Another one of my ambiguous rhyming prose thingys! You know how artists try to perceive life as someone else? Well this is me trying to do that. No need to panic, or call a psychiatrist.
But for God's sake don't tell my mother. She's a fiscal and social conservative.
Got some ropes,
Got some ropes,
With nothing to hide.
Bored outta my mind,
CHICAGO - An new sushi restaurant on 24th Street - The Golden Palace - has been the subject of controversy after some 60% of the population labeled it a 'shrine' to the bombing of Pearl Harbour.
"This defiles the memory of the soldiers who died th...
I feel narcissistic today. That's why this song isn't about me. It's about me not apologising, because I'm so awesome. Bow down to my awesome song/poem/ambiguous rhyming prose.
"No, I'm Not Sorry"
I think that you are sad,
I know you make me bad,
But you don't tell (can't, won't) the truth,
Ain't a man, but all I'd say
I'd love to take back my words,
Was an accident that ne...
WALSALL, W. MIDS - A man has made shit go wrong after misreading instructions.
Ben Phillips was working in his factory when an order came in for fifteen pieces of 20m of wood.
Ben misread the 20m as 20 million, not 20 metres - and ignored the f...
(Published 2013) CYBERTRON, D.C. - After a landslide 'victory' last year by the Republicons - a partnership between the Decepticons and the GOP - has renamed the capital and several large cities after Decepticons, including Megatronica (former New Yo...
GENEZA, SWITZ. - The World Health Organisation (WHO) have declared the E.Coli strain found in cucumbers to be 'some new crazy shit'.
Already, tabloid papers have reported deaths in European countries to have reached the millions that they foresaw,...
(Published 2028) BIRMINGHAM CAPITALIS - The new government - only a week old - has decided to privatise everything, except education and health.
The Conglomeracy Party - a party by transnationals, for transnationals - achieved a near 2:1 win over...
NEW YORK - Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (UAV) #5987-D/A, a Boeing Tracer, was ejected from the US Army in February after several months of tireless work scouting areas of Pakistan and Afghanistan in several surveillance operations.
It still hasn't gott...
[SSSI 7-B] BIRMINGHAM, ENG. - Spoofer Inhopeless founded a new lifeform in his bedroom today.
The spoofer said that he had woken up to see the creature facing him.
"For a bug-thing," he said, "it's big. It's... like... a cross between a beetle,...
(Published in five hours) EARTH/EMPTY SPACE - The 6.9bn humans on the planet saw their entire planet end today.
Earth, which has had a long history of several million years, ended after a giant instability in the Earth's core did some 'weird shit...
WASHINGTON DC - President Obama resigned from his post today after making ridiculously logical points about the feud in the Middle East.
Obama, who appeared on CNN and the BBC, said that Israel needs to 'be more willing to accept a two-party state...
John Smith was your average person. He had a job, a life, friends. Just like you and me.
Except one thing. He had all the world's information in a sophisticated device - which was only the size of a credit card.
His device was shiny, black, and it was his. Whenever the device allowed him to - which was most of the time - he could access trillions of pieces of data with a few taps and clicks...
LOS ANGELES - A fake security update for Apple Mac has hit 100% of all Mac.
Rod Jennens, was hit by the 'update'.
"Man," he said, "Dude, I'm like, not able, to like, access my, like blog, man. I wanted to, you know, like, rant about the corpora...
Another song, Mr/Ms reader. How about a rant? Everyone does a rant-y song.
Nothing makes sense,
Ain't gonna think about it,
All these events,
Are reported so wierdly,
it just confuses me,
Builds things up,
Break them down,
Fooling the uneducated,
Twisting those who aren't,
The news is what you make it,
You make it wrong,
(Published 2031) BIRMINGHAM URBEM - It is only one week before local elections in England, and the PR referendum. Both sides of the debate are gearing up for major campaigning for the battle.
None more so than the No camp. However, political exper...
LOS ANGELES - At the International People of the Year Awards 2011, you won the Loser of the Year Award.
Ben Stiller presented you with the award stating: "This person has been such a loser that the fact the person even got here without getting injured is a miracle."
You gracefully stumbled down the aisle to the stage, where you mumbled a few words of thanks.
"I didn't really feel surprise...
(Published 2016) LONDON URBEM - After the Great Media Crash of 2012, many studios are cutting back.
ITV's Britain's Got Talent is no different. This year, the show will replace the judges on the panel with Panasonic JudgeBots, running Google's A...
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