FLINT, MICH. --- Liberal film-maker Michael Moore and Conservative talking head Bill O'Reilly announced today their intention to tie the knot in Boston, Massachusettes, on July 4th, 2004.
In a surprise bid to capture the pacifist vote, Senator John Kerry today said that he will, if elected president, swap out all of the bullets in the United States of America with delicious, calming Krispy Kreme donuts.
Former brutal dictator Saddam Hussein, in a statement from his cell in the newly created partially- incharge- ocracy of Iraq that if the world ended tomorrow, that would be just fine with him.
"No, really," He said, "It could just blow up or get snowed under like in that new movie, and I would smile."...
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