppet Badgering the witness Beating the fuck out of your best friend Beating the shit out of your incapacitated midget Beating the snot outta Rotney Beating the snotty end of my fuck stick Blueball baseball Calling down for more Mayo Calling in the National Guard to assist you in a strategic crisis...

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Funny story: Best firewall Ever

Best firewall Ever

1. One human cell contains 75MB genetic information. 2. One sperm contains a half of that; that is 37.5MB. 3. One ml of semen contains 100 million sperms. 4. In average, ejaculation lasts for 5 sec and contains 2.25 ml semen. 5. This means that the throughput of a man's member is equal to (37.5MB x 100,000,000 x 2.25)/5 = 1 687 500 000 000 000 byte/second = 1,6875 Terabyte/sec This...

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Funny story: Synonyms For Masturbation For Women

Synonyms For Masturbation For Women

Applying nail polish remover Auditioning the finger puppets Brushing your afro Buttering your bagel Checking for squirrels Checking the foxhole Checking the oil Checking the status of the I/O port Cleaning my fur coat Coaxing the genie out of the magic lamp Defrosting the freezer Dialling the rotary phone Diggin' the stench trench Digging for my keys Doing...

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Funny story: Pros & Cons of Having a Threesome

Pros & Cons of Having a Threesome

Pros: 1. It can get really weird 2. Someone can go for beer without interrupting the proceedings 3. There's always a hand or mouth free when you need one 4. Motel rooms split 3 ways are only $13 5. You get to watch your best friends making love 6. You get to get watched making love 7. Simultaneous enjoying intercourse and oral sex has to be experienced to be believed 8. You...

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Funny story: The magic troll

The magic troll

There once was a King and Queen who ruled a kingdom by the sea. One day the King's brother, who ruled a kingdom in the mountains, took ill and needed help ruling his land. The first king volunteered to help and explained to the queen that his brother's illness may last many months. They would see one another each weekend. Every other weekend the king would journey, on horseback, down from the m...

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Funny story: Ovine Love

Ovine Love

A researcher is conducting a survey into sheep shagging. First of all he visits a Cornish farmer. "So, Cornish farmer, how do you shag your sheep?" "Well, I take the hind legs of the sheep and put them down my wellie boot and take the front legs of the sheep and put them over a wall." "That's very interesting," replies the researcher and he leaves the Cornish farmer. Then he meets a Midla...

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Funny story: There's two sides to every story

There's two sides to every story

TO MY DEAR GIRLFRIEND During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 7 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be asleep 22 times you...

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Funny story: Losers flock to 'Whack-the-Banker

Losers flock to 'Whack-the-Banker

The owner of a pier arcade in Suffolk, has re-invented an old favourite where people had the opportunity to hit the well-known garden pest, the mole. He has found that the new version, which also allows the public to attack another well known high-st...

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Funny story: Snow White (Adult)

Snow White (Adult)

Snow White was desperate for a fuck she went to the woods to try her luck. She'd almost given up looking, when she saw some chimney smoke, then she stumbled on the cottage, and went in for a poke. Her clothes came off in seconds. and she'd just removed her pants, when seven dwarfs came marching in, with a merry song and dance. Snow White just stood there speechless, and thought sh...

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Funny story: I can't swim

I can't swim

Mike walks into a bar and sees Pat sitting at the end of the bar with a great big smile on his face. Mke says, "Pat, what are you so happy for?" "Well Mike, I gotta tell you. Yesterday I was out waxin' my boat, just waxin' my boat, and a redhead came up to me, tits out to here, Mike. Tits out to here! She says, 'Can I have a ride in your boat?' I said 'Sure you can have a ride in my boat.' So I to...

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Funny story: Houses of Parliament in Toilet Roll Shortage Shocker!

Houses of Parliament in Toilet Roll Shortage Shocker!

In a blog written today, it has been disclosed that the Palace of Westminster came extremely close to running out of toilet paper. There were only two rolls left in the entire building left and it would mean that MPs would out to 'rough it out' and u...

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Funny story: "The' Playboy Stakes' Horse Race"

"The' Playboy Stakes' Horse Race"

Horses in the race are: 1. Passionate Lady. 2. Bare Belly 3. Silk Panties 4. Conscience 5. Jockey Shorts 6. Clean Sheets 7. Thighs 8. Big Johnson 9. Heavy Bosum 10. Merry Cherry At the Post: They're off! Conscience is left behind at the post. Jockey Shorts and Silk Panties are off in a hurry. Heavy Bosum is being pressured. Passionate lady is caught between Thighs and Bi...

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Funny story: 'Gold-digger' girl 17, marries man 112

'Gold-digger' girl 17, marries man 112

They call him the 'Horn of Africa'. At 112 years old, Ahmed Dore has a reputation to live up to. He has already got 18 children and in the process has worn out 5 wives; and, like a Duracell rabbit, he keeps going and coming and going and coming, on...

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Funny story: How NOT to look good naked!

How NOT to look good naked!

After watching a TV programme; GOK: How to Look Good Naked, a Springfield, Virginia, man has been arrested. He was seen by a woman, making coffee in his own kitchen in the nude. The incident happened at around 5:30 a.m. on Monday morning and if foun...

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Funny story: A recession tip: easier way to give up smoking!

A recession tip: easier way to give up smoking!

You can give up smoking quite easily by sticking one cigarette from each new pack up a fat friend's arse, filter first, then replacing it in the box. The possibility of putting that one in your mouth will put you off smoking any of them. This would also make a great party game of 'Russian Roulette', and is also the fastest way to lose friends!...

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Funny story: The Tale Of Freddie Law

The Tale Of Freddie Law

This is the tale of Freddy Law whose sexual equipment got jammed in the door. By the time they freed him, he didn't feel well for his private parts were mangled to hell. They rushed him to hospital, the ambulance flew, but when they arrived, there's nought they could do. What a bad blow for Fred, condemned without choice, to live with no sex and a high squeaking voice. But lucky for Fr...

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Funny story: Making love to a beautiful woman is like...

Making love to a beautiful woman is like...

SENDING EMAIL: Sending email is like making love to a beautiful woman, you have to give the right messages and press the right buttons. Then hey presto, it's arrived in her box! MAKING COFFEE: Making a cup of coffee is like making love to a beautiful woman. It's got to be hot. You've got to take your time. You've got to stir... gently, and firmly. You've got to grind your beans until they squ...

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