HARFOLD, Vt. - We've all been "hangry," that grumpy disposition when we get home late and haven't had a meal. God forbid you've missed an entire meal. But the female cafeteria staff at Harfold State College in Harfold, Vermont, have determined tha...
WASHINGTON, D.C. - Once again turning to retired generals to fill cabinet positions and other posts, President-elect Donald Trump is believed to be close to naming retired General Genghis Khan as his Secretary of Defense. Mr. Trump is said to resp...
New York - Donald J. Trump released on Wednesday the results from his most recent physical examination, revealing that he is overweight, takes a statin for cholesterol, and is an asshole. Although Mr. Trump's weight has been a source of debate, wi...
Denver, Co. - In an effort to deflect the negative press he's been getting the past few weeks, Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump stated this week that his mother, Mary Anne Trump, who passed away in 2000 at the age of 88, was such a good...
Washington, D.C. - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump vows to protect all 12 Articles of the Constitution, should he be elected president. Although this news was welcome music to many Americans, most of those Americans appear to be une...
HARFOLD, Vt. - As the world mourns the death of singer Prince, who died this week due to complications following an overdose, Harfold State College has released a startling finding. Although most of the Western world has been rendered incapacitate...
NEW YORK, Ny - The line of students claiming that the education they received from Trump University was as worthless as the bogus brochures that first enticed them is about as long as a Trump Tower turned on its side. In two sworn depositions take...
Washington, D.C. - Holding Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump to his word, a list of white nationalist organizations was submitted Tuesday to Mr. Trump. During an interview with CNN on Sunday, Mr. Trump, who was unclear what an endorsemen...
Harfold, Vt. - Third-graders across the United States are enraged by a study using the Flesch-Kincaid grade-level test which showed that Republican presidential hopeful, Donald Trump, speaks like an eight- to nine-year-old boy. Artie Boulder, a th...
Harfold, Vt. - Harfold resident Samuel Cater, 86, pondered today the changes he's witnessed throughout the years, and he regrets seeing so much slip out of fashion. "I remember," reminisced Cater setting his Playboy aside, "when you could call som...
LOS ANGELES, Ca. - Kanye West came just short of storming the Grammy stage when Beck was announced as the recipient of Album of the Year. Although West did not go so far as to take over the microphone as he did six years ago at the VMAs when Taylor S...
Ferguson, Mo. - Businesses were ablaze and bullets flew overhead throughout the night in Ferguson as officials chose the late evening as the best time to announce that a white police officer would not be indicted in the shooting of an unarmed black t...
HARFOLD, Vt - A new study at Harfold State College suggests that exposure to hydrogen sulfide gas, that is, what your body produces as bacteria breaks down food, could prevent mitochondria damage. This is good news for the Miss Harfold Diner which...
RIO DE JANEIRO, Brazil - German chancellor Angela Merkel made no apologies Monday for putting herself into the middle of the World Cup fray by jumping into any and all selfies snapped by Germany's newly-crowned champions. Within an hour after the...
HARFOLD, Vt. - A study released this week by Harfold State College indicates that at least two out of every three happy Facebook status updates are posted by pathetic sons-of-bitches with miserable lives. Junior Bertrand Russell produced his Faceb...
HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College published a study today that shows that elderly men and women have very different regrets weighing on their minds as their dying day draws near. Of the women, 38% regret the fact that they didn't say "I love yo...
WASHINGTON D.C. - As Vladimir Putin defies Washington's wishes, millions of Americans are left asking questions that would never be asked in other first-world countries. Spare yourself some embarrassment and commit this info to memory. Also, change the subject if someone brings all this up in conversation. 1) Is it "The Ukraine" or "Ukraine"? Short answer: Who the hell cares? Long answer: I...
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