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Funny story: Local woman slams partner's 'pathetic' performance after semaphore sex romp

Local woman slams partner's 'pathetic' performance after semaphore sex romp

A 23-year-old Whitechapel woman has berated her boyfriend's sexual performance, branding it, 'pathetic', after the pair had indulged in a steamy romp using semaphore flags. Tracy Dell, a hairdresser from Dock Lane, told The East London Gazette: "W...

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Funny story: Mrs Bridges from Upstairs Downstairs schooled me in love says Vigo Mortensen

Mrs Bridges from Upstairs Downstairs schooled me in love says Vigo Mortensen

Danish/American heartthrob actor, Vigo Mortensen, has told a showbiz mag that Mrs Bridges, the formidable cook out of the popular 70s period drama, Upstairs Downstairs, engaged in a steamy romp with the young actor during a brief stay in London in 19...

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Funny story: Public should alternate face mask-wearing at five-minute intervals says Health Minister

Public should alternate face mask-wearing at five-minute intervals says Health Minister

In a bid to end the widespread confusion over the efficacy of wearing face masks to alleviate the spread of Covid-19, the Secretary of State for Health, Matt Hancock, has suggested that they are worn and then removed by the public at five-minute inte...

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Funny story: Family of five eaten after local lion-tamer works from home

Family of five eaten after local lion-tamer works from home

Tragedy struck in a quiet East London street yesterday, when a circus lion that was being kept in a garden shed by its keeper killed and ate the man's wife and four children. Lion-tamer, Toby Dell, 42, from Vallance Road, Whitechapel, told a local...

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Funny story: Local man converts bath to shower with wife still in it

Local man converts bath to shower with wife still in it

A local DIY enthusiast has told The East London Gazette that he converted the bath in his upstairs bathroom into a spacious, walk-in shower - while his wife remained in the tub. Toby Dell, a forklift truck engineer from Dock Street, revealed: "The...

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Funny story: Local man practising relaxation technique attacked by giant squid

Local man practising relaxation technique attacked by giant squid

A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has told a local newspaper that he was attacked and badly injured by a giant squid as he was trying to ease his stress about the coronavirus outbreak by immersing himself in a relaxing fantasy about swimming with dolphin...

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Funny story: Homoeopaths told you've had your fun but now it's time to start saving lives

Homoeopaths told you've had your fun but now it's time to start saving lives

The scientific community has appealed to all practitioners of homoeopathy to stop sitting on their hands, and to come to the aid of the fight against the deadly covid-19 virus. A spokesman for the World Science Council told newsmen, last night: "T...

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Funny story: Fury as NHS spends £20,000 on mask for Olly Murs's big face

Fury as NHS spends £20,000 on mask for Olly Murs's big face

There has been widespread criticism of the government's decision to allow the National Health Service to spend £20,000 on a protective mask for big-faced pop icon, Olly Murs. The mask, which will be over 100 metres wide, to accommodate the star's...

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Funny story: Corona 'Silver Lining': Remains of gangland victims become visible in Limehouse Basin for first time in 70 years

Corona 'Silver Lining': Remains of gangland victims become visible in Limehouse Basin for first time in 70 years

In what is being hailed as a surprising silver lining in the current health crisis, environmentalists have reported that the butchered remains of 1950s and 60s gangland victims are now clearly visible at the bottom of the previously murky, Limehouse...

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Funny story: Jailed sex offenders to rattle tin mugs in celebration of Prince Andrew's birthday.

Jailed sex offenders to rattle tin mugs in celebration of Prince Andrew's birthday.

Over 50 inmates on the sex offender wing at HMP Wormwood Scrubs in London, are set to mark the 60th birthday of Prince Andrew at lunchtime today, by rattling their enamelled tin mugs before singing, For He's a Jolly Good Fellow. One inmate, servin...

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Funny story: Prince Andrew to be busted down to Cabin Boy on 60th birthday

Prince Andrew to be busted down to Cabin Boy on 60th birthday

In a break from royal tradition, the Royal Navy are going to demote Prince Andrew to ship’s cabin boy on his 60th birthday, following allegations that the prince had unlawful sex with an underage girl at the home of the late convicted paedophile, Jef...

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Funny story: Man-Coronavirus far more debilitating says WHO

Man-Coronavirus far more debilitating says WHO

The World Health Organisation stated last night, that, according to research, men suffering from the virulent, coronavirus disease will experience debilitating symptoms far in excess of those suffered by women A WHO spokesman told a news conferenc...

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Funny story: Brexit woman ‘gutted’ as commemorative tea towel disintegrates during first wash

Brexit woman ‘gutted’ as commemorative tea towel disintegrates during first wash

A 54-year-old woman from the north of England has expressed her dismay after the commemorative Brexit tea towel she had bought just days earlier, fell to bits in the washing machine during its maiden wash. Amanda Dann, a housewife and mother of tw...

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Funny story: Local man discovers Messala out of Ben Hur in Whitechapel pub

Local man discovers Messala out of Ben Hur in Whitechapel pub

A 37-year-old forklift truck engineer from Dock Street, in Whitechapel, has told reporters that he spotted the ruthless Roman Tribune, Messala, from the epic movie, Ben Hur, drinking in The Lord Rodney's Head public house on Monday evening. Toby D...

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Funny story: Prince Andrew Bombshell: I was in a Whitechapel pie and mash shop when FBI tried to contact me

Prince Andrew Bombshell: I was in a Whitechapel pie and mash shop when FBI tried to contact me

Beleaguered royal, Prince Andrew, has claimed that he was in a pie and mash shop in East London when the FBI were trying to gain his assistance with their investigation into his close friend, the late Jeffrey Epstein and his links to sex trafficking.

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Funny story: Local drunk 'encapsulates the spirit of Princess Margaret' says Honey Boo Boo

Local drunk 'encapsulates the spirit of Princess Margaret' says Honey Boo Boo

A habitual Whitechapel drunkard has been lauded by reality TV star, Honey Boo Boo, who yesterday praised the man for mirroring the chaotic, drink-fuelled life of royal bad girl, Princess Margaret. Miss Boo Boo, who was a guest at a Whitechapel tow...

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Funny story: Local man orbits Venus in converted shed

Local man orbits Venus in converted shed

A 54-year-old Whitechapel man has reportedly orbited the planet Venus in a garden shed that he had converted into a rudimentary rocketship over the course of less than a dozen weekends. Toby Dell, a gravity caster at Whitechapel Bell Foundry, blas...

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