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O'Malleys Bank in Ireland Demands Euro Bailout to Avoid Meltdown

Patrick O'Malley, founder, President, Teller, Receptionist and Cleaner of O'Malley's Bank in McGillmara, Ireland, has demanded a financial bailout from the European Union. Without an immediate injection of cash the bank will collapse and take the...

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Forget Global Warming, Meteors. US Congress Biggest Threat to Planet

BRUSSELS, BELGIUM. A report published by the Brussels, Belgium-based International Union of Really Worried Scientists calculates the destructive power of the US Congress as equivalent to an eight-mile wide meteor hitting Earth. The report warns th...

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Protests Over New Olympic Sport: Synchronized Sweating

The decision by the International Olympic Committee to drop wrestling from the Games and replace it with synchronized sweating has triggered a wave of protests around the athletic world. "This is a slap in the face for all the serious sports that...

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God to Sue Pope Benedict for Breach of Contract

The Vatican has received Word from God that the Almighty is suing Pope Benedict XVI for breach of contract following the Pontiff's recent announcement that he will resign as head of the Catholic Church. Vatican lawyers received the news in an epip...

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NASA's Bold Plan to Avoid Asteroid Armageddon

The US space agency NASA plans to build a giant bat for deflecting asteroids that are on collision with Earth. The bat will be put into orbit 25,000 miles above the planet. Recent near misses and hits, most notably the fly-by of a 150-foot asteroi...

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Discovery of New Mayan Calendar Updates Doomsday Prophesy

Archeologists have discovered a new Mayan calendar - the Beach Babes Bikini Edition - that provides a new, and more reliable, date for the end of the world: June, 2014. Discovering the calendar also proves that the Mayan's much publicized prophes...

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Greek Orthodox Church Shock Frontrunner to Sign Pope Benedict

The Greek Orthodox Church has made a dramatic, multi-million dollar bid for the signature of Pope Benedict XVI. A number of leading religions are competing for the former pontiff's services after he handed in a transfer request to the Vatican. "Wi...

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Every Major US Airline to Merge. What it Means for You

American Airlines, Delta, Southwest , US Airways, and United/Continental, are planning a mega-merger. The new airline will provisionally be called Delta Southwest United US, and control 70% of the air passenger business in the US. Delta Southwest...

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Stunning Discovery: Dino Mass Extinction Never Happened

New evidence disproves the theory that dinosaurs were obliterated by a giant meteor strike. Researchers now believe that dinosaurs were on vacation - probably a cruise - and left the planet for another destination. The 110 mile-wide crater in...

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US Company Loses Top Secret 'Wonder Woman' Warplane

An XL Cloak warplane, dubbed the "Wonder Woman" jet because a revolutionary cloaking device makes it totally invisible, has been mislaid by the defense contractor Shootering Industries, Inc. A big reward is being offered to anyone who finds the aircr...

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Uproar from the Nation's Couches Over the Rising Cost of Chicken Wings

Jay Stillman has had enough. The veteran couch potato from Beeville, Texas, has changed his weekly order for seven buckets of chicken wings. "I'm cutting down to six buckets until they lower the price. Someone has to take a stand," he said. Acr...

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Want to be a Sexual Olympian? Try Bed Bull!

It's the ultimate beverage: an energy drink, sports drink, and Viagra-like sex boost in one can. Called Bed Bull, the product is scheduled to be launched this year. The drink is a potent cocktail of caffeine, electrolytes for athletic ability...

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Who is Parked Under Your Parking Lot?

The discovery of the 500-year-old skeleton of King Richard III beneath a parking lot in Leicester, England, has sparked a furious debate over what surprises may be hidden under these expanses of white-lined tarmac. If every car park in the world w...

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Man Calls Emergency Services From Inside of a Giant Python

Police in the US are trying to rescue a man who mistakenly drove into a giant Burmese python in the Florida Everglades. The huge reptile was napping with its tunnel-sized mouth open when the man, a hunter from Gamesville, Georgia, inadvertently dr...

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Doping Scandal Rocks World Knitting. Calls for Ban on Earl Grey

Knitters around the globe are stunned by a confession from Ethel Bainbridge, winner of the North England Balaclava Knitathon three years running, that she imbibes Earl Grey tea and applies WD40 lubricant to her needles before competing. Both performa...

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NASA Bombshell: There is Intelligent Life on Mars

We are not alone. NASA's Mars rover vehicle has found irrefutable proof that intelligent life exists on the Red Planet. The agency is preparing to announce the historic discovery. Details will be released in a few days, but we have obtained an ad...

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