Suella Braverman is under fire once again as her incompetence as home secretary becomes obvious to everyone. Braverman, who is the first blobfish to be home secretary of the UK, appeals to the right-wing of the Tory party, who are renowned for being…
The International Mammary Foundation (IMF) have downgraded Britain's bust size from AA to A after what they describe as worrying signs of poor discipline and binge-eating of ministers. Financial bra-fitter Geoff Tits explained, "For many years, th…
Never before in the field of human history has a new leader destroyed a country's economy so quickly and so not deliberately. The nearest comparison would be when Basilius the Incontinent became Emperor in Byzantium in 845 and used the city's entire…
UK Chancellor Kwasi Kwarteng's first quasi-budget was announced today to cheers and celebration across the country. With the astute administrative skills of King Herod, he chancelled like he had never chancelled before and slashed taxes for the rich,…
As The Smiths confidently predicted in 1986 with their album "The Queen Is Dead", the Queen has finally snuffed it. So what happens now? For nine days the UK will be in a period of mourning. During that time, shops are not allowed to sell cakes or…
Slower than Boris Johnson. More powerful than she should be. Able to make tremendous leaps of logic in a single sentence. Look! Up at number 10. It's Thatcher. No, Are you sure? It looks a lot like Thatcher. No, it's Blunder-Truss! Yes,…
Multimillionaire and Victorian Minister of efficiency Jacob Rees Mogg revealed that he has no concerns about the current cost of living crisis. "However," he said, "I understand that due to high gaseous coal prices, some chaps may be a little short o…
After his entire cabinet resigned, Johnson appointed one of his spoilt 7 year old sons as Energy Minister. During a meeting where he was asked what the energy price cap should be, Rupert Johnson replied "A gazillion pounds!" before running away to lo…
Prime Ministerial hopeful Liz Truss told a confrontational audience in London today that they would not need to worry about the cost of living crisis. A woman pressed Truss angrily on what she was going to do about high inflation, high electricity…
After two week of sporting success and imperial glory, the Empire Games in Birmingham have finally come to an end. The closing ceremony featured Noddy Holder demonstrating the invention of heavy metal by lowering his sideburns into a concrete furnace…
I'm voting for Truss, definitely. Or I would if I had a vote. She reminds me of Thatcher because she's also a woman. I mean, they're all the same aren't they? I bet she has nice feet. Truss said she believed in spades in the ground. I agree with t…
The race to be the next UK Prime Minister is on. And it's a mediocre race to the bottom, a three-legged race run by amputee horses high on the ketamine of low taxes, where the loser is likely to be shot quite literally with the votes of the Tory memb…
Prime Minister Johnson is on his way out. The booze-stained corridors of Downing Street will soon no longer hear his trotters rattling along, or his coke-fuelled straw-headed blathering. After he has scuttled off into a cosy life of luxury and delusi…
As the zipper of time descends on its endless journey, the trousers of fate begin to loosen. Boris Johnson has discovered that the underpants of history, which he had only just begun to fill, are now soiled with the memory of his shitness for all tim…
Hi, I'm Buck Shanks, and I'm here to give y'all over there in England a run-down on the good ol' NFL. That's our kinda football. New York Rams took a pounding from the Chicago Bears 300-0. It was a memorable game as wide receiver Jefferson "Squelc…
By roving reporter, Man in a Spoons: I remember that one. Doris, his name was. Doris Bunsen. Yes, that were him. He were a right mess when I first saw him. He looked like a bleeding scarecrow. I thought he might be one o' them robot scarecrows,…
Doctors in Moscow have revealed that an aggressive colon cancer tumour living in the Kremlin has become infected with Vladimir Putin. It is unclear how the cancer caught the awful dictator, but it is believed that it had been living happily inside…
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