Spoof stories written by Dan DiLucchio

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Cleverly Disguised Sleeper Cell Revealed

UPI, Salt Lake City, Utah. The U. S. Department of Homeland Security has announced the infiltration and break up of a strategic, and violent, al Queda sleeper cell in the western United States. The cell, located in Salt Lake City, Utah has be...

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IOC Introduces NASCAR to the Olympics

Aug. 2004, Dover Downs, DE, The International Olympic Committee (IOC) today announced that NASCAR Racing would be added to the summer Olympics in 2008. The Committee members left the Hotel Athens after a marathon session where the issue of N...

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U.S. Olympic Hoopsters Loose to Nepal

ESPN, Greece, August 2004. An Olympic pick-up team from Nepal humiliated the U.S. Olympic basketball team yesterday, giving the Americans their second straight exhibition loss in a week. In a lopsided 129 to 15 score, the U.S. team revealed...

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Smart To Oversee All U.S. Intelligence Agencies.

Funny story: Smart To Oversee All U.S. Intelligence Agencies.

WASHINGTON (TNN, FOX, PBS) A new Cabinet post is being recommended in an upcoming report from the 9/11 commission, and the idea is backed by many legislators. This new cabinet level position would oversee all U.S. spies, snoops, thugs, DEA...

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3 Days of Peace, Love and Understanding

UPI, Baghdad, Iraq, July 15, 2004 - Billed as three days of peace, love and understanding, the U.S. government is planning to sponsor the first annual "Baghdadstock Music and Arts Fair" on August 15 - 17.

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What's Eating the Chickens?

Mad cow disease, or bovine spongiform encephalopathy, is believed to cause variant Creutzfeldt-Jakob Disease (CJD), the fatal human equivalent of mad cow disease. The human strain of the disease has been traced to trying to use the word encephalopath...

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Supreme Court Says Men Win…Seats Can Stay Up!

WASHINGTON (BNN), June 30, 2004. - Saving their most important decision for the end of the current term, men everywhere hailed as historic the Supreme Court's decision striking down a controversial Texas state toilet seat law.

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U.S. Coast Guard Save Most Lawyers

Key West, Florida, June 30, 2004. In what Navy and Coast Guard officials are calling "a direct result" of Monday's Supreme Court ruling that terrorists must be allowed access to the American justice system to contest their detention, 661 U.S.

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U.S. Discovers Freedom from Oil

UPI, Holland, June 28, 2004. Faced with increasing pressure from the American consumer for alternative energy sources, President Bush's Secretary of Energy, Spencer Abraham has offered an alternative source of power. Enthusiastic about the wi...

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New White House Director of Communications Named

Funny story: New White House Director of Communications Named

Washington, DC Stardate 299765. White House Director of Communications Dan Bartlett has been fired from his position. Unhappy with his inability to help Bush communicate to the country, Bartlett was moved to "Supervisor of White House Intern...

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Midwest US Hit by Twisters

Funny story: Midwest US Hit by Twisters

UPI, June 24, 2004, Wisconsin, USA. The county's midsection has again been battered with devastating twisters. Crews worked to restore power and clear debris after the twisters tore through Wisconsin. One seriously dislocated ankle was repor...

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No Cars, No Bombs Strategy

Iraq, June 22, 2004. Fifteen terrorists were killed today in a shootout amongst themselves over the last drivable car in Baghdad. It appears that recent car bombings have completely depleted the vehicles in the area. Joe Pacifico of the lo...

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New Muppet Added to Sesame Street

During it's time on the air, Sesame Street has been broadcast to more than 120 million children in 130 nations and three galaxies, making it - according to the Children's Television Workshop, the show's producer-"a really big deal."...

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VP Candidate(s) Diesel Agrees to Debate Himself

AP, Cleveland, Ohio, June 18, 2004. Vin Diesel, the 2004 U.S. Vice Presidential Candidate on both the Democratic and Republican tickets has agreed to debate himself, reports the Commission on Presidential Debates (CPD). As reported earlier i...

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Bush Administration Needs Cheerleaders

Funny story: Bush Administration Needs Cheerleaders

Washington, DC June 16, 2004. George Bush said he is tired of constantly growing public criticism. He directed his staff to find a solution. The Bush administration promptly huddled to identify a way to reverse their daily drop in the pol...

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Vin Diesel Accepts Second VP Nod

Funny story: Vin Diesel Accepts Second VP Nod

AP, Helion, Stardate 17549.1. In a move unprecedented in American politics, Vin Diesel agreed to accept the Republican Vice Presidential candidacy, only days after accepting the Democratic VP candidacy (reported in The Spoof on Stardate 1754...

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Crafty Kerry Woos Voters

Funny story: Crafty Kerry Woos Voters

Pittsburgh, PA, June 15, 2004. In a crafty move to win voter support for the November election, John Kerry announced that the first 26,000,000 voters casting their ballot for him would not have to pay their 2004 Federal Income Taxes. In an a...

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Lakers Suffer Emotional Collapse

Funny story: Lakers Suffer Emotional Collapse

ESPN, June 14, 2004. Game 5 of the NBA Championships, scheduled for Tuesday night, has been indefinitely postponed. The LA Lakers, unable to play, have been bussed to an undisclosed location where they are being treated for Emotional Discomb...

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