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Spoof stories written by Paxton Quigley

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Funny story: Are You a God-fearing Simpleton or a Free-thinking Atheist Bound for Hell? Test Your Devotion to the Almighty

Are You a God-fearing Simpleton or a Free-thinking Atheist Bound for Hell? Test Your Devotion to the Almighty

As a social experiment, The Spoof is offering its readers a one-off opportunity, in its on-line quiz, to see if you're bound for heaven or destined for eternal damnation. The Pope is due in town, and the local populace is getting excited. a) Do y...

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Funny story: When Pussy Surpassed Fanny as the Nation’s Favourite

When Pussy Surpassed Fanny as the Nation’s Favourite

Throughout the early 1960s, in darkened rooms, an astonished nation would peer at its flickering black and white “television sets” on a regular basis at peak viewing times, aghast at what it was seeing. Before the populace’s very eyes, both young and...

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Funny story: Man Discovers Time Travel and Finds It Isn't What He Expected

Man Discovers Time Travel and Finds It Isn't What He Expected

A man has unexpectedly and unwittingly discovered how to travel through time. Joachim Arschloch, who lives with his ageing mother in the small Austrian town of Schweinwank on the River Danube, has recounted how he made his discovery to The Spoof's...

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Funny story: Emergency COBRA Meeting at Downing Street as US Ambassador Says Johnson-Trump Relationship Will Be 'Sensational'

Emergency COBRA Meeting at Downing Street as US Ambassador Says Johnson-Trump Relationship Will Be 'Sensational'

Panicked Downing Street sycophants and lickspittles were said to be running around in circles this morning, as America's ambassador to the UK said relations between the UK and the US are going to be "sensational" now that Boris Johnson is nominally i...

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Funny story: New PM Boris Johnson Succeeds in Bringing Unity to the Country

New PM Boris Johnson Succeeds in Bringing Unity to the Country

Charlatan. Liar. Narcissist. Unfit. Shambolic. Ramshackle. Incompetent. Arsehole. These are a few of the kinder epithets which have been thrown at Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson over the years, yet, somehow, today he finds himself ensconced b...

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Funny story: New Prime Minister Boris Johnson Pledges to Nationalise Wetherspoons

New Prime Minister Boris Johnson Pledges to Nationalise Wetherspoons

Bombast, bullshit and bollocks were the order of the day in Parliament today, as so-called Prime Minister Boris Johnson outlined his plans for the future of the not-so-United Kingdom. After a dressing-down from Her Majesty the Queen on Wednesday a...

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Funny story: Deliveroo Expands Operations to Cater for Lunar Explorers

Deliveroo Expands Operations to Cater for Lunar Explorers

Deliveroo is the fast-food delivery service that you either love or hate. You love Deliveroo if you're a lazy bastard who can't be arsed to get out of bed in the morning to cook breakfast, or pour milk on your corn flakes. You love Deliveroo if y...

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Funny story: Eva Braun's Secret Diary Reveals Truth Behind British Army's Song About Hitler

Eva Braun's Secret Diary Reveals Truth Behind British Army's Song About Hitler

In a joint investigation with convicted holocaust denier and Nazi "historian" David Irving, The Spoof has managed to discover the whereabouts of the hitherto unpublished diary of Adolf Hitler's floozy, simple country girl Eva Braun. The full dia...

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Funny story: Nadiya Hussain: "I F*cking Hate Baking and Paul Hollywood's Squirty Cream"

Nadiya Hussain: "I F*cking Hate Baking and Paul Hollywood's Squirty Cream"

Nadiya Hussain is everybody's favourite Muslim cook, unless you are Donald Trump, in which case it's London's mayor, Sadiq Khan, whose curry Karahi always gets the Donald salivating. But Nadiya isn't a happy bunny, as she told Food Editor for The...

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Funny story: Declassified Documents Reveal Hitler's Lack of Facial Hair and Charlie Chaplin Fixation

Declassified Documents Reveal Hitler's Lack of Facial Hair and Charlie Chaplin Fixation

Hitherto secret medical records of the late and much missed Adolf Hitler, aka der Führer, reveal that he was British comedian Charlie Chaplin's greatest fan, and had tried for many years to replicate the film star's moustache, but without success.

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Funny story: Boris Johnson's Prime Ministerial Acceptance Speech Leaked to The Spoof

Boris Johnson's Prime Ministerial Acceptance Speech Leaked to The Spoof

The Spoof has been given sight of the speech which prime minister-elect Boris Johnson is expected to make on the steps of 10 Downing Street after he has met the Queen on Tuesday. Harking back to the message which his heroine Margaret Thatcher gave to...

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Funny story: The Open 2019: Golf Returns to Northern Ireland Under Strict Security

The Open 2019: Golf Returns to Northern Ireland Under Strict Security

The Open was last played at Royal Portrush in 1951 and hasn't returned for 68 years, due to a little disagreement which so-called Loyalist and Republican locals quaintly call "The Troubles", but which were, in fact, a rampant killing spree between tw...

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Funny story: Are You a Royalist Lickspittle or a Republican Scumbag? Test Your Devotion to the Windsors

Are You a Royalist Lickspittle or a Republican Scumbag? Test Your Devotion to the Windsors

As a social experiment The Spoof is offering its readers a one-off opportunity in its on-line quiz to see if you're a true royalist or a traitorous republican. 1. The Princess Royal is well-known for being a miserable cow. Is this: a) An unfair...

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Funny story: Mark Cavendish Missing Tour de France Due to Lycra Allergy

Mark Cavendish Missing Tour de France Due to Lycra Allergy

Mark Cavendish is one of the greatest British cyclists of all time, with more than 140 professional wins to his name: 48 stage wins across all three Grand Tours with a points classification jersey at each, as well as a world and a national road race...

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Funny story: Sir Kim Darroch: “I told BoZo to Fuck Off”

Sir Kim Darroch: “I told BoZo to Fuck Off”

“Yes, I must admit I did it that” confessed Sir Kim Darroch, former HMG ambassador to the United States court of King Trump in an exclusive interview with political editor for The Spoof, Paxton Quigley. “So you actually told future prime minister...

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Funny story: Football Gossip: Palace, Jay-Z, Scottish "Insult", Rafa Warning, Lamps Back at Chelsea

Football Gossip: Palace, Jay-Z, Scottish "Insult", Rafa Warning, Lamps Back at Chelsea

Arsenal are prepared to add defenders Calum Chambers, Carl Jenkinson or midfielder Mohamed Elneny into any potential deal for Crystal Palace's Wilfried Zaha. The Gunners have already had a £40m offer for the 26-year-old Ivory Coast winger rejected.

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Funny story: Bozo Johnson Concedes in Tory Leadership Race Citing "Back Problem"

Bozo Johnson Concedes in Tory Leadership Race Citing "Back Problem"

The favourite to become Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, has removed himself from the Conservative party leadership contest after coming under mounting pressure following Sir Kim Darroch's resignation as British ambassador to Washington. Critics of Mr...

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