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Spoof stories written by Gordon Clarke

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ANL and BNP to Merge

In a move that will surprise many, the Anti Nazi League and the British National Party are to join forces. A statement issued today announced the amalgamation with immediate effect. The new party will be known as BAMPL, the British Anti Mainstream...

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Meet The Drag Kings

In the past we all loved the drag queens. People like Danny La Rue and Barry Humphries made us laugh, when they dressed as women. Nowadays it seems the trend is reversing. Lily Savage was a successful comedienne, until she put on a suit, collar an...

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Post Office Prize For Pooping Pooches

Funny story: Post Office Prize For Pooping Pooches

The government are to reward responsible dog owners who pick up their dog's excrement. Under a new scheme, due to start in October next year, the dog owners will be paid £1 for every dog turd they present at their local Post Office. To ensure thei...

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Smoking Ban To Extend To Drinkers

The smoking ban in UK pubs has been such a success that the government now intend to extend it to include drinkers. The Department Of Health say that since the ban was introduced in 2006 and 2007, thousands of lives have been saved. "What the B...

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Labour Promise Mobility Scooters For All

If they win the next election, the Labour Party promise to help people who are too lazy to walk, by providing them with free mobility scooters. At first, due to financial problems, this benefit will apply only to the unemployed. Later, when the na...

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Lose Weight Red Indian Style

The world's fattest man, native American, He Who Must Be Fed, has revealed he wants to lose weight. "I'm sick of being called a fat bastard," said Mr Fed 45 stone, a member of the fat belly tribe in Wyoming, USA. When I travelled to his reservation to speak with him, he told me, "I have struggled with my weight since childhood. It's all the fault of the white man. If he hadn't killed all of...

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Alliance To Target Over Sixty Fives

Funny story: Alliance To Target Over Sixty Fives

The government has announced plans to reduce the number of pensioners nationwide. This is the latest in a long line of initiatives to reduce the national debt. Pensioners, they say, are a drain on national resources. Not only do they drain billion...

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The Truth About Blair And Wor Jackie

Tony Blair has been accused of being a liar so many times that it does not bother him any more. There are however doubts about one particular story which have irked the former PM for years. So much so, that phoney Tony was this week forced to issue t...

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Olympic Torch Embarrasses Cameron

Funny story: Olympic Torch Embarrasses Cameron

David Cameron was left red faced, at prime minister's question time, by Sunderland Central MP Julie Elliott. Ms Elliott asked why the olympic torch was not coming to Sunderland.To hoots of derision from the opposition, an embarrassed Mr Cameron ad...

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Robson Green's Extreme Extreme Fishing

In the next series of Extreme Fishing, jovial geordie actor Robson Green, will be returning to his native north east to fish in the River Wear. I intend to catch the Lambton Worm. The original worm was caught by John Lambton back in the 12th century but I believe it's descendants still live in the Wear. Even though it hasn't been seen for years, thanks to John Lambton's description, I know...

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Sunderland's Wearmouth Colliery To Reopen

Funny story: Sunderland's Wearmouth Colliery To Reopen

The British Coal Corporation has announced that they are to reopen Wearmouth Colliery. In recent years there has been an upturn in the demand for coal. In the wake of an upcoming crisis, experts are advising that the UK needs to become more self-...

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BGT Judges Accused Of Being Narrow Minded

The latest series of BGT may have ended but not everyone is happy with the result.Sidney Bottomley of Scarborough, North Yorkshire claims he would have won if he had entered but was prevented from doing so by the judges' narrow mindedness. "I went...

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Labour To Abolish Allotments

Controversial plans to abolish allotment gardens, have just been announced in the Labour party manifesto for the next election. "We shall close down all allotments and use the land to build luxury accommodation for asylum seekers." said Labour le...

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Corrie's Dev To Become Curry's Gerupta

Coronation Street's Dev Alahan,played by Jimmi Harkishin,is to be written out of the popular soap for the next six months. "This is no holiday,"says Jimmi."People may think I'll be putting my feet up but I'm going to be a very busy boy." First...

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Recession! What Recession?

Funny story: Recession! What Recession?

The western world may be in the grip of a recession but not according to the results of a recent survey carried out in Shell Suit City, the benefit capital of the UK. The survey of local businesses found that sales of alcohol,tobacco and scratch c...

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Jordan Applies For US Visa

Jordan has finally decided she has had enough of living in the spotlight and wants to quit the UK. "I am sick and tired of being followed and pointed at everywhere I go. So I have decided to live in a country where I will have more privacy." An...

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Scouse Funny Man Admits To Being A Bee Gee

Funny story: Scouse Funny Man Admits To Being A Bee Gee

Liverpool comedian John Bishop has finally admitted to the worst kept secret in show biz. He used to be a Bee Gee. In fact he is Barry Gibb. "I spent thousands on face lifts and plastic surgery but my true identity was exposed by my dental record...

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Northern Ireland Government to import dried water

The government of Northern Ireland is to overcome the water shortages by importing sachets of dried water from Russia. The dried water was developed by the Russians in 1986,to overcome a lack of drinking water in an area the size of Wales,followin...

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