Washington D.C. (New York Times) In what is being called an unprecedented trade agreement, U.S. president Donald Trump has struck a deal with China in which the U.S. will ship unemployed U.S. workers to China in exchange for trademarks being grante...
Minneapolis, MN: The Minnesota Department of Natural Resources' "DNR EagleCam Live Stream" was temporarily shut down last night after the video stream showed a male teenage Bald Eagle masturbating. The DNR has been inundated with telephone calls and...
Washington, D.C. - According to leaked information from an anonymous source inside the White House, President Donald Trump approved yesterday's Tomahawk cruise missile strike against a Syrian airfield because Trump thought the U.S. would be launching...
Hollywood, CA: A movie idea that has been floating around Hollywood since Donald Trump won the Presidency has been permanently shelved due to extreme lack of source material. The proposed movie, to be entitled "50 Shades of Trump", was actually p...
Trenton, NJ (Fox News): The New Jersey legislature has sent back to committee a bill that provides the opportunity for ugly hookers to apply for state jobless benefits. The bill, H6901, added "Ugly Hooker" to the list of occupations eligible to a...
Washington D.C. (The Daily Beast): Six supporters of President Donald Trump are recovering after being locked in their car for three hours this morning. They were rescued by a 90 year old African-American lesbian who was walking by and noticed two o...
Colorado Springs (Denver Post): Four German Shepherd puppies apparently committed suicide yesterday, after their owner allowed her two-and-a-half-year-old toddler to name the dogs. All four puppies jumped out of an open window, ran six blocks, and t…
Sweatynton, NJ (Associated Press) An 11th grade student from Grover Cleveland High School was suspended yesterday after apparently confusing the name of the French author Honoré de Balzac with "honorary ballsack." The student, whose name isn't be...
Edinburgh, Scotland - Today Scottish Prime Minister Nicola Sturgeon told the media that she will push for a second referendum on Scotland's independence from the United Kingdom. This after, in Sturgeon's words, "...material change of circumstances br...
West Bend, IN, U.S. (Reuters) Michael Barnett, an electrical engineer from West Bend, Indiana, and his wife, Christy, have planned a vacation to Europe after 22 years of marriage. Christy Barnett posted to her Facebook page a video of her reaction w...
Kellyanne Conway, a Counselor to President Trump, yesterday during an interview with the Wichita Weekly Shopper admitted she is a transgender woman and has an "alternative vagina." Ms. Conway says she has been transgender since she was an infant,...
Geneva, Switzerland - C.E.R.N., The European Organization for Nuclear Research, has retracted its claim made on Monday of having created an actual black hole in the collision chamber of the particle accelerator. CERN issued a very enthusiastic pre...
A report released yesterday by the United Nations subcommittee for Global Employment Outlook predicts a shortage of competent suicide bomber instructors beginning in the first quarter of 2016 and continuing, likely, forever. According to the repo...
Wall Street - Standard & Poor's has downgraded the credit rating of lemonade stands to CCC from its previous rating of BB. Both ratings are considered non-investment grade, which means S&P considers lemonade stands to be very risky investmen...
Morehead, Rowan County, KY - Rowan County Clerk Kim Davis has nearly completed her preparations to become a martyr and speaker on the subject of the abomination of same-sex marriage. Davis decided earlier this year that she wanted to make a caree...
Donald Trump this morning blamed Mexicans for any torture that occurred at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, saying that "since Mexicans brought that nasty green guantanamo dip with them when they illegally crossed the border into Cuba, they've been force-feedin...
Fayetteville, AR - A recent study by the University of Arkansas found that a person's excitement about New Year's Eve and associated celebrations tends to fade with a person's age. Lead researcher Vernon Springer, PhD, professor emeritus at the U…
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