Leather faced grumblestiltskin Jose Mourinho denies rumours he may take over the sacrificial lamb/temping post of England manager but has thrown his name into the bullet riddled hat to be the next president and manager of struggling third world divis...
The M25 of the aviation world, Heathrow, has half baked five radical new 'pilot' schemes to combat its growing over use.
1. Don't get bogged down with facts or jokes. These will only slow down the pace of your piece. Just re-word a BBC news article.
'Lazy, bearded and speaking in tongues' is how Jacqui Smith described the 1.1 million immigrants currently filling a necessary niche market in the UK economy by cleaning people's car windows at traffic lights and supplying the UK with muc...
Numb nosed and shout proud, all rowdy and louded in they glided and table-sided us mild dining, romantic hiders.
The 'toxic' chanteuse famous for hitting a baby one more time has eloped with confused ex-Lib Dem burden Sir Menzies Camp Bell.
For years people called me a 'tiny-tranny-perv-beast' and a 'rotten little Scot slipper' so I know what it's like to be on the end of an extra long, wordy insult.
The age of abortion is to be raised to seventeen it was happily announced today by leading political 18 year old David Millipede. Unwanted teen 'mistakes' can now be rectified by getting a registered GP to back over him/her in a four door Mar...
Partially sighted evidence-losers, the Portuguese police, have today sacked the 'parents' of missing Madeleine McCann from their PR department.
Semi-pickled nylon clad monarch The Queen today unveiled a Damien Hirst designed memorial to all the insects and plants killed in World War Two. The piece depicts a woodlouse being cruelly fumigated by Nazi pest police.
Dashing money hoarding vagabond Richard Branson today spoke about his 'Virgin on the ridiculous' botched arse-exposing PR abseil down 'lucky for some' Palm's Casino on rising failure chat show 'Under Thatched Roof' with un...
It's no longer 'all about the Benjamins'. The American dollar is now so weak (think Adam Sandler movie weak), that the average supersized god bothering American is selling their notes to illegal paper merchants as this fetches more money...
A hospital bug the size of a big idea was captured today after apparently roaming the roach-lined corridors of an NHS minibus-hospital. The bug was apprehended and questioned by pest controlling pest Dean Snodgrass and was later forced to apologies t...
England ace John 'Chocolate Orange' Terry has broken his hair days before the team's impending defeat to dog-eating rock growers Estonia. Claude LeRouge, the team's hair and make up physio, spotted Terry's split end injury during...
Mangled and maimed British troops sent back from the one-sided war in former peace-mongering rogue state Iraq are being told they will have to raise their own funds for medical care in a 'bob-a-job' manner.
Japan. Home of barely edible raw fish, ninjas and self destructing middle aged hag-wagons Hyundai. But it is Japan's world beating advances in technology that first bought them to the attention of the civilised world. Japanese manufacturing slave...
Nearly man and fame-seeking environ-'mentalist' Al Gore's new film 'Things What Have Been Done Bad To The Planet' is not only factually ridiculous it is also insufferably dull and voiced by Bilko rip-off and fast-witted postwar fe...
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