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Highest ever turnout for election

Westminster commentators were delighted with the turnout at the constituency of Much Fiddling in the Marsh, which broke the all-time record. 125% of the electorate voted with the Conservative candidate, Ben Fiddling, who won with a majority of 7,5...

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The Euro is Dead - It's Official!

The fictitious existence of the single European currency is over as IMF Chief, Ban Kandout, announced at a meeting of all the Eurozone Treasury ministers,"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to pass condolences on the sad demise of our much lo...

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Feminists say Labour 'too extreme'

Leaders of the UK feminist movement urge voters to support the Conservatives and not Labour on 6th May. Les Byan, chair of the West Fotherington Feminists Alliance said today,"Us feminists believe in equal treatment between women and men. Labour h...

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Gordon Brown tells truth!

In a scoop for Sky News, they have caught the prime minister saying what he really believes! Speaking privately, but being caught by a microphone, he is heard calling Gilian Duffy a 'bigoted woman' after talking to a life-long Labour supporter in...

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Labour attack prostitutes' customers not the prostitutes!

Funny story: Labour attack prostitutes' customers not the prostitutes!

Extending their campaign of hate against heterosexuals, Jacqui Smith announced that the 'users' of sexual services would be targeted and not the 'dealers'. Ms Smith said,"As part of our campaign to get as many men with criminal records as possible...

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Cambridge congestion charge chronicle continues

In addition to the absurd things that Cambridge are doing to increase congestion in the city, traffic calming ideas are sprouting all over the place. A Spokesperson said, "the best form of traffic calming is another vehicle coming the other way, s...

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Massive increase in Social Services taking children into care

Funny story: Massive increase in Social Services taking children into care

Responding to the criticism of all Social Services departments across the UK over the handling of the Baby P case, West Nowhere Social Services are taking a much more pro-active approach. "We do not want to be caught with our pants down," a spokes...

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Cambs school cuts parental communication to save money

A Cambridgeshire school announced their latest idea to save money - ban parents. A spokeswoman said,"We find parents sticking their noses into what we are doing at school is very wasteful in staff time and completely counter-productive as WE are t...

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Politicians told to stop using the F-word

The Office of Fair campaigning (OFC) has intervened in the election campaign following scores of complaints from your intrepid reporter. BubblyIan is completely sick of the over-use of the F-word in campaigning. All the parties have been saying th...

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Next Dr Who will be female

Funny story: Next Dr Who will be female

In accordance with the requirements under the Inequalities Act 2010 to discriminate in favour of women, the BBC have announced that the next Doctor Who MUST be female. A spokeswoman said,"As with all other media outlets, super-heroes must now all...

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All parties agree to scrap Human Rights

In a rare show of unanimity, all the political parties, including BNP and UKIP, agreed to scrap the Human Rights Act. A Labour party spokeswoman said, "we have cross-party support for this. Scrapping the Human Rights Act is extremely popular in th...

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Cambridge Congestion Charge nearer part 2

Funny story: Cambridge Congestion Charge nearer part 2

Further to the previous story on a massive expansion in traffic lights, Cambridge Council announced today the rejection of yet another really practical, sensible and logical idea to reduce congestion in the city. A spokeswoman said, "BubblyIan con...

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Criminals to be bar-coded

Labour's desperate attempts to demonstrate that they will be tough on crime, if the electorate give them another chance after 13 years of disaster, moved a step closer. Labour party spokeswoman said,"We wanted to improve the efficiency of the Poli...

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IVF babies reject chosen parents

The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Association reported today that 'mistakes' rose from 182 to 334 in the last 12 months. HFEA reported cases of embryos 'gone missing'. In this exclusive, our undercover reporter has the answer - many fertilise...

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Simon Cowell to judge final Prime Ministerial debate on Thursday

Following disappointing ratings for the first 2 debates, BBC have pulled out all the stops to make the third debate the most watched televised news event in history. Famous celeb critic Simon Cowell has agreed to chair and judge the final debate.

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Labour to become 'Feminazi Party'

Harriet Harman announced today that if Labour lose the election on 6th May, it will be because "we are not extreme enough". "We need to distinguish ourselves more successfully from the other pro-female parties like Lib-Dems, Greens and Socialist...

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Tory offer incentive to dads

In a further desperate attempt to appeal to male voters, deserted by all the other parties' pursuit of the female votes, (and to appease the fathers' movement) the Conservatives today announced a 'massive' increase in their support for separated dad...

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Armed forces - a career 'to die for'

Following criticism that their last campaign was more of a travel agency advertisement than an indication of life in the armed forces, the latest advert now shows more realistic life. A spokesmen said, "We accept that we have been misrepresenting...

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