Although you haven't thought about him for fifteen years, news has reached you that your old boss is still a bit of a **@@*. For the comedy value, you still follow him on Twitter and on Facebook (he is as unpopular on both of them as he is in real…
Your old mate Dave, now has a beard. You haven't seen him since before the first lockdown, and at first, you didn't know it was him until he shouted at you across the street, and you recognised his voice. It really suits him. Dave takes up the…
Brian Asshat, Chutney on The Fritz's most famous bachelor, has told the three people on his Twitter feed that he has recorded fifteen episodes of Bargain Hunt and plans to spend the day watching them. 'I have gone for some old classics with Tim Wo…
Replacement Bus Gavin Williamson was greeted with a round of applause at Mithering on the Trent, only to realise the delayed passengers were only being sarcastic. The morose vehicle told us, 'There I was going for a nice little run out, I mean it…
Is there a Daily Mail reader in your life? Do you have a relative that spouts views that would be embarrassing in an 89-year-old, but they are in their thirties? Do they buy the Daily Mail in a shop, bravely taking it home to read? Do they d…
A celebrity has told the same anecdote for the fourth time on television in a week. Interviewed by Graham Norton, BBC News 24, Lorraine, and Gordon Ramsey, in a cooking programme, the film star told the same anecdote four times. Known for his r…
Hello there, Raymond Ving here. You may remember me from some other nonsensical I have written on here. Anyway, I don't know about you, but I am yet to laugh at an episode of Miranda. Now, I know that watching people falling over all the time i…
Mithering on the Trent's leading Wasp Wayne Jones III has revealed that to no one's real surprise, he is looking forward to spoiling a few picnics over the summer. The dapper insect, who is not nearly as threatening as he likes to think he is told…
The inhabitants of charming little village Chutney on the Fritz were surprised that a few snowflakes fell this morning and have been blogging about it. Vicar Peter Lesley said 'I usually blog about Easter at Easter Weekend, but when I looked out o…
Chutney on the Fritz's Micro-news site has changed its name to Megan's Opinion - I say what I like, and I like what I say. The site, run since 2006 by Raymond Ving and his good lady wife Maureen, has seen a down-turn in its fortune during the pand…
The leading educational establishment, the University of Life, has revealed that it has now dropped all of its entry requirements. Lecturer and Spokesman Brick Outhouse said, 'Everybody says that they have been to the University of Life, so we jus…
Although people can now gather outside in groups of six, non-essential shops can open from April 12th, and Donald Trump hasn't troubled the world for a while; Chutney on the Fritz's leading busker Shane Worthington still hasn't learnt any happy songs…
David Jimson is a very good bloke, according to everyone who lives in his street. The 73-year-old has old fashioned values and likes to play Snooker in the pub when he can, but other than that he has very little in common with near name sake Jim D…
Husband, father and all-round good egg Gary Johnson was today telling anyone who was listening, about his recent, terrifying dream involving a little-remembered cartoon character from the 1970s. 'It was so surreal,' wrote Gary on his blog. 'Last n…
A marketing email from a restaurant has set a sad, lonely bachelor of on one, again. Florence's Wine Bar and Bistro sent an unsolicited marketing email to Steve Brickhouse about their plans for 2021 reopening and their planned live music nights in…
Although it has been a while since actor, singer-songwriter, and political heavyweight Laurence Fox has told us anything, it is even longer since another Laurence Fox, a 57-year-old father of three from Chipping Sodbury, has stated an opinion. We tho…
Chutney on the Fritz's historical sewage works are now listed, meaning that renovation work cannot be carried out without a lot of red tape, and along with the Pencil Museum, it now has two tourist attractions. Sewage worker Tim O'Tay said, 'This…
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