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Spoof stories written by C. Cranium

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Funny story: Tree Bark Diet Guarantees Weight Loss

Tree Bark Diet Guarantees Weight Loss

Two species of trees are known to have edible bark: the Ginkgo biloba, and the Acer pubica, or common exposed maple. Ginkgo is readily available in health food stores and used in various concoctions. Ginkgo is known to promote robust lateral phe...

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Funny story: Tina Turner Rocks Egypt

Tina Turner Rocks Egypt

The next concert date for Tina Turner is Feb. 4, 2011. Not so weird for a 77-year-old foxy rocker 'rollin down the river'. The venue however is pretty unusual - it's at the Pyramids and its sponsored by Hosni Mubarak. Appearing with Tin...

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Funny story: State of Union becomes 51st State

State of Union becomes 51st State

Shortly after president Obama's State of the Union speech a group of influential senators and congressmen from both parties met to discuss legislation that would leapfrog the competitors in the global race for economic dominance. After a few cou...

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Funny story: Cold Fusion Returns

Cold Fusion Returns

Those scientist guys Ferrante and Telcher were famous for a brief moment when they created energy from nothing and called it Cold Fusion. The world was amazed and anxious for the near future when energy was free. Other scientists however were...

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Funny story: New York Bermuda Triangle

New York Bermuda Triangle

In recent years more than 40 automobiles, drivers, and passengers have disappeared for days while navigating on roads and highways in up-state New York. Little news of these occurrences ever reaches the media who is blinded by purported intellectua...

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Funny story: Urinals for the Masses

Urinals for the Masses

Ads for new products in the plumbing industry tend to sizzle with lackluster. Eyelids are at half-mast when the latest drain cleaner ad airs on network TV and even when the secret ingredient is plastic explosives. There is however a new plumbing...

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Funny story: Yasser Arafat was a Comedian and then a Terrorist

Yasser Arafat was a Comedian and then a Terrorist

Archeologists in Syria have discovered a modern terrorist hideout amongst ancient ruins located near the King Habibi Airport. Thousand year old artifacts were discovered along with skeletal parts during the construction of a Habibi Hummus fast food...

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Funny story: Jeter Dumps Yankees and Becomes Hindu

Jeter Dumps Yankees and Becomes Hindu

Derrick Jeter, frustrated by lack of new big honking contract, has forsaken baseball for cricket and Christianity for Hinduism. Effective March 1, 2011 Derek Jeter will suit up in the orange and more orange of the Mumbai Monkeys. Contract and...

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Funny story: Johnny Depp Cast in Hermione Gingold Remake

Johnny Depp Cast in Hermione Gingold Remake

The 1969 never-quite-a-cult classic, and made for television movie, Winter for the Witch starring Hermione Gingold is being remade by Indie great John Sayles. Johnny Depp is in the title role, the Witch Sam, and unknown child actor Boomer Zenor is the pre-adolescent Aristotle Jones. Lisa Kudrow plays Aristotle's Mother, Bridget; Steve Martin is the real estate salesman, Joe; and Ernest Borgnine...

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Funny story: Retire Now, Work Later

Retire Now, Work Later

Company has answer to backwards dilemma: What is retirement and why does it have to come at the end of your career and life? Why not retire when you are 21 and able to enjoy your full potential? Work can wait, but your youth and health are on a declining scale. Waiting until you are 65 is like waiting until the expiration date has passed. Milk may still be palatable after its expiry...

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Funny story: Human Mutation Factors Identified

Human Mutation Factors Identified

Life for mankind during the twentieth century was a roller coaster of immense changes and extreme pressure on brains geared for hunter gathering. To date the scientific explanation as to what the volley of changes has meant to genes and DNA has been...

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Funny story: Scary Winter Forecast for Hawaii

Scary Winter Forecast for Hawaii

It is fall and the waves are getting big, the surfers are stoked, and the dreaded Hawaiian winter is rapidly approaching. Weather predictions are particularly dire for this year where daily highs may only reach 78 Fahrenheit during the dark month of...

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Funny story: Cowboys Don't Complain

Cowboys Don't Complain

Unlike the stoic British, who bravely endure, cowboys accept their lot by simmering until they boil. Kicking a rock as hard as possible is an acceptable resolution for pent up anger. Or, if there is a rattlesnake handy, stomping the hell out of him before he bites you is high on the kick butt list of cowboy psychological frustration responses. Ignoring a whiner, who in response escalates his ve...

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Funny story: Trials of a Down East Vacation

Trials of a Down East Vacation

Reporting from the State of Maine. To get to Maine from Boston you must drive north on interstate 95. On the way stop in New Hampshire and pick up some bargain liquor. At least it seems to be bargain liquor prices until you add in the road tolls that subsidize the State Liquor Store. It may end up costing the same as at home, but you will be stocked up for the stay. In the interest of ke...

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Funny story: David Sedaris Releases New Book, 'Boxing for Pain'

David Sedaris Releases New Book, 'Boxing for Pain'

David Sedaris, famous Santa's Elf, has written another life experience book that takes him in a surprising new and unexpected direction. As with his other books there are stand-alone chapters with hilarious stories; hunting and cooking truffles, arg...

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Funny story: Rastafarian Rats Raid Reno

Rastafarian Rats Raid Reno

Sparks, Nevada. Locals always wondered what the Revlon employees did at the factory building next to the old Harrah's Auto collection museum. The building has no windows and the employees, friendly enough, always said they were under contract not...

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Funny story: Read this Spoof and Get a Dollar

Read this Spoof and Get a Dollar

Spoof writer BurgeoningIndustry has an ingenious business plan based on the saying 'you have to spend money to make money', that he believes will make him millions. Investors all agree that money doesn't grow on carrot trees, and that gold at the en...

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