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England supporters apply for Welsh passports to stay in Europe

Following Wales' incredible 3-1 victory over Belgium in the Euros, the Welsh Assembly has apparently received thousands of new passport applications from England supporters who desperately want to remain in Europe. One such fan, Brian Jones, told...

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Britain Facing Pigeon Obesity Timebomb

Animal welfare groups warned yesterday that the streets of Britain may soon be virtually impassable as they become clogged with morbidly overweight pigeons. According to bird and wildlife protectionist Percy Nobbleton, the flying rats' diet has ev...

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Palace Inquest As Waxwork Dummies Perform Royal Visit

Buckingham Palace has reluctantly admitted that a Royal Visit didn't feature Prince William or Kate Middleton, but in actual fact their waxwork replicas. Suspicions were aroused when officials noticed the pair were unusually quiet and unco-operati...

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X Factor Winner To Receive Obscurity Counselling

ITV executives have confirmed that this year's X Factor winner will be given obscurity counselling to help them deal with the intense pressures of anonymity. Producers of the show have taken this unusual step after a survey revealed that 80% of th...

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UK's First 'Cash For Children' Outlet To Open In Leeds

The true extent of the financial crisis was highlighted yesterday by the announcement that Leeds will become home to the UK's first 'Cash4Child' outlet. Based loosely on the ubiquitous gold merchants where hard-up punters sell inherited jewellery...

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Government Announces Training Scheme For Jeremy Kyle Guests

As part of an initiative to make education more relevant to modern day Britain, the government is to offer vocational training for potential Jeremy Kyle guests. Education minister, Robert Smith-Smythe, told reporters who attended the launch exactl...

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Financial Crisis Could Spell Return Of The White Dog Turd

Funny story: Financial Crisis Could Spell Return Of The White Dog Turd

Experts warned yesterday that the economic crisis could see the return of a menace not seen on our streets for decades: the white dog turd. The publicly-funded 'Study Into Potential Indicators Of Financial Disaster' found that during the 70's and...

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Tories To Instil 'Blitz Spirit' By Bombing London

Funny story: Tories To Instil 'Blitz Spirit' By Bombing London

Following David Cameron's passionate pleas at the Tory Conference, party leaders have come up with a way to instil 'can-do optimism' and 'bulldog spirit' into the British people: by re-enacting the Blitz. In order to achieve the Government's targe...

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MI6 Thought Extraordinary Rendition Was X Factor Boot Camp

A leaked report claims that MI6's role in the illicit transport of terror suspects was actually a misguided attempt to help people achieve their dreams of becoming the next Olly Murs. Far from being complicit in the torture of those deemed a threa...

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Dale Farm Travellers To Build On ISS

Funny story: Dale Farm Travellers To Build On ISS

With the Dale Farm evictions in full swing, it emerged yesterday that many of the travellers have already set their sights on a new home: The International Space Station. Recently, a Russian Soyuz rocket exploded just minutes after lift-off, destr...

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New York Punished By God, Says Reverend

Funny story: New York Punished By God, Says Reverend

Within the timespan of just one week, New York City was hit by not just an earthquake but also a hurricane. Coincidence? Well, no, not according to the Reverend Orville Dick. This often extreme, always controversial, ex-Florida resident wholehe...

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Non-Celebrities Set To Disappear Within A Decade

Funny story: Non-Celebrities Set To Disappear Within A Decade

According to a report released today, the world's supply of non-celebrities will be exhausted within the next ten years unless drastic action is taken now. The report, written by the Media Studies department of a respected London college, claims that...

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Daily Mail Columnists To Climb World's Highest Horse

Funny story: Daily Mail Columnists To Climb World's Highest Horse

In the wake of the riots that swept through Britain's cities, Daily Mail columnists, Richard Littlejohn and Jan Moir, are to attempt to break the record for high horse ascending. "As I watched the violence unfold on my paid-for television," Moir,...

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The nice thing about being over 60 is that you can walk your dog essentially in your pajamas and nobody bats an eye.
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