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Perfectly Normal Male Behavior

Dr Herman Hervey Swinefield, the world renowned American philanderer and film critic has hit back against what he calls the unacceptable face of feminism. Touching up and fondling female backsides is all part of being a male sexual predator and p...

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Teresa's Voting Brainwave

Teresa May's latest brainwave is to remove the voting franchise from criminals currently serving prison sentences, partly to placate hardliners on the far right of the party. She is also considering removal of the voting franchise from habitual crimi...

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New Russian Pantomime

Moscow State Ensemble is to produce a brand new Christmas pantomime entitled, Planet of the Poison Dwarf. Guess who is playing the leading role of Putrid the Poison Dwarf, none other than the great leader himself, chosen from the single candidate who...

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Technological home breakthrough

Havvanna Stairlifts have just announced their latest innovation for the modern home with elderly relatives living in. A built in commode for the stairlift to save those poor old crumblies the inconvenience of going to the bathroom and pissing all ove...

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New comedy pairing launched

The new comedy pairing of Ed (the pole) Miliband and ED(Bollocky red)Balls is to be known as the Marxist Brothers. A Labour party spokesman confirmed the pairing as a mind blowing combination of scintillating intellects. Their aim is to take politics...

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Sturgeon's botched sex-change op has astounding revelations for Scottish politics

Our intrepid Weeki Leeks reporter had triumphed again with the following revelations. Thirty something years ago a young Scottish person named Nicholas Sturgeon had a sex change operation performed by Dr Herman Clitterman in his clandestine surgery...

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Lucky Butterflies - Reprise for Glitter's Future Victims

Poor old Garry Glitter is sadly selling the house he recently purchased in Rotherham, mainly to pay for his prison comforts. In one of his last interviews in 2014, Garry stated he was going to retire to Rotherham and pursue his life long passion of b...

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Desparate measures for Milliband

In order to look as if he is in touch with reality and improve his chances of election, Ed Milliband is coming out publicly against the morbid obesity crisis plaguing the country. He intends to bar the morbidly obese and overweight from our televisio...

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Cameron Panicking; Suffers Sleepless Nights

David Cameron is firmly in panic mode regarding the rising star of UKIP leader Nigel Farrage. The poor man is suffering badly from sleepless nights and the return of the old bed-wetting problem, supposedly cured during his late teen years. However, w...

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Monsanto mount UK assault

Mr Frank Enstein, British born managing director of the Monsanto Corporation is to given a knighthood, sponsored by his very good friend David Cameron. In return for this prestigious honour he has promised to make all UK citizens life members of the...

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Vlad, the startling facts

Many theories exist about the origins of Vladimir Putin, or as he is known in Russian high society circles, Vlad the impaler. However, our intrepid weeki leeks reporter has uncovered some surprising hitherto unknown facts about the diminutive Russian...

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Missing airliner finally found intact

A spokesman for the Malasian aviation authority proudly announced that the missing airliner MH370 was found this morning after a night watchman noticed a strange smell coming from a locked hangar. When the hanger was opened by airport police the m...

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Wild speculations continue to grow around Kate Middleton and Prince William's royal Baby

Now that big Kate Windsor has finally dropped her sprog, speculations abound with the inevitable question constantly being asked. Who is the father? Where was horny Harry lurking at the time of conception? Was Windsor using a surrogate and adding lar...

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Pig meat found in hot cross buns

A spokesman for Britain's leading bakery chain admitted that pigmeat was used in millions of hot cross buns on sale this weekend. Most of the major supermarkets have this product on their shelves, discounted at one pound per bun. The chief Rabbi i...

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Compulsory brain scans for appeal court judges

From the first of April all appeal court judges will be forced to undergo compulsory brain scans to see if they really are partially brain dead. The scans are to be carried out in private clinics because the government lacks confidence in the NHS to...

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Mass deportations in the pipeline

The government is seriously cosidering the deportation of more than five million Britons of both Viking and Anglo Saxon Origin. "We need to make room for the next influx of honest hard working eastern europeans," said the prime minister at last ni...

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Parasites on Parade

The latest report from our weeki leeks correspondent, the mole in royal circles. When asked about his contribution to comic relief, William (playboy) Windsor replied in jocular fashion. "I wiped my arse on last weeks Beano." Apparently he still has it delivered every week along with the Dandy and to think that someday he might have the top job. Let us hope that he doesn't have the dreaded royal...

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Cameron on the back foot again

Cammy and his mate Cleggy are to rush through emergency legislation to lower the age of consent for sex with small boys, after the PM was ambushed on TV by a concerned presenter. Speculation is for the age to be lowered to eight, which should serve t...

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