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A celebrity with a heart as big as his bank account (well, almost)

Funny story: A celebrity with a heart as big as his bank account (well, almost)

Actor Tom Banks, whose net worth is estimated at $350 million, give or take a million, played Santa Claus at an N-n-Out Boogers in Fontana, Californicate, treating his fans to a free lunch. “Order anything you want,” he told his devotees. “Money i...

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Prosecutors look the other way in Seagull case

Funny story: Prosecutors look the other way in Seagull case

La La Land—Prosecutors in La La Land (aka Los Angeles) announced that martial arts expert and occasional “actor” Steven Seagull will not be prosecuted for a 2002 sexual assault he (allegedly) committed against a former model. According to the mode...

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Bautista bugged by namesake

Funny story: Bautista bugged by namesake

It seems safe (at first) to assume that entomologist Boob Anders is not a Jose Bautista fan. The scientist, who works for the Canadian Museum Au Naturel, gave the former Toronto Blue Jays star a dubious honor, the “distinction” of naming a bug after...

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Wolfe: no longer WHCA's comedienne in sheep's clothing

Funny story: Wolfe: no longer WHCA's comedienne in sheep's clothing

D-list has-been “comedienne” Michelle Wolfe, who was born, some say, in Hershey Highway, Pennsylvania, in a back alley between a brothel and a homeless campsite, is incensed (or “pissed,” as she says) that the White House Correspondents Association (...

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Fans react to disparaging remarks about Stan Lee: "It's clobbering time!"

Funny story: Fans react to disparaging remarks about Stan Lee: "It's clobbering time!"

Has-been transgender "celebrity" Bill Mayor recently tried to change careers, trading in (some would say trading on) his dubious career as a “comedienne” by becoming a literary critic. After disparaging television comedy as “fit only for kids and...

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Alleged man allegedly arrested for alleged crime

Funny story: Alleged man allegedly arrested for alleged crime

Richard Puttup-Yur Dukes, allegedly an All-Tuna, Pennsylvania, man was allegedly arrested for alleged cruelty to animals after he allegedly punched a police officer in the face. The officer was allegedly responding to a call concerning Dukes's all...

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George Washington, as you've never seen him

Funny story: George Washington, as you've never seen him

“George Washington never looked so good,” both Melania Trump and Michael “Michelle” Obummer agreed, after seeing the first U.S. president "up close and personal." "I knew he was tall," Michael said, "but I had no idea he was that big. I think he m...

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Beach bums' baby hooked on New Zealand island

Funny story: Beach bums' baby hooked on New Zealand island

A New Zealand fisherman caught an 18-month-old baby boy while fishing off the coast of North Island. “I was expecting bass,” Gus “The Guzzler” H____ (name withheld to protect us from possible unpleasantness associated with reporting the news) sai...

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Ballsy Brit survives nude swim round Great Britain

Funny story: Ballsy Brit survives nude swim round Great Britain

Disoriented and confused, 33-year-old Ross Edgy was found off the coast of Scotland (or maybe it was Wales), having swum in circles for 12 days. I left Kent, or maybe it was Limerick, on—well, it was sometime this year, I think—bound for France—or...

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Bing uses "underhanded" ruse to gain user traffic

Funny story: Bing uses "underhanded" ruse to gain user traffic

Desperate for any responses from the public that could indicate interactive participation, Bing has initiated an underhanded “fake news” feature, calling it, in wee letters the size of which makes them nearly impossible to read, “This Day,” followed...

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Hillbilly Clinton: “If nominated I will not run, but I will win!”

Funny story: Hillbilly Clinton: “If nominated I will not run, but I will win!”

Two-time loser Hillary “Hillbilly” Clinton, 71, recently said, “the third time's the charm, and I expect to win the presidency in 2020.” Clinton lost the 2008 primary election to Baroque Insane Obummer. She lost again, in the 2016 general election...

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Netfix cancels Luke Cage; superhero not happy

Funny story: Netfix cancels Luke Cage; superhero not happy

Netfix has said no to a new season of Cap'n Marvell Studios' Luke Cage, a jive-action comic strip starring somebody named Mike Coltrane (no relation to John) as the crime-fighting superhero. Although Netfix executives were vague in saying why the...

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Joe Bidet drums up votes in Sin City

Funny story: Joe Bidet drums up votes in Sin City

Former Vice-President “Papa Joe” Bidet, mindful of the 2020 general election, visited Nevada to stake his future presidential bid on getting out the vote among illegal aliens, Antifa “protesters,” MS-13 gang members, and other “non-deplorables.” A...

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Chris Whine: "I was stiffed!"

Funny story: Chris Whine: "I was stiffed!"

Chris Whine was living up to his name, as he whined (again) that no one takes him seriously as an actor. “I should have won an Academy Award, or at least an Enema,” he complained, “for my latest role, as an asshole, in the made-for-TV movie, Double S...

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Pocahontas: "I AM so, too, Native American; my mixed DNA sample proves it, so there!"

Funny story: Pocahontas: "I AM so, too, Native American; my mixed DNA sample proves it, so there!"

Senator Eliza Beth “Pocahontas” Warpath swabbed one of her body cavities to obtain a DNA “smear,” which she submitted to a clandestine cloning service, the name of which she refused to identify. The results of the analysis of the DNA sample, she s...

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Morons continue to revitalize faith

Funny story: Morons continue to revitalize faith

Morons, who once preferred this nickname to the official Ladder Day Saints designation of their faith, no longer call their famous choir the Moron Tabernacle Choir. It's now simply The Choir, “because,” prophet Warren Jeffs explained from his prison...

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Vintage Auto Wanted For Arson In Fatal California Wildfire

Funny story: Vintage Auto Wanted For Arson In Fatal California Wildfire

A vintage red-and-white Plymouth Fury with Maine license plates is responsible, authorities say, for setting fire to the Sierra National Forest near Yosemite National Park. The vehicle, which has been traced to Arnold “Arnie” Cunningham, was damag...

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New news anchor's "talent" sure to boost ratings, producer says

Funny story: New news anchor's "talent" sure to boost ratings, producer says

In an attempt to compete with Foxy Nudes, CeeBeeEss' “Diss Mornin'” program has added Brianna Gold-Digger to its lineup. The buxom beauty, known as much for her ample cleavage and her radiant smile as she is for her “gravitas,” will join co-stars mos...

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