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Funny story: Cubs Win World Series; Christ Returns to Earth

Cubs Win World Series; Christ Returns to Earth

CLEVELAND--In a move Vatican officials are calling "purely coincidental," to the Chicago Cubs' victory in the World Series, Jesus Christ, Son of God and Savior of Humanity, left His place at the right hand of the Father early Thursday morning, and ha...

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Funny story: Ex-Girlfriend Probably Just Marrying That Guy to Make You Jealous

Ex-Girlfriend Probably Just Marrying That Guy to Make You Jealous

ASHBURN, VA--While browsing Facebook Tuesday, area man Robbie Harrison stumbled upon the account of ex-girlfriend Carrie Close, replete with postings concerning her wedding next April. After careful consideration, Harrison concluded that Close, with...

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Funny story: "They Let Anyone Into the Hancock High School Hall of Fame These Days," Athletic Director Complains

"They Let Anyone Into the Hancock High School Hall of Fame These Days," Athletic Director Complains

LEMAY, MO--An outraged John Dupree, Athletic Director for Hancock Senior High School, called reporters into his office Thursday to make known his anger with what he feels is the growing ease to which alumni have been elected to the Hancock High Schoo...

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Funny story: Area Mom's Facebook Response to Nice Attack Notes She Had a Great Meal There Once

Area Mom's Facebook Response to Nice Attack Notes She Had a Great Meal There Once

MORRISTOWN, NJ--In a Facebook post offering her condolences on the tragic events unfolding in Nice, France, area mother Brianna Simpson pointedly noted that she had a great meal in Nice several years ago. "My heart is broken about what is happenin...

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Funny story: That Old Girl's Still Got a Few More Rounds in Her, Area Dad Says

That Old Girl's Still Got a Few More Rounds in Her, Area Dad Says

SOUIX FALLS, SD--Despite acknowledging that the trusted servant was "on her last legs," area dad Phil Boyd advised his son Trevor Tuesday that the old girl still had a few more uses left in her before her time comes. "She's near the end, no do...

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Funny story: Oh, God, Bathroom Door in Friends' House Doesn't Lock

Oh, God, Bathroom Door in Friends' House Doesn't Lock

CANTON, CT--Panic consumed area man Paul Erikson Sunday, upon discovering that the lock for the bathroom door inside friend Matt Hordiman's house was not operational. "Shit, now what am I gonna do?" A desperate Erikson was overhead saying to hims...

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Funny story: Woman Being Followed in Google Doc by Quiet Guy in Marketing

Woman Being Followed in Google Doc by Quiet Guy in Marketing

NEW YORK--While updating monthly sales info on a shared Google Doc, ABM Industries employee Brooke Santos noted Tuesday that Mark Furness--that quiet guy who works in marketing--had been digitally following her throughout the spreadsheet, despite the...

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Funny story: Girlfriend Could Have Done at Least a Little Research Before Seeing "The Force Awakens"

Girlfriend Could Have Done at Least a Little Research Before Seeing "The Force Awakens"

CANTON, OH--Exhibiting an almost complete lack of knowledge about the Star Wars universe with questions such as "Which one is Darth Vader?" and "So the Force is like magic?" sources confirmed Wednesday that area woman Jen Calderson provoked the i...

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Funny story: "Any Attack by Sanders Against This Campaign Would Be a Useless Gesture," Sneers Imperial Commander Clinton

"Any Attack by Sanders Against This Campaign Would Be a Useless Gesture," Sneers Imperial Commander Clinton

MANCHESTER, NH--Sitting in council with her advisers in preparation for her debate with Bernie Sanders, Imperial Commander Clinton dismissed any claims that Sanders' campaign posed a threat to her own, declaring that the Clinton Machine was "medi...

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Funny story: Nerd Still Two Star Wars Films from Forgiving J.J. Abrams for Lost

Nerd Still Two Star Wars Films from Forgiving J.J. Abrams for Lost

LAFAYETTE, IN--While acknowledging that The Force Awakens exceeded his expectations and has left him excited about the future of the Star Wars franchise, local nerd Michael Leclere told reporters Monday that he has still not forgiven J.J. Abrams...

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Funny story: Job Applicant Sets Himself Apart with Thank You Note

Job Applicant Sets Himself Apart with Thank You Note

ELKHART, IN--Saying that he had never before seen such passion and originality in an applicant, Marshall & Inmark hiring manager Karl Sayers told reporters Thursday that 24-year-old Peter Heintzelman had "all but clinched" the marketing assistant...

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Funny story: Obama Orders American Flag Lowered to Half-Staff in Anticipation of Next Mass Shooting

Obama Orders American Flag Lowered to Half-Staff in Anticipation of Next Mass Shooting

WASHINGTON--Noting it was best to "get a jump on this thing," President Obama ordered a preemptive lowering of the nation's flags to half-staff in anticipation of the next mass shooting to befall the country Friday. "At this juncture, I feel...

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Funny story: Idiot in fast lane only going 78

Idiot in fast lane only going 78

CONNECTICUT--In defiance of simple highway courtesy, commuters on I-95 southbound reported Wednesday that the owner of a 2005 Volvo S60 was traveling at a paltry 78 miles per hour, despite the fact that the car was in the left-hand lane. "God, can...

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Funny story: Benefits and drawbacks of E-cigarettes

Benefits and drawbacks of E-cigarettes

With e-cigarette use on the rise, many are wondering whether the battery-operated device is the answer to the dangers posed by traditional burning tobacco. Here's a helpful list of pros and cons to help you consider if e-cigarettes are right for you. PRO • None of the health risks, all of the aesthetic coolness • No longer feel guilty after visiting cancer-stricken uncle in hospital • Might...

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Funny story: Paul McCartney: I think now is the time to admit that "Helter Skelter" really was about a race war

Paul McCartney: I think now is the time to admit that "Helter Skelter" really was about a race war

This August marks the 44th anniversary of the Tate-LaBianca murders, a brutal killing spree orchestrated by a lunatic named Charles Manson. Manson's justification for the murders was that a Beatles song--"Helter Skelter", largely written by me--prophesized a violent uprising in which blacks would murder most of the white race. Manson believed that the Tate-LaBianca murders would spark the...

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Funny story: Statistically speaking, someone in the world thinks "White Chicks" is the greatest film ever made - an opinion piece

Statistically speaking, someone in the world thinks "White Chicks" is the greatest film ever made - an opinion piece

Statistics is a funny science. The process of collecting and interpreting data can often lead to some unpleasant, odd, or belief-defying answers. It doesn't always yield perfect results, but like any scientific endeavor, we can be sure more often than not that our work, if done correctly, leads us to the truth. But of all the claims we can make using statistics, perhaps the most outrageous is the...

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Funny story: Wall Street Journal attempting to appeal to female readers with "Ten ways to drive your economy wild."

Wall Street Journal attempting to appeal to female readers with "Ten ways to drive your economy wild."

In an effort to appeal to younger and female demographics, the Wall Street Journal ran an editorial in its weekend edition entitled "Ten ways to drive your economy wild", reproduced here. 1. Send your economy salacious consumer confidence indicators throughout the day. 2. Dirty talk: don't be afraid to show your economy your inner Chairman of the Joint Select Committee on Deficit Reduction.

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