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Disney Announces "Elon Musk's SpaceX Presents Marvel's Star Wars: The Frozen Force Avengers" Mashup Movie

Disney is raking in tons of dough from its Frozen, Marvel, and Star Wars franchises. So much so that it's contracting with Elon Musk's SpaceX to store some of that money on Mars ("Get your assets to Mars!"). Of course, while stockholders are happy...

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Iran Agrees to Limits on Its Nucular Program

Lausanne, Switzerland - The United States, Britain, Germany, France, Russia, and China reached an agreement with Iran on limits to Iran's nucular program in return for lifting the strict economic sanctions that have crippled Iran's economy. Immedi...

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President Obama Announces Two-pronged Approach to Ameliorate America's Poor Health Habits:

President Obama announced today a two-pronged approach to ameliorating America's poor health habits. At a rousing high-school rally in Duncetown, North Dakota, Obama declared: "I am raising the cigarette tax from 39 cents a pack to $1039 per pack.

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Recently Dumped College Football BCS System to be Adopted for US Presidential Elections

Today the Bowl Championship System (better known as the BCS) announced that the "status quo" was no longer an option, meaning that the much-criticized system for crowning college football's annual champion was being dumped for something (hopefully) b...

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Infamous Octomom Earns Ph.D, Signs with Warner Bros. as Nemesis Doc Octomom for Next SpiderMan Release

Nadya Suleman, better known as "Octomom," today earned her Ph.D. in Media Relations from the University of Woodchips. Upon the conveyance of her degree, Dr. Octomom received a call from movie studio Warner Bros., offering her a $10 million signing...

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Kobe Bryant, Steaming, Tells Team During Meeting, "Either Win, or Don't"

Kobe Bryant of the NBA's Los Angeles Lakers has never been one to bite his tongue. After his team's recent up and down performances, a disgusted Bryant called for a players-only meeting. In that meeting, Bryant declared, "Look, either you win, or...

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Australia Lays Claim to North Pole

Canberra, Australia - Add Australia to the growing list of countries that are claiming the Arctic sea bed as a part of their national territory. Most of the countries that previously claimed that the Arctic was theirs, however, are in proximity to...

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Obama, in Effort to Cut Defense Costs While Appeasing Republicans, Ditches Missile Defense for NY Giants Defense

Washington, DC - President Obama, facing pressure from within his party to cut defense spending while feeling the heat from the GOP to keep America's armed forces strong, launched a major initiative today. The new strategy involves ditching the cost...

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GOP Candidates Adopt New Method to Attract Votes - Win Over Kids, Get Parents' Support

The race for the 2012 GOP presidential nomination continues to heat up. Putative front-runner Mitt Romney credits his recent success to his campaign's effort to appeal to the hearts and minds of American adults through their children. To do so,...

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10 Musts for a Professional Email

In today's cutthroat global economy, workers must do everything they can to differentiate themselves. One way to do so is by using a distinctive and highly professional email style. Here are ten musts that will ensure that your email cries out, "I am a professional!" 1. Background. White? That's yesterday's black. No, today's world cries out for more than monochrome. Red, lime, yellow, pi...

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Punxsutawney Phil's Proven Power to Portend Powers Profits for a Plethora of Companies

Punxsutawney Phil - If he sees his shadow, 60 days more of winter. If no shadow, say good-bye to winter soon! In the United States, February 2 is GROUNDHOG DAY. For those not familiar with it, Groundhog Day involves the long-standing tradition o...

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