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Spoof stories written by Michael Balton

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Funny story: When the FBI Comes Knocking, It's Time to Get Your Party Rocking

When the FBI Comes Knocking, It's Time to Get Your Party Rocking

Inside the Government.… A surprise FBI raid on the home of a former Trump advisor has the Beltway in a panic. The insiders are wondering…What if I'm next? In fact there's no need to worry. As long as you follow the suggestions offered here, you ca...

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Funny story: Congress Is Preparing to Reject and Replace the Republic

Congress Is Preparing to Reject and Replace the Republic

Congress had so much fun replacing, and reinforcing, then retaining the nation's healthcare system that law makers are considering doing the same for the entire country. The program will be called Wreck, Revise, Resurrect and Rollin' Down the River.

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Funny story: World Gravity Shortage Drives Demand for Spacesuits

World Gravity Shortage Drives Demand for Spacesuits

New York … The Earth is running out of gravity, according to an ongoing study by the US Environmental Protection Agency. The researchers found that a lack of the attractive force was directly responsible for the over 60,000 disappearances last year,...

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Funny story: No Kidding: FBI Cracks Down on Fake News… Seriously

No Kidding: FBI Cracks Down on Fake News… Seriously

Washington, DC … America is drowning in an ocean of fake news. Misinformation, in the form of inaccurate tweets, posts, and quotes are confusing public debate and running the American political system off the rails. Fortunately, Government hacker...

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Funny story: Trump Declares War on Robots… "You say robot. I say reboot."

Trump Declares War on Robots… "You say robot. I say reboot."

Washington, DC… The science of robotics is about to plow headfirst into the art of the deal. President Donald Trump has banned the use and ownership of robots in America, calling them "over efficient job bandits." In an Executive Order titled "Dea...

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Funny story: Trump by Number… The Donald Invites the Nation to Color Him In

Trump by Number… The Donald Invites the Nation to Color Him In

Washington, DC…America's newly inaugurated leader has not forgotten his minions. President Donald Trump is giving a paint by number portrait of himself to every American household, to commemorate the activation of his administration. "This gift is...

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Funny story: Fake the Nation: A User's Guide

Fake the Nation: A User's Guide

Brooklyn, New York - - Back in olden times, when schools were schools and teachers were respected, no one needed to explain the difference between so-called fake news and insightful satire. But these days, citizens are too busy tweaking their Facebook mugshots to make time for critical thinking. In fact, most can't distinguish the difference between con games and cosmetics. This mini guide...

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Funny story: McDonald's opens in St. Peter's Square: Want Friars with That?

McDonald's opens in St. Peter's Square: Want Friars with That?

Vatican City - - Don't give me that old time religion. Fast food leader McDonald's is incorporating nutrition with salvation, locating its next new restaurant in the spiritual heart of the Catholic Church. The St. Peter's Square site was home la...

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Funny story: Trump trading the Electoral College to Vladimir Putin

Trump trading the Electoral College to Vladimir Putin

Trump Tower, New York -- In a move filled with more irony than even Anthony Weiner can contemplate, presidential elect Donald Trump plans to sell America's Electoral College to the Russians as soon as he takes office next month. "The Electoral Col...

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Funny story: Saving the Mayor's Chestnuts

Saving the Mayor's Chestnuts

(To be sung to the tune of The Christmas Song) Indictments waiting in an open file. Horse huggers basking in their grief. Federal probes snooping here, snooping there, Mean that de Blasio will get no relief. You see the mayor has tons of influence to spread. Plus he has to keep the homeless housed and fed. But unlike Bloomberg, who knew how to fly, this mayor seems to be afraid of the...

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Funny story: Republicans Dump Trump for a Salami Sandwich

Republicans Dump Trump for a Salami Sandwich

Washington DC - - The Republican Party is no longer saddled with history's least popular presidential candidate. The right-leaning politicians have replaced their presidential nominee Donald Trump with a salami sandwich. Mantz Fembol, temporary ch...

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Funny story: Forget the Debates. Let's Find Out Who's the Best Liar

Forget the Debates. Let's Find Out Who's the Best Liar

New York City - - Presidential candidates Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump have agreed to cancel their upcoming debate schedule. Instead they will square off in a competition designed to determine who among them is the best liar. "Being able to t...

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Funny story: The tooth and nothing but the tooth: Donald Trump defends dental floss

The tooth and nothing but the tooth: Donald Trump defends dental floss

New York - Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump has come down hard on the recent government report that calls dental floss "a waste of time." "This is bad news, folks," Trump said. "First they rigged the dentist chair so they could play...

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Funny story: New York Mets are retiring Terry Collins' shoe size

New York Mets are retiring Terry Collins' shoe size

Flushing, New York - Having no players skilled enough to deserve that their numbers be retired, the New York Mets have developed a new honor. The team is retiring its manager's shoe size. "I'm thrilled to be the first major league manager to have...

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Funny story: Pokémon mania prompts the emperor to resign

Pokémon mania prompts the emperor to resign

The Royal Palace, Tokyo - - Japanese Emperor Akihito has abdicated his throne to become a professional Pokémon GO player. The Japanese government admits it was taken by surprise by the resignation. It announced that a robot built by Honda would we...

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Funny story: Dear Democrats

Dear Democrats

Guess what I found in my bowl of cereal this morning? It's a Super Duper Delegate Ticket to your Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia. Unfortunately a medical condition prevents me from attending. I'm allergic to political hypocrisy. My question is: Can I sell the ticket or trade it for something I can use? My understanding is that a super duper delegate is granted special po...

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Funny story: New York Mets next giveaway: a genuine NYPD body bag

New York Mets next giveaway: a genuine NYPD body bag

Flushing, New York - - Friday is Body Bag Night at Citi Field. Each of the first 15,000 fans who show up for the game will receive a Human Remains Containment Device, which was actually used by the New York City Police Department to transport and sto...

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