NEW YORK (Heewack News Network)-- Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer (D), whose escapades with a high-priced prostitute forced him to resign in disgrace, has earned the highly coveted "embattled" moniker from the nation's media.
HOLLYWOOD, Calif. (Heewack News Network)--Rival groups of fans holding vigils for Patrick Swayze engaged in a full-scale brawl while arguing over the terminally ill actor's legacy. Police reported 42 arrests; at least 12 people were injured.
BUTTE, Montana (Heewack News Network)-- The hearse carrying the body of famed stuntrider Evel Kneivel cleared a record 30 gravestones at his burial site, providing a spectacular ending to a solemn service and a storied career.
SAN DIEGO (HNN) -- No-holds-barred journalist/American hero Geraldo Rivera traveled to southern California yesterday and personally put out all of the wildfires that have devastated the region. Additionally, he made a citizen's a...
MACEDONIA, OHIO (Heewack News Network)-- Occasional TheSpoof.com contributor Heewack (not his real name) was stunned this morning to find that he had earned minus-2 points so far today, a development he called "unprecedented in his two-month his...
ATLANTIC OCEAN (Heewack News Network) - Despite the threat of sanctions by the Bush Administration, Tropical Storm Dean developed into a full-fledged hurricane and said if would come ashore "if it wanted to."...
Item: NASCAR officials are working with Fox to develop a prime-time comedy show.
NEW YORK (Heewack News Network) -- A fat middle-aged man was spotted on a busy street here toting a green plaid suitcase.
LONDON (Heewack News Network) -- Doctors said they are unable to save the foot of Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney, who was injured in last week's 0-0 draw with Reading. Team officials said Rooney may have to be "put down" this we...
LONDON (Heewack News Network) -- West Ham United have retained the services of the late Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain in a last-ditch effort to prevent striker Carlos Tevez from switching to Manchester United.
The Rt. Hon. Chamberlain, last s...
LONDON (Heewack News Network) -- Injured Chelsea captain John Terry said yesterday he is "dreading" his return to fitness this season because of bracist fans.
CAPE CORAL, Florida (Heewack News Network) -- Dozens of rock stars lined up outside the Pubix supermarket here after the chain announced that it would provide free quantities of certain drugs.
LOS ANGELES -- A reunion organized to celebrate the life of the late Jim Henson was marred by a vicious brawl between the Muppets and their chief rivals, the Ewoks.
WEMBLEY (Heewack News Network) -- The entire Manchester United football team has been quarantined following a massive herpes outbreak caused when an unnamed infected player kissed the Community Shield following the team's victory over Chelsea FC.
MANCHESTER, England (Heewack News Network) -- Manchester United continued its flurry of off-season activity by announcing it had signed Fetus McCLetus, the soon-to-be son of Mary and Kenneth McCletus of Woking.
LONDON (Heewack News Network) -- A new season approaches for the English Premier League--and for Chelsea FC supporters, a change of heart and best wishes to their good friends at Manchester United.
LONDON (Heewack News Network) -- An American tourist and a local had an inebriated two-hour conversation about football at a pub here without realizing they were talking about two different sports.
HEAVEN (Heewack News Network) -- God has delivered an ultimatum to former San Francisco 49ers Coach Bill Walsh, who died on Monday: He can coach Heaven's team using a single-wing offense, or he can go straight to hell.
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