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Funny story: GOP, Internet Trolls Poke Senator Warren With Sticks

GOP, Internet Trolls Poke Senator Warren With Sticks

WASHINGTON D.C. - In the capital today, Donald Trump has been poking Senator Elizabeth Warren with a stick. "Misogyny gets votes!" Trump screams. "And women are silly because they were too stupid to be born with penises!" Warren took a deep bre...

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Funny story: President Trump Unleashes Nuclear Strikes on Planned Parenthood

President Trump Unleashes Nuclear Strikes on Planned Parenthood

WASHINGTON, D.C. - In a devastating and unbelievable development, President Donald Trump has struck every abortion clinic and Planned Parenthood center in the United States with nuclear weapons. "THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY ENTIRE LIFE!" Trump...

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Funny story: McDonalds Switches to New Format: Serenading Instead of Food Service

McDonalds Switches to New Format: Serenading Instead of Food Service

CHICAGO, IL - Steve Easterbrook, CEO of McDonalds, announced in a press conference that McDonalds restaurants will stop serving food immediately and serenade customers with songs released by the Disney Corporation. "So, the Republicans, who are ou...

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Funny story: American Airlines Unveils New Foot-Powered Airplanes

American Airlines Unveils New Foot-Powered Airplanes

FORT WORTH, TX - Doug Parker, the CEO of American Airlines, unveiled a new fleet of airplanes that have no engines and no floor. "A company's number one priority is customer satisfaction. We have been keeping up with recent trends, and we have dis...

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Funny story: Comedians Go on Strike

Comedians Go on Strike

HOLLYWOOD, CA - Comedians across America have declared a strike. They demand that the news stations resume their duties instead of abdicating their responsibilities to them. Jon Oliver angrily explained, "My job is to make people laugh. If I decide to do something that my audience does not enjoy, they demand a refund. And yet, stations have decided to let idiots lie through their teeth and foam...

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Funny story: Uber Changes Strategy: Hitting People Instead of Transporting Them

Uber Changes Strategy: Hitting People Instead of Transporting Them

SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Travis Kalanick, one of Uber's founders, has announced a controversial shift in the way Uber operates. "Companies need to adapt to the changing times," Kalanick announced. "We mistakenly thought that our customers desired to be...

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Funny story: Pope Francis Canonizes Video Game Character as Saint

Pope Francis Canonizes Video Game Character as Saint

VATICAN CITY - Pope Francis, dressed in a black "Sonic The Hedgehog" t-shirt, blue jeans, and shades, addressed his flock, announcing that the Church would canonize Frisk from "Undertales" as a saint. "Based on the news, someone has to say or do s...

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Funny story: Republicans Decide Voter Suppression is Too Much Work, Decide to Set Democrats on Fire

Republicans Decide Voter Suppression is Too Much Work, Decide to Set Democrats on Fire

WASHINGTON D.C.: Republicans unveiled a controversial tactic in their attempt to win the 2018 election. Senator Mitch McConnell told CNN, “We gained five points in the polls when we implied that Democrats should not have heads if they take back the Congress. So we've decided to hunt and kill them to ensure total control. Rand Paul is going to wear Al Franken's skin just in case someone decides...

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Funny story: Pac-Man Breaks Fourth Wall to Give Male Players Protips How to Interact with Women Voters

Pac-Man Breaks Fourth Wall to Give Male Players Protips How to Interact with Women Voters

(special guest editor: Pac-Man) Hello, everyone! My name is Pac-Man! I am a video game character created by Namco. It's about this time that one of your fellow Male Players, Loony Liberal, has a problem. Several million players have decided that brains are optional. This is causing problems, because you use us to make people happy. That would be difficult to do if you decide to drink toilet...

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Funny story: Joketsuzoku Warriors Splash Trump, McConnell, Kavanaugh with Nyannichuan Water

Joketsuzoku Warriors Splash Trump, McConnell, Kavanaugh with Nyannichuan Water

WASHINGTON D.C. - Chaos erupted in the nation's capital as elite members of the Joketsuzoku splashed President Donald Trump, Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, and Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh with Nyannichuan water from the cursed springs of Jusenkyo. The Joketsuzoku, a tribe of female warriors embedded deep in the deepest mountainous regions of China, were rumored to have died o...

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Funny story: Facebook CEO Vladimir Putin Denies Possibility of Russia Using Facebook for Disruptive Activities

Facebook CEO Vladimir Putin Denies Possibility of Russia Using Facebook for Disruptive Activities

MENLO PARK, CA: Facebook CEO Vladimir Putin sternly rejected the possibility of Russian interference using Facebook. Putin sighed, then explained, “You Americans – of which I am one, of course – love to spend every waking hour obsessed with fake news, zombies, and womens' sexuality. In Mother Russia, – which is the enemy of all who live, of course – the citizens are more concerned with how the...

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Funny story: Nancy Pelosi Unable to Say the Word "Impeachment"

Nancy Pelosi Unable to Say the Word "Impeachment"

WASHINGTON D.C. - In an interview with various reporters, Nancy Pelosi stated, "As House Minority Leader, I believe it is not the proper course of action to respond to Judge Kavanaugh with talk of impuuuu-" Pelosi then strained her face and squirm...

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Funny story: Old-Testament God Creates 11th Commandment: “Thou Shalt Not Engage in Victim Blaming, You Sadistic Morons”

Old-Testament God Creates 11th Commandment: “Thou Shalt Not Engage in Victim Blaming, You Sadistic Morons”

WASHINGTON D.C. - Emerging from the heavens amidst a flurry of lightning and ferocious winds, the Old-Testament God, commonly known as Yahweh, descended upon the United States Congress. “I am the Lord thy God,” Yahweh bellowed, shaking the ground...

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Funny story: Senator McConnell Channels Magneto, Shouts, “DEMOCRATS! WELCOME TO DIE!”

Senator McConnell Channels Magneto, Shouts, “DEMOCRATS! WELCOME TO DIE!”

WASHINGTON D.C. - Senator Mitch McConnell left his fellow politicians confused and terrorized when he took to the podium in Senate chambers, generated an electromagnetic force field, and shouted, “DEMOCRATS! WELCOME TO DIE!” Senators and staff fle...

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Funny story: USA Today Unveils New “Fact-Free USA Today”

USA Today Unveils New “Fact-Free USA Today”

MCLEAN, VIRGINIA – The national newspaper USA Today shocked the world on October 10, 2018, when it debuted its new “Fact-Free USA Today” format. President Donald Trump's op-ed, which claimed that the Democratic Party wanted to gut Medicare and use...

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Funny story: Judge Kavanaugh Presses Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start, Gets 30 Lives

Judge Kavanaugh Presses Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start, Gets 30 Lives

WASHINGTON D.C. - In a shocking development, Supreme Court Justice Brett Kavanaugh plugged an NES controller into his gavel and entered the infamous "Konami code" (Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, B, A, Start), granting him a grand total...

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Funny story: Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness: “Those Pro-Lifers Are Out of Their Damned Minds”

Sheogorath, Daedric Prince of Madness: “Those Pro-Lifers Are Out of Their Damned Minds”

NEW SHEOTH, THE SHIVERING ISLES – Sheogorath, the Daedric Prince of Madness, invited news reporters from MSNBC, CNN, CBS, ABC, Comedy Central, TBS, HBO, The Onion, and The Spoof to attend a press conference in New Sheoth, Sheogorath's home in the Shivering Isles. According to Tamriel lore, Sheogorath has spent countless millennia interfering with the lives of mortals, with acts ranging from mak...

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