America get ready for President Pence, so says former GOP Speaker John "J-Bone" Boehner in a conversation with CNN's Kris Godzilla. "He's destroying the presidency," Boehner sobbed before regaining his composure. "Look, behind closed doors Repu...
"The name's Bond--Jamirah Bond." You've read that right, the next 007 to hit the big screens in Gold Pooter is a female. Adding to the shock of the new female Bond is the fact that American actor Halle Barry will play the lead role. Bond fan...
Hollywood's newest power couple has announced that they are expecting a baby: According to friends of the engaged couple, Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg have been house shopping in anticipation of starting a family. What's not clear however is if t...
After Mini Donald released emails implicating himself in the secret back channel pipeline of gravy from a certain fast food chain to Chris Christie's Govorner's mansion, White House aides have started a whisper campaign saying that Donald Jr. is not...
Box Turtles in Kentucky stop eating and start getting sluggish sometime in the month of October, and that's why Senate majority leader Mitch McConnell desperately needs to pass an alternative to Obamacare by September. Mitch "The Bitch" McConnell...
Just because it's been quiet at the special counsel's office doesn't mean that a fight isn't brewing between President Trump and Robert Mueller. Mueller's new rack, normally neatly trimmed, is proof enough that he expects to meet the president mano a...
Dozens of Santa Fez police officers were sickened after eating suspect sushi provided by a caterer that normally provides chainsaw sharpening and repairs in this small New Mexico town. Police Dis-information Officer, Reggie Gruet, said the busines...
First Ivanka Trump's fashion company was sued for copying a chastity shoe (left foot only) made by FashionIkon in Transylvania. Now Ivanka Trump Collections™ is in hot water with the Vatican and true believers in the miracle of the shroud of Tu...
Uzia Remsen had dangerous Gibsonopathy* surgery to separate the hemispheres of his brain in an attempt to cure the hundreds of seizures a day that plagued him. Though Remsen no longer suffers from seizures, his right hand has literally taken on a...
A Denver woman accidentally killed seven fellow passengers with her bad breath while aboard a popular sightseeing train ride on the border of New Mexico and Colorado. Passengers on the J&O Tours train started screaming and passing out when Thi...
Gioni Malocutia suffers from Tourette's syndrome, an illness often skewered by comedians, but one that makes it difficult if not impossible to find a mate or even an occasional date in real life. After having zero success on traditional dating sit...
At a GOP auction for bankers and health insurance providers, Paul Ryan was recorded touting the body slamming abilities of certain senators. Apparently the senators and congressmen with the best stats for reporter body slamming auctioned off for the...
Embattled US Attorney General Jeff Sessions has left Washington to be with his people in the Village of Pelthor* deep in an Alabama forest. Sessions returns to his stomping grounds as a hometown hero for rising to the level of US Attorney General...
As she bit the head off of a chinchilla and drank its blood, Ivanka Trump called out the media for what she sees as harsh treatment of her father. "Some of the stories about my family I won't even dignify with a comment--I just can't believe the v...
Potentially pitting the President of the United States against the grandfatherly icon of fast food chicken, Colonel Sanders testified before an oxymoronic House Intelligence Committee while a transfixed world watched on television. In the unfoldin...
Completely unknown to the Western world and even our so called "intelligence agencies", it seems the Trump presidency has been a hit reality TV show in Russia and North Korea for an entire year. Trump Fools World is the popular new show produced b...
Tiger Woods may be out of the Voyager Tournament as details are emerging in the DUI arrest of the golfing legend: Apparently Woods was passed out and stalled in the fast lane of Intergalactic Highway Q451 West. Intergalactic Highway Police respond...
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