HOLLYWOOD (Calf.) -- Last night I was on my way to interview Angelina Jolie and was passing the new sheik Pink Taco eatery when I spotted Andy Dick, in what appeared to be a latex condom costume. I was about to shout Dick a question when he gave the six-or-so paparazzi the finger and galloped into the eatery.
LOS ANGELES (Calf.) -- New 'soccer' superstar David Beckham, 32, is expected to earn an estimated $250 million over the course of his 5 year contract with Galaxy L.A.
MANHATTAN (NY,NY) -- Perez Hilton is the Internet's most devilish gossip columnist and he currently resides in Manhattan with his pet poodle Mariel. His signature colors are blush and bashful. His favorite drink is a Viagra Martini, and his motto...
CAMPAIGN TRAIL (FundRaisings) -- Barack Obama called an extraordinary press conference today, in which he said that if chosen the Democrat to run for President, he wanted to give every American consumer five dollars.
WASHINGTON (D.C.) -- Swank Capitol eatery Citronella recently refused Madonna entry because she was wearing jeans. When told she was improperly dressed in jeans, said pop star snapped at the maitre d' "that her jeans were more expensive than...
BEVERLY HILLS (Wilshire) *EXCLUSIVE* -- I've had to come out, to expose this news to you. I'm a Beverly Hills cop. That's right, I drive a squad car. No, I didn't pick up Paris Hilton, I was out at Big Muddy Donuts. Pity I can't pick up Megan Fox, with the future trouble she's going to cause me.
HOLLYWOOD (Glendale) -- No, it's not the aliens, but the Sheriff's Department itself that has launched an Internal Probe into Paris Hilton. Will it hurt? Who knows. The aliens usually return you unharmed, if with a little loss of dignity. I know that's what they did to me.
LOS ANGELES (Calf.) -- The screaming began when Victoria Beckham, in a tight pink dress and matching handbag, tottered on to the pitch in Carson, California, for a good five minutes of trying to get a kick. "Pass it 'ere," she shouted...
WASHINGTON (Lincoln Memorial) -- Reports filtered thought today that Ron Paul had died at Green's bakehouse on Blueberry after being written about too much.
PAPUA NEW GUINEA (Umbodungo) -- In what must only be described as excessive exhilaration, today a Bluebird of Happiness (BBOH) disappeared up it's own butt. In fact, Bluebirds of Happiness everywhere are being reported as flying up their own but...
DISTRICT COURT (L.A.) -- Legendary music producer (Wall of Sound) Phil Spector's hair is looking more and more frightened as his murder trial proceeds.
LONDON (Outside the Windmill) -- Sir Paul McCartney today told a mass media scrum that he had thrown all his bass guitars in the Thames. "Except one 12-string," Sir Paul said, "that I'm keeping to play Irish lullaby's in Belfas...
FRANCE (Le spit on use, Englise dogs) -- Tour de France riders in the peloton are speaking in English! Ces chiens.
WORLDFORUMS (Admin) - It's official! Dick becomes a squiggle on 94% of Internet forums. So if your name is Dick Smith, you'll forever be known as #@%!$ Smith. Censorship at work -- too right.
HOLLYWOOD (Burbank) * EXCLUSIVE * -- Paris Hilton is to take on the part of the Flying Nun, in a Remake of the old Sally Field series. Sally Field, now appearing in Brothers and Sisters, will guest as Mother Superior.
LOS ALMOST (NM.) -- Today at the Top Secret spreadable condiments facility, scientists made an incredible breakthrough. Doctors Chorizos Zambesi and Milo Oelschlager claim, they have captured, for the first time -- THE SPEED OF LIGHT.
SAN FRANCISCO (Calf.) -- Paris Hilton may not be the dilly dilly dolly dolly air-ess we all so photograph so much.
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