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Spoof stories written by Amethyst Ryder

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"Shoot an M16, help remove Gabrielle Giffords from office": Spokesman for campaign rival sees "no connection" to Saturday's shooting

Funny story: "Shoot an M16, help remove Gabrielle Giffords from office": Spokesman for campaign rival sees "no connection" to Saturday's shooting

Tucson, AZ - In the wake of the shooting of Arizona Representative Gabrielle Giffords, in which six people were killed and 13 others were injured, a spokesman for Giffords' Republican opponent dismissed claims that the 2010 campaign's heated rhetoric...

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Ghost of Tony Randall haunts Elton John

Funny story: Ghost of Tony Randall haunts Elton John

Iconic musician Sir Elton John gets no rest of late. It's not because his infant son Zachary keeps him awake at night; Zachary is, by all accounts, a surprisingly well-tempered baby. Rather, the ghost of actor Tony Randall has taken it upon himself...

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Brett Favre pursues professional photography

Funny story: Brett Favre pursues professional photography

As another football season ends for the Minnesota Vikings, retiring quarterback Brett Favre announced his plans to pursue a second career as a professional photographer. "I'm leaving professional football behind me--no, really, I am--for real, thi...

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Orange Alert: There's a Boehner in the House

Funny story: Orange Alert: There's a Boehner in the House

Washington, D.C. - Capitol Hill correspondent Amethyst Ryder spoke with U.S. Representative John Boehner (R-OH) on Thursday as he settled into his new role as Speaker of the House. "There are going to be some changes around here," Boehner said as...

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Tony Randall on Elton John's fatherhood: "Elton started young!"

Funny story: Tony Randall on Elton John's fatherhood: "Elton started young!"

In a rare statement issued from the afterlife, actor Tony Randall dismissed concerns that Elton John is too old to be a new father. "Too old? Ridiculous," said Randall, who died in 2004 at the age of 84. "Why, I was more than ten years older tha...

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Minnesota woman spends New Year's 2011 watching Black Adder reruns

Funny story: Minnesota woman spends New Year's 2011 watching Black Adder reruns

Outer Suburbia, Minnesota - While many people were heralding the arrival of 2011 with revelry and fireworks and kneeling before the Porcelain God, local resident Helena Handbasket stayed home and watched the entire four seasons of Black Adder, plus B...

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Susan Boyle reveals she is mother of Elton's baby

Funny story: Susan Boyle reveals she is mother of Elton's baby

Scottish singer Susan Boyle shocked the world as she announced in a press conference today that she is the mother of the baby born to famous gay couple Sir Elton John and David Furnish. "When Sir Elton approached me, I thought, well, there's one m...

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Santa Got Shot Down by Sarah Palin

Funny story: Santa Got Shot Down by Sarah Palin

Santa got shot down by Sarah Palin Flyin' over Alaska, yes sirree She said we don't need no socialistic Brainwash in the land of the free She'd been drinkin' lots of strong tea Sarah wandered out the door Grabbed her rifle from the pickup And she swaggered on to settle up a score We found Santa in the mornin' Face-down in the Alaska snow Sarah said to us, "Gosh, darn it Ya know that...

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Survey shows America is Greatest Country Ever

Funny story: Survey shows America is Greatest Country Ever

More than two-thirds of Americans surveyed agree that America is Number One on Planet Earth. In a recent Yeehaw! poll, a random selection of Americans were asked to answer the question, "Do you agree with the statement that America is the greatest...

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Michael Jackson never existed

Funny story: Michael Jackson never existed

Reports that the body of pop star Michael Jackson has gone missing have spurred one celebrity watcher to make a startling counter-claim: there never was a body to begin with. "The 80s phenom known as Michael Jackson was a chimera," claims pop cul...

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Breakthrough discovery: Dinosaurs, prehistoric mammals shared common language

Funny story: Breakthrough discovery: Dinosaurs, prehistoric mammals shared common language

Millions of years ago, dinosaurs roared upon the Earth. That is the startling discovery of Reina McSpamster, 18 months, of Outer Suburbia, Minnesota. This author accompanied McSpamster on a recent expedition to the Science Museum of Minnesota, w...

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The Collaboration, Chapter 6 - Minnesota Nice Goes to Tibet

Funny story: The Collaboration, Chapter 6 - Minnesota Nice Goes to Tibet

Far in the mysted, mystical mountains of Tibet, Lena Oleson reached the end of one of many paths up the same mountain, and there she halted. "Wow," she huffed, trying to catch her breath. "That was a heckuva climb." A man in the robes of a Tibetan Buddhist monk stepped forward. "Good morning, madam," he greeted in English. "It appears, perhaps, that you have lost your way." "Oh, no," s...

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Spoofer Skoob changes forum avatar!

Funny story: Spoofer Skoob changes forum avatar!

In a move that registered 4.2 on the Richter Scale, longtime spoofer Skoob1999 has, without warning and for no reason apparent to anyone observing, changed the avatar he uses on the Discussion Forum at TheSpoof.com. Instead of a cartoon man hunche...

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Tofu shrimp hot new trend in Cajun cooking

Funny story: Tofu shrimp hot new trend in Cajun cooking

Due to the annihilation of the Gulf of Mexico's shrimp population by the BP oil catastrophe, creative coastal cooks have turned to vegetarian shrimp as a substitute. "Our city was built on shrimp," said New Orleans chef Martin Mouton. "Well, actu...

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Touchdown Jesus protests World Cup

Funny story: Touchdown Jesus protests World Cup

A "warning from the Lord" was revealed this week in Monroe, Ohio, says a minister in nearby Ohnoes. Touchdown Jesus, a 60-foot plastic foam and fiberglass statue with arms raised high like a football referee, went up in smoke on June 14 when lightni...

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The Day the Sausage Died

Funny story: The Day the Sausage Died

Good-bye, Jimmy Dean Though I hardly knew you at all You really knew how to grind the pork And spice it up just right... So there I was, this morning, riding the bus home from work, and I'm thinking I might make eggs and toast for breakfast when I get home. And I think, hey, some turkey sausage would be good with the eggs and toast. (Turkey sausage because even though I wrote "pork" in...

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The Collaboration, Chapter 2 - At the Clinic

Funny story: The Collaboration, Chapter 2 - At the Clinic

"Hold still." "I--goddamn it! That hurt!" "I told you to hold still." "Where the hell did you get your license, out of a box of Weetabix?" "No, I cut it off a box of Cap'n Crunch. Now hold still." I woke up this morning as a person with his injured thumb screaming more painfully than all the fucking vuvuzelas in South Africa. In other words, as myself. The only inspiration I had...

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Ramen noodle smuggling ring eludes capture

Funny story: Ramen noodle smuggling ring eludes capture

A worldwide network of illicit distribution of counterfeit ramen noodle products continues to elude the grasp of the finest minds in police investigation. Based upon traditional Asian noodle soups made from basic food ingredients, these desiccated,...

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