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Funny story: If You Don't Support Hillary, You're a Bigot!

If You Don't Support Hillary, You're a Bigot!

I'm sick of all these privileged bigots who are demeaning and denigrating Hillary. So I am here to educate you on why you MUST stop this. Here are the ignorant fools who need to check their privilege. 1. Iraqi orphans. Iraqi orphans have orp...

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Funny story: Kanye Ridicules Cruz & Trump Rap Battle

Kanye Ridicules Cruz & Trump Rap Battle

The Donald has tried to reach out to black Americans by staging a highly contrived music battle with Ted Cruz. However, he hasn't had much success. Man nah vote for Ted Cruiser, dis dull Establishment GOP loser! Man will nah vote, dis guy a jerk! Him Cruz Canadian, nah let man jive 'n' smirk! Man never vote for nah Teddy Cruz, Trump have fi win, me man dem Teddy lose! Cruz has hi...

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Funny story: David Cameron Patronises Disenfranchised 'International Community'

David Cameron Patronises Disenfranchised 'International Community'

Notable-Public-Figure and Establishment-Career-Dynamic David Cameron has decided that the Tories have failed to successfully integrate enough marginalised communities, so that they will just shut the hell up and stop making trouble. Admittedly, he put it rather more delicately like that, but (achingly-non-)arguably no less extravagantly: Now hearken unto me when I quoth this, dearest sillyb...

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Funny story: Stephen Fry Finds The Spoof 'Offensive,' Encourages Humorists

Stephen Fry Finds The Spoof 'Offensive,' Encourages Humorists

Stephen Fry has recently contacted The Spoof to express his grave displeasure at the contentious content published herein. There are too many snarky jokes about Ricky Gervais and Ronnie Corbett, but not enough about Hugh Lawrie, for example. Dissatisfied with our replies, he has penned an open letter to The Spoof. You know, nowadays, everything is just so overly delicate. You can barely move...

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Funny story: GOP Compromise: Support the Troops, But Not TOO Much!

GOP Compromise: Support the Troops, But Not TOO Much!

There's just no-one quite like Rand Paul in the current GOP running. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. (Probably neither, to be honest!) Still, never mind. Rand Paul has daringly sought and found the ideal pragmatic solution to TWO WHOLE PROBLEMS: veteran's welfare and foreign policy! Paul politically-hipsterfies as follows: What does 'Support the Troops' really mean to the...

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Funny story: Clinton Slams Bush: 'Warmongering, Cynical Establishment Career Politician!'

Clinton Slams Bush: 'Warmongering, Cynical Establishment Career Politician!'

The Dynasty Wars are heating up. Never mind Romance of the Three Kingdoms. Clinton vs Bush is where it's at! Or at least, it's where the money's at, anyways! See the transcript of Clinton's latest semi-public post on the notable TOR website known as Dark Internet Policy Forum: Jeb Bush? Look, I strongly believe in America and in meritocracy. OK? I just can't accept that in America, of all...

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Funny story: John Kerry 'Accidentally' Nukes The Onion, Sky Doesn't Fall In (2/2)

John Kerry 'Accidentally' Nukes The Onion, Sky Doesn't Fall In (2/2)

How have people received John Kerry's recent nuclear annhilation of The Onion? We'll start off with Hillary Clinton. Now listen here, young man. With all due respect, reporter… which ain't very much, let's be… Ah, HONEST… Erm… Well anyway, why so fastidious? Huh? I mean, you know, maybe Iran are, say, just a few decades ahead of schedule in developing nukes and this is the first...

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Funny story: John Kerry 'Accidentally' Nukes The Onion, Sky Doesn't Fall In (1/2)

John Kerry 'Accidentally' Nukes The Onion, Sky Doesn't Fall In (1/2)

Notable public figure, hilariously swiftboated, um, SWIFTBOAT political celebrity and darling of the MSNBC broadcasting-apologetical complex John Kerry… Well, he's just made yet another honest mistake in a somewhat lengthy line of honest mistakes. John Kerry has put his hermeneutical philosophy of 'The Constitution is a living document' into practice via a creative reinterpretation of the Fi...

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Funny story: Extremist Pinko Professor Vilifies Humanitarian Heroes

Extremist Pinko Professor Vilifies Humanitarian Heroes

Some recent comments about humanitarian heroism have failed to satisfy the ever-impossible-to-please satire news fixture, Pre-Senior-Professor-Guru-Emeritus Angus Lenn(on/in)vedanta Smiggles from the Social Constructionist String Theory Department in Bushmills Metaphysical College. Notable public figure and moderate political Tory-ist William Hague moans: It is just so very, very unfair, how...

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Funny story: New to the UK? Here's how to React when Someone Tells You about their Party Membership

New to the UK? Here's how to React when Someone Tells You about their Party Membership

1. National Front Gape open-mouthed, as though someone has just told you England has won the World Cup, and it had nothing whatsoever to do with a malign conspiracy by naughty refs. Run away as fast as you can to evade the stench of their Millwall armpits. Gasp as follows: WTF? Is that even a thing these days? 2. SWP/Spartacists/Any other miniscule gang of jackbooted Trotskyite thugs...

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Funny story: What's Next After Corbyn 'Chairman Mao Bike' Allegations?

What's Next After Corbyn 'Chairman Mao Bike' Allegations?

According to the papers criticised by the following link, Jeremy Corbyn doesn't just ride any bicycle... He rides a CHAIRMAN MAO BICYCLE!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! http://www.thenational.scot/politics/his-chairman-mao-like-bicycle-right-wing-press-loses-the-plot-as-jeremy-corbyn-hits-out-at-poverty-deniers.7645 White supremacist tabloid-believers across the entire...

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Funny story: Hezbollah Fury at Assad's "Secular Inclinations" Revelation

Hezbollah Fury at Assad's "Secular Inclinations" Revelation

Hezbollah has been assisting President Assad of Syria in fighting many of his enemies, not least the self-styled "Caliph" Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi. However, Hezbollah has recently decided to pull their forces out of Syria, on account of a shameless revelation the Syrian leader made on a Qatarese television show. In front of millions of viewers, Assad wept: I've had something on my mind a l...

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Funny story: Drone Address: Obama Condemns (-Ish) Suicide Bombers (2/2)

Drone Address: Obama Condemns (-Ish) Suicide Bombers (2/2)

Last time, just for a change, President Obama Sanders-meandered around for a bit, and made very heavy weather of expressing his policy intentions. But at least he got around to admitting that the world is not just shades of grey, and that there is such a thing as objective good and evil, right? Either way, (or "both and neither," if you're a certain notable Swiftboat celebrity), here's the...

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Funny story: Drone Address: Obama Condemns (-Ish) Suicide Bombers (1/2)

Drone Address: Obama Condemns (-Ish) Suicide Bombers (1/2)

President Obama has conclusively refuted all the unpatriotic pinkos who hate America so much, they want to maliciously and opportunistically hinder his drone campaign… Which latter, as we all know and agree, exists purely in order for your safety alone. Read it with an open mind. Well, I mean, c'mon; at least he's not a neocon, right? ;) Now let me say this. Well, why not? I...

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Funny story: England Victory Denialist Challenges Mainstream Views on World Cup 1966

England Victory Denialist Challenges Mainstream Views on World Cup 1966

Robust writer and charismatic rhetorician David Irving has just published some astonishing revisionist historical allegations. Yes: England's most non-UKIP of Holocaust revisionists now claims that Germany never lost the World Cup in 1966. Irving does admit that he didn't always think of it this way. However, there was as long, slippery slope, before he finally found 'bullshit at the end of...

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Funny story: Donald Trump Thanks Satire Media for Gifting Him 2016 Election

Donald Trump Thanks Satire Media for Gifting Him 2016 Election

Hey! Listen up, you poor, miserable, deluded little satire writers. You guys thought you could make fun of the old Trump here, you thought I was just like all the other guys, right? Yeah, I know what you guys do. I know your style. You did it to Clinton. You did to Bush. You're doing it to Obama. And somehow, you poor, pitiful little satire scribblers and jaded comedy jacks thought you cou...

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Funny story: British "Moral Panic" Tabloid Media is Far-Leftie Conspiracy

British "Moral Panic" Tabloid Media is Far-Leftie Conspiracy

Unsurprisingly, it turns out that the supposedly "right-wing" media in the UK has been infiltrated by malign and conspiratorial forces. To wit, a vicious gang of far-left radical extremists™ who are attempting to destroy conservative, libertarian, classical liberal, theocratic and even any vaguely centre-leaning politics from the inside. Rod Liddle murmurs: Hey man, it was only mean...

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