In a recent press conference, Canadian Pry Minister Justin Truedough briefly summarized efforts made by his country's scientists to mitigate greenhouse gas emissions: "We tried producing corn alcohol, but our Newfies drank up all of it before it could be added to our gasoline. Undeterred, our scientists turned to another crop which is being grown in massive quantities in our country." "Given...
A self-driving car has reportedly struck a moon-walking pedestrian this morning in San Francisco. Speaking on behalf of Testa Motors, Noel Skum stated that the computers in current self-driving cars have difficulty determining the direction of tr...
Young "incel" men, bitter and disillusioned by the discovery that they "can't get laid in a whorehouse", will soon be able to get laid for half price at any whorehouse in the state of Nevada, beginning this August. "We're doing this as a public se...
The summit meeting between Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un is apparently back on, after Dear Leader Kim acceded to one of President Trump's key demands. "I am only too happy to accept President Trump's challenge," announced the Dear Leader in a press...
In a televised appearance Friday morning, NRA spokestwit Dick Shuter demanded that the U.S. federal and state governments immediately stop funding psychiatric facilities across the country, and also stop supplying mental patients with free anti-psych...
While world leaders gathered in a remote corner of that moose preserve known as "Canada" to discuss possible solutions to North Korea's nuclear threat, it appears that a North Korean Air Force general got an idea of his own. "We very sorry!" decla...
Having definitively proven the scientific accuracy of the first two chapters of Genesis, researchers Christian Fisch and Ina Diaz of Liberty University are well into a research program designed to validate the accuracy of chapter three. "Even the secular evolutionists know that snakes have vestigial hip bones", declared Dr. Fisch. "This proves that they were capable of walking on two or four l...
Homeowners from Las Vodkas, Nevada to Boozeman, Montana have been pleasantly surprised to discover their rain barrels brimming over with a libation not unlike VSOP Cognac after recent storms coming in from the west. "It should really come as no su...
On Friday, Spain's foreign minister Marinero Pescador issued a statement implicating that foreign agents from the Canadian province of Newfoundland have been meddling in the recent Catalonian referendum: "Lord thundering Jesus, mi amigos, first th...
Five days into their investigation, the FBI remains baffled as to what motivated shooter Stephen Paddock to gun down over five hundred tasteless, tone deaf country hicks at a Las Vegas concert. "We found an impressive selection of jazz and classic...
In a recent interview with Fright Fart News, NRA spokesmilf Sierra Peelin decried the violence that marked recent protests in Charlottesville Virginia. "That James Fields showed incredibly poor judgement", she lamented. "Why, for a fraction of th...
Ivanka Trump is making no apologies for a sex video that has recently gone viral on the internet. "Hey", she protested, "my hubby and I are entitled to a romantic getaway just like any other couple, and daddy happens to have a large number of hote...
Given the reluctance of bleeding heart tree hugging American artsy musicians to perform at the inauguration of their newly elected Dear Leader, Washington staffers have booked the Russian punk band "Pussy Riot" to headline at the event. Russian pr...
"The French Canadians are quite friendly," said choir director Brigham Smith in a press release, "and we were generally well received, but some of our interactions with the Quebecois were rather puzzling, to say the least." "For instance, can som...
Still reeling from a drop in ratings, attributed to their misplaced confidence in a Clinton victory in the US presidential election, America's three top-rated satire publications have initiated tentative merger talks in an effort to shore up their pr...
At a press conference on Thursday night, Hillary Clinton blew off accusations that her husband was just as bad a womanizer as Donald Trump: "Come on, people," she protested. "It's not like my Billy goes around looking for a blow job. Quite on t...
Reports have just surfaced of a gay affair between Donald Trump and Bill Clinton Apparently, The Donald grabs more than just pussies. "Yes", confirmed Trump, "my tie has tested positive for Bill's DNA. Really, though, I just wanted to get the st...
A group of eight geeky university frat house buddies was instantly killed by a single round from an M777 self-propelled howitzer when they ventured onto a firing range at Fort Sill, Oklahoma. "Training accidents are always tragic", read a statemen...
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