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Spoof stories written by D. L. Hawkinson

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Funny story: A Foreign Policy Post Mortem: Why the Trump-Un Talks Really Failed

A Foreign Policy Post Mortem: Why the Trump-Un Talks Really Failed

According to evidence gathered by Politico, Mother Jones Magazine, and the New York Times, and corroborated by TMZ and Eddy’s Weekly Shopper, the failure of the United States and North Korea to reach an agreement has little to do with a quid pro quo...

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Funny story: Private Physician Comes Clean about Trump's Physical Exam

Private Physician Comes Clean about Trump's Physical Exam

UPDATED - Manhattan. In 2015, Dr. Harold Bornstein, Trump's doctor of 25 years, claimed that "if elected, Mr. Trump will be the healthiest individual ever elected to the presidency." In a follow-up interview, he qualified his position. If "he...

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Funny story: Extreme Temperatures Having Adverse Effects on Millions of Americans, could spell the end of economic recovery

Extreme Temperatures Having Adverse Effects on Millions of Americans, could spell the end of economic recovery

Upper Midwest, including Minnesota and Wisconsin. Now burrrr-ied under subarctic temperatures reminiscent of the POLAR VORTEX, literally millions of Americans are huddled in their thermal skivvies and parkas, shivering like nervous Chihuahuas. As...

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Funny story: Kim Jong-Un Admits Yearning for Ivanka Trump, Correspondence Discovered

Kim Jong-Un Admits Yearning for Ivanka Trump, Correspondence Discovered

Pyongyang by way of Trump Tower. It may be just a matter of time. So far, however, stranger things have yet to happen in 2018. It could also be the most intriguing yet stillborn Romeo and Juliet relationship of the Twenty-first Century. Muelle...

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Funny story: Local Man has bad Dreams, turns himself into Police*

Local Man has bad Dreams, turns himself into Police*

Portland. A local man, Carl Schlipty, a faucet hinge cleaner, turned himself into to police custody recently after experiencing several "unsettling" dreams involving tornadoes. "I was afraid I'd be a danger to myself and to others. I just couldn...

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Funny story: Do Your New Year's Partying Early This Year: Doomsday Clock Running Slow

Do Your New Year's Partying Early This Year: Doomsday Clock Running Slow

Earth. According to the Bulletin of Atomic Scientists, the Doomsday Clock is set to two and one-half minutes before midnight. As one scientist put it, "That's just long enough to find a brown paper bag and hyperventilate into it until you pass o...

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Funny story: Trump Beheads Bears Ears, plans partial decapitation of Mount Rushmore

Trump Beheads Bears Ears, plans partial decapitation of Mount Rushmore

Somewhere in Utah. After chopping off the head of Bears Ears National Monument, Utah, Trump is now honing his Trump© axe, according to several unnamed high-ranking sources, to hack away at just about all of this country's national parks. "It...

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Funny story: Navajo Code Talkers in Controversial White House Ceremony, Hook Up with Melania

Navajo Code Talkers in Controversial White House Ceremony, Hook Up with Melania

Washington, DC. At the White House, President Trump honored Navajo Code Talkers in a ceremony that even his staff admitted "was slapped together in ten minutes once we found out the old Indian dudes were in town," according to an anonymous, very seni...

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Funny story: North Korean Restaurant Opens Next to Trump Tower: Receives Worm-Free Reviews

North Korean Restaurant Opens Next to Trump Tower: Receives Worm-Free Reviews

New York. In an unprecedented move, a North Korean restaurant called the Fire and Fury opened in a vacant building right next to Trump Tower last weekend to massive, hungry crowds. Some of New York's more sophisticated diners undoubtedly were dra...

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Funny story: Corker, Trump Dispute Leads to a Fruitful Discussion about the Merits of Adult Undergarments

Corker, Trump Dispute Leads to a Fruitful Discussion about the Merits of Adult Undergarments

Washington, DC. Tensions are running high--once again--between Capitol Hill and 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. According to multiple reports, corroborated by several sources close to Capitol Hill and Pennsylvania Avenue, and documented by video and au...

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Funny story: A Thanksgiving Editorial: In Praise of the Common Turkey

A Thanksgiving Editorial: In Praise of the Common Turkey

As just about all educated people know, turkeys are among the smartest animals on the planet, perhaps in the galaxy. If they were mammals instead of birds, they would, in fact, be the smartest animals on the planet. (For some reason, known only to theoretical physicists, bird neural DNA seems to suffer from "leakage," also known as accelerated entropic seasoning syndrome. Because this is a hig...

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Funny story: Trump Enjoys Layover in Vietnam, accidentally squashes several children

Trump Enjoys Layover in Vietnam, accidentally squashes several children

Editor's Note: Inasmuch as LeRoy Ephers (see his claim to fame (and note that inasmuch as is almost never used in today's journalism)) winces at the possibility of writing another story for The Spoof, and inasmuch as he detests all the fake news stor...

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Funny story: World Series Marred by Fan Behavior, Breaks World Record by Creating Disgusting Messes

World Series Marred by Fan Behavior, Breaks World Record by Creating Disgusting Messes

Editor's Note: It should be noted that the writer of this story has less interest in professional baseball than most Americans have in world football, known as soccer to Americans, whereas football, from the American perspective, is often confused fo...

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Funny story: Highlights from the newly released JFK Files Raise Eyebrows, Possibly Implicate Marilyn Monroe

Highlights from the newly released JFK Files Raise Eyebrows, Possibly Implicate Marilyn Monroe

As conspiracy theorists are frothing at the mouth to find a smoking gun in the many newly released JFK files, they may be side-tracked by details contained in some of the more obscure documents. A few of the highlights: (1) J. Edgar Hoover wo...

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Funny story: Squirrel Bridge Construction Funding Eliminated, Squirrels now at Greater Risk

Squirrel Bridge Construction Funding Eliminated, Squirrels now at Greater Risk

Spokane. The proposed "Squirrels at Twelve O'Clock High" overhead street bridge that would safely link squirrels from South Elm Street to North Elm Street may not be completed after all, due to a decision by the city council to eliminate all current...

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Funny story: Writer Refuses Spoof-ploitation, Quits, Plans March

Writer Refuses Spoof-ploitation, Quits, Plans March

Portland. Highly regarded yet little-known Spoof writer, LeRoy Ephers, has decided that enough is enough. After 300 brilliantly written stories, and two so-so jokes, for both the U.S. and the U. K., he's going to hang up writing for The Spoof, des...

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Funny story: Dateline Washington: IQ Tests, Diapers, and WW III

Dateline Washington: IQ Tests, Diapers, and WW III

NEWS BRIEF Washington DC. The White House. In an apparent moment of rare confusion, President Trump challenged Senator Bob Corker to an IQ test, saying, "You're too short to be smarter than me." Corker responded, "Oh, go have your diaper cha...

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