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Funny story: Can't pay? - We'll take it away! High Court Enforcers demand £1.8 trillion at HM Treasury

Can't pay? - We'll take it away! High Court Enforcers demand £1.8 trillion at HM Treasury

High Court Sheriff enforcers have been hired to seize goods to the value of £1,765,287,432,177.59 after creditors lost faith in the UK's ability to service the national debt. Officials have just 24 hours to pay at least £800 billion by chip-and-pi...

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Funny story: Noel Edmonds 'as bad as' Jeremy Kyle

Noel Edmonds 'as bad as' Jeremy Kyle

Noel Edmonds has been described as a hopeless nacissist and financial bandit in his bid to buy up auntie Beeb at a knock down price. Bosses at the BBC have confirmed interest from Edmonds and a maverick team of misfits in pursuit of the corporatio...

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Funny story: 'Apology' insurance claims rock market

'Apology' insurance claims rock market

Underwriters in Lloyds of London are having their shirts extracted after a slew of succesful claims against 'apology' insurance policies. For years public figures have taken out insurance against the ignominy of having to apologise in public, with...

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Funny story: Germans laugh as ewes sent to the gas chamber

Germans laugh as ewes sent to the gas chamber

A small article in a Bavarian farming journal has caused an international outcry after it was misrepresented in the New York Times yesterday. Following legislation passed by the European Commission, farmers around Munich are switching from machine...

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Funny story: Oliver Pistorius selected to run Hurdles at 2012 Olympics

Oliver Pistorius selected to run Hurdles at 2012 Olympics

In a mixup worthy of a Seb Coe cross-dressing party, Oliver Pistorius has been entered into the 400m Hurdles instead of his chosen event, the 400m. This is a huge setback for team South Africa. Whilst Pistorius has recorded a sub 45 second time in...

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Funny story: Super Gripe, Ocadi and Yyll rated as 'vomit'

Super Gripe, Ocadi and Yyll rated as 'vomit'

Bobbis bank have downgraded Odd-Grip bonds to 'skinner', Ocadi options to 'weeping' and Yyll Group smellies to 'peturbed' in another oily rut on the markets today. Xavier Casini commented - "Ocadi is a tall banker who shops at John Lewis, Super G...

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Funny story: Adele's son predicted to compete in 2032 Olympics

Adele's son predicted to compete in 2032 Olympics

Scientists have made some surprisingly long term predictions about Adele's unborn son Dylan including the first car he will drive, his first fight and which glamour models he will date. Using a technique known as DNA 'embalmoscopy', scientists pre...

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Funny story: Lawyers plan Warsi 'accident'

Lawyers plan Warsi 'accident'

Baroness Warsi, 'bent' Conservative Party Chairperson, was to be run over by a train near Harrow-in-the-Hill, under the instruction of her lawyers - a newspaper claimed today. The Warsi defence team had been left reeling after the latest curry cor...

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Funny story: 'Final Solution' for Energy Crisis

'Final Solution' for Energy Crisis

The government is set to scrap up to 10,000 wind turbines in favour of 2,000,000 exercise bikes to meet the countries future energy needs. Harking back to the workhouse, benefits will be scrapped and all able bodied scroungers will be encouraged...

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Funny story: Stratford residents get free passes to all events at the games

Stratford residents get free passes to all events at the games

Lord Coe is to sell his home in central London complete with 400m running track and cross country course for a record £300 million - according to Fox & Bride property magazine today. Coe is said to be devastated that the hosepipe ban means he...

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Funny story: Rioter selected for Team GB

Rioter selected for Team GB

A man spotted wielding scaffolding poles, lumps of concrete and car doors is the surprise selection for Team GB this summer. Renton Frewshire was apprehended by police in Hackney last summer after turning over their car and spinning it around. How...

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Funny story: Bruno Mars - "Run me over"

Bruno Mars - "Run me over"

If you don't feel like doing anything today, you are not alone - even if you don't wish to 'hang loose' like global megastar Bruno Mars. However, if you are determined to do nothing and can afford to, you are subsequently unlikely to start catchin...

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Funny story: Succession changes could see Cider the 1st on the throne

Succession changes could see Cider the 1st on the throne

The Prime Minister David Cameron is said to have left Buckingham Palace this weekend looking like Beatrice, after it was disclosed that the next in line might not be human. The Queen is rumoured to be redrafting centuries old succession laws that...

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Funny story: F1 Commentators face death penalty in China

F1 Commentators face death penalty in China

Formula 1 commentators have been warned they face the death penalty this Sunday if the Chinese Grand Prix is not exciting. Travel documents have been requisitioned from TV crews already in Shanghai, leading other crews to cancel their trip and rel...

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Funny story: Moolah.web enters mortgage market

Moolah.web enters mortgage market

Moolah.web is set to continue their slow crucifixion of the poor with a mortgage product aimed specifically at "The desperate and gullible." Director Jacob Pretzelwitz was typically frank about the application process. "If they let us through the...

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Funny story: Fundshaft hires Bubblebath-Heggerty

Fundshaft hires Bubblebath-Heggerty

According to Porter economic theory companies can compete in two ways - price leadership or product differentiation. Unlike Primark where you can buy a suit for £29, fund managers are traditionally coy about disclosing all their charges, lest the cus...

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Funny story: Teaching - "Like the man in 'The Scream' by Munch"

Teaching - "Like the man in 'The Scream' by Munch"

A poll by 'YouBruv' has indicated that most teachers strike just for a few days 'breathing space' away from their academies. One teacher felt he was like 'the man in The Scream'. Supply teacher is now one of the most dangerous occupation in the UK...

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