Canadian Pry Minister Dustin True-Dough recently held a press conference at the international airport of Gander, Newfoundland to announce that a resolution to the Ukraine crisis, as well as his own domestic turmoil, was imminent. "What we've done…
Doctors all over the world are reporting that patients who have been fully vaccinated against COVID are developing unusual scars on their foreheads and right hands. Puzzled, many have appealed to experts in other fields to offer their opinions as to…
"It started off as a rather whimsical promotion," said pub owner Mort Jigglethwaite with a chuckle. "I had no idea that it would spawn a formal scientific study!" "You see, Wednesday night is typically a slow time for our business, so when we le…
A recent rash of COVID-19 cases among visitors to County Cork, Ireland has been linked to the time-honoured tradition of kissing the famed Blarney stone. Padraig O'Seasnain, head caretaker at Blarney Castle had this to say: "I suppose we should…
(Funny Story) After Nepalese monk, Trungpye Dharmaprajna, successfully snatched the pebble from his master's hand, he spent forty days in deep meditation before deciding on the next phase of his journey. "My master agreed to send me and a handful…
Sources in the United States and Britain reveal that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth is poised to be appointed as honorary figurehead of the Ku Klux Klan. An interviewer in London spoke with the Queen as she was preparing to fly to New Orleans to meet...
Illinois farmer Jake ("Boss") Hogg was out walking his dogs early Monday morning, when he made a startling discovery. "It was awful quiet in the paddock. I couldn't see my hogs anywhere, so I walked the dogs around the perimeter of the fence.
After months of stalled talks, UN diplomats are pleased to report a significant breakthrough in negotiations between nuclear-armed rivals, India and Pakistan: "Neither side was willing to dismantle its nuclear warheads or decommission its rockets,...
It appears that comic actor Volodymyr Zelenskiy has just won the Ukrainian presidency by a landslide Exit polls and street interviews seemed to sense a national mood typified by the comments of diesel mechanic Taras Yuvechko: "The United States a...
Canadian rock band The Radically Whipped has found a replacement for deceased singer Gordon Downer. "When Gord died, we were really bummed out, because we knew no human being could replace him," said band member Bob Raker, "but then we started th...
On Tuesday of this past week, Republican Congressmen and Senators alike unanimously demanded that Huawei executive Meng Wanzhou be extradited to the U.S. to face capital punishment by stoning. Rob Patterson, founder of the 666 Club and spokestwit...
While the United States Congress appears to be poised to pass a measure mandating Daylight Saving Time for fifty-one weeks of the year, the tiny East European republic of Szjlobovjia has taken the opposite tack, with its parliament unanimously reject...
In a recent press conference, Canadian Pry Minister Justin Truedough briefly summarized efforts made by his country's scientists to mitigate greenhouse gas emissions: "We tried producing corn alcohol, but our Newfies drank up all of it before it could be added to our gasoline. Undeterred, our scientists turned to another crop which is being grown in massive quantities in our country." "Given...
A self-driving car has reportedly struck a moon-walking pedestrian this morning in San Francisco. Speaking on behalf of Testa Motors, Noel Skum stated that the computers in current self-driving cars have difficulty determining the direction of tr...
Young "incel" men, bitter and disillusioned by the discovery that they "can't get laid in a whorehouse", will soon be able to get laid for half price at any whorehouse in the state of Nevada, beginning this August. "We're doing this as a public se...
The summit meeting between Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un is apparently back on, after Dear Leader Kim acceded to one of President Trump's key demands. "I am only too happy to accept President Trump's challenge," announced the Dear Leader in a press...
In a televised appearance Friday morning, NRA spokestwit Dick Shuter demanded that the U.S. federal and state governments immediately stop funding psychiatric facilities across the country, and also stop supplying mental patients with free anti-psych...
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