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Spoof stories written by P.J. Maggitti

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Funny story: National Bogus Handicapped Parking Sticker Day Is Here

National Bogus Handicapped Parking Sticker Day Is Here

WILMINGTON, De.—What better way to observe National Bogus Handicapped Parking Sticker Day than by having lunch at a Tony restaurant with a confirmed handicapped-parking-sticker cheat? We'll call him Ralph. He is one of a notorious breed of white-col...

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Funny story: National Kick the Cat Day, Why Cats Hate It

National Kick the Cat Day, Why Cats Hate It

WEST CHESTER, PA--Although we celebrate National Kick the Cat Day, we do not advocate kicking cats literally; and we hasten to assure you that no cats were harmed during the writing of this monograph. We celebrate, instead, the existential notion of...

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Funny story: USA Reaches Out to British Satire Writers

USA Reaches Out to British Satire Writers

NEW YORK--The USA (United Satirists of America) has extended a hand across the pond to its British counterpart the RSPCN (Royal Satirists for the Preservation of Cheeky Nandos) in an effort to breathe some life into the "satire scenes" of these two s...

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Funny story: National Premature Ejaculation Day, What You Need to Know

National Premature Ejaculation Day, What You Need to Know

WEST CHESTER,PA—Good things come to those who wait and to those who can wait to come. Bad things, unfortunately, are the fate of the one in five men between the ages of eighteen and fifty-nine who suffer from the social scourge of premature ejaculati...

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Funny story: Divided Nation Unites to Celebrate National Blivit Day

Divided Nation Unites to Celebrate National Blivit Day

WEST CHESTER, PA—Today our divided nation unites in the observation of National Blivit Day. According to Reader's Digest, where blivit first appeared in a 1945 column called "Humor in Uniform," a blivit was originally defined as "ten pounds of shit i...

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Funny story: Ford Recalls 150,000 Drivers

Ford Recalls 150,000 Drivers

DETROIT--Concerned about the increasing rate of “irresponsible, negligent, and thoughtless behavior” exhibited by SUV drivers, Ford announced yesterday that it is recalling 150,000 drivers of the F-150, the Super Duty F-250, and the F-350 pickup truc...

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Funny story: Owen Wilson Celebrity Horoscope

Owen Wilson Celebrity Horoscope

Born today, you are the sort who doesn't get your nose out of joint easily. You are cheerfully willing to accept whatever life sends your way, whether it's an also-ran finish in the sexiest-person-in-the-office contest or an also-ran finish to Matthe...

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Funny story: Weighted-Blanket Death Syndrome on the Rise

Weighted-Blanket Death Syndrome on the Rise

WEST CHESTER--A seventy-five-year-old woman, whose name was being withheld at press time, was found dead in her apartment yesterday afternoon, trapped by the weighted blanket under which she had been pinned for some time. Neighbors, who had not seen...

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Funny story: Clean Shaven Satan Mocks Goatee Fashion

Clean Shaven Satan Mocks Goatee Fashion

For the first time in recent memory, Satan appeared in public without his devilish goatee. His Evilness—clean shaven and wearing cutoff jeans, a hoodie, and Blackspot Adbusters—was recognized by Helen Gunderssonn, lifestyle editor for the Minneapolis...

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Funny story: Sex Scandal Rocks Christian Mingle Dating Site

Sex Scandal Rocks Christian Mingle Dating Site

WEST CHESTER, Pa. – The massively popular dating site Christian Mingle has been rocked by a sex scandal. "Threesomes, foursomes, pedophilia, bestiality, anal sex, cock-fingering, scat play, you name it and apparently 'God will provide it' through Chr...

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Funny story: Consumer Reports 2019 Road Rage Survey

Consumer Reports 2019 Road Rage Survey

NEW YORK--According to Consumer Reports 2019 Road Rage Survey, the most likely road rage perpetrator this year was a male between thirty-five and fifty driving a blue, late-model BMW on a Tuesday afternoon at roughly 5:45. This is the second year in...

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Funny story: Five Celebrity Marijuana Brands We'd Like to See

Five Celebrity Marijuana Brands We'd Like to See

Celebrities are such douche bags. There isn't a fad, folly, or exercise in futility whose bandwagon doesn't come rolling down Rodeo Drive but that celebrities don't go running after it in the agitated pursuit of significance. Or money. Or notoriety.

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Funny story: Introducing the World's First Horoscope for Cats

Introducing the World's First Horoscope for Cats

Unlike other astrologers, who rely on the mundane, the analog, and the antiquated to arrive at their “predictions,” Catmando boldly goes where no members of the cosmological fraternity dare to venture, predicting the future almost before it happens a...

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Funny story: Dion Waiters Latest NBA Player to OD on Gummy Bears

Dion Waiters Latest NBA Player to OD on Gummy Bears

Miami Heat guard, Dion Waiters, is the latest NBA player to run afoul of THC-infused gummy bears. On his team's flight from Phoenix to Los Angeles on Thursday. Waiters, 27, suffered a raging panic attack after he had "overdosed" on THC-infused gummy...

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Funny story: Local Man Prefers Sex with Plants

Local Man Prefers Sex with Plants

Roger Stamen is not shy about declaring his preference in sexual partners. "Plants get me off," says Mr. Stamen, a self-employed landscape gardener. "They always have, ever since I was a kid. When other guys were masturbating to Penthouse or Beaver,...

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Funny story: Top 10 Reasons Cats Aren't Mentioned in the Bible

Top 10 Reasons Cats Aren't Mentioned in the Bible

Two things are certain about the bible: animals were harmed during its production, and cats are not mentioned anywhere in it. If you care to, you can find calves and camels, canker worms and cattle, cocks and colts, crickets and crocodiles, but no ca...

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Funny story: How to Tell If Your College Football Team's Uniforms Are Gay

How to Tell If Your College Football Team's Uniforms Are Gay

BRISTOL, Conn.-- Are we hallucinating again, or have college football uniforms become even more gay-looking than before? When your alma mater takes the field, do its team members look like football players, or androgynous superheroes at a comic book...

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