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Funny story: Root For England Skipper Say Foes

Root For England Skipper Say Foes

Calls to promote England cricket's new young hero, Joe Root, to captain were welcomed around the world today. The 22-year-old who has scored centuries in back-to-back tests is being hailed as the man save England cricket following the dismal run u...

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Funny story: Halloween Poetry Has Local Housewives Flustered

Halloween Poetry Has Local Housewives Flustered

Local housewives were left flustered last night thanks to schoolboys and their enthusiasm for Halloween larks. Answering the door to suspected trick-or-treaters the women were, in stead, surprised to be regaled with romantic poetry. "It all sta...

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Funny story: Alice Roberts Fans Irate Over Scheduling Fiasco

Alice Roberts Fans Irate Over Scheduling Fiasco

Fans of thinking man's totty boffin Alice Roberts are furious at what they describe as a scheduling "fiasco" with tonight's prime-time viewing. Prof Roberts's latest programme Prehistoric Autopsy screens at 9pm on BBC2 - clashing directly with pop...

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Funny story: Andrew Strauss Steps Down - Graeme Smith 'Devastated.'

Andrew Strauss Steps Down - Graeme Smith 'Devastated.'

South African cricket captain Graeme Smith is said to be "devastated" following the news that Andrew Strauss is to retire from professional cricket. Strauss was expected to announce his resignation today after a winter and summer during which his...

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Funny story: International Superstars Line Up For Stricken Pompey!

International Superstars Line Up For Stricken Pompey!

Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi, Carlos Tevez, Juan Mata... a team line-up to die for? Well it seems fans of stricken Portsmouth, will soon be on life support as some of the greatest names in the game sign up to help the club out of its difficulti...

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Funny story: Proms Review: Prom 44

Proms Review: Prom 44

Ligeti, Berio, Xenakis, Harvey, Andriessen, Cage. Byron Fulcher - trombone Sound Intermedia London Sinfonietta London Sinfonietta Academy Ensemble André Ridder, conductor. Pierre Noxious writes: The earlier Prom last night was some nice stuff by Delius, Saint-Saëns and Tchaikovsky played by the Royal Phil under Charles Dutoit and featuring hot property young ivory-tickler Benjamin Gro...

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Funny story: Olympics Spur On Local Gymnastic Hopefuls

Olympics Spur On Local Gymnastic Hopefuls

A local playground is the centre of Great Britain's hopes for gymnastic gold in 2016 and beyond. While groups of yummy mummies and alpha mums look on with pride, toddlers and youngsters barely out of nappies are learning the ropes on the apparatus...

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Funny story: Metamorphosis: Titian 2012. National Gallery. Review

Metamorphosis: Titian 2012. National Gallery. Review

Proserpine Gainsborough-Halfwit visits the Sainsbury Wing to see some contemporary resonses to Ovid's poetry alongside the Venetian great... It can be soooo dull looking at nudes with boyfriends, so I wasn't looking forward to it when Dicky Featherstonehaugh-Tomsk insisted he wanted to come with me to this. Dicky's all right, but he can come across as a bit, you know, pervy. But when I ta...

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Funny story: Tony Blair "All Wrong" Over Not Hanging Bankers Says Academic

Tony Blair "All Wrong" Over Not Hanging Bankers Says Academic

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair is wrong when he says we should not hang bankers in anger over the current financial mess, says a leading academic. In an interview with the Daily Telegraph today, Mr Blair defends the free market and liberal econo...

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Funny story: Professor Green, Elton John And Queen Star At Centre Of Rock Heirarchy Row

Professor Green, Elton John And Queen Star At Centre Of Rock Heirarchy Row

Some of Britain's top pop and rock stars are at the centre of a row over heirarchy following publication of a letter about music piracy in a national newspaper. The letter to the Daily Telegraph is signed by pop mogul Simon Cowell, Roger Daltrey a...

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Funny story: Paul Simon at Hard Rock Calling - Review

Paul Simon at Hard Rock Calling - Review

EIF News & Features' tame music critic Pierre Noxious hasn't put pen to paper for us for a while, so when we heard he was going to see Paul Simon at Hyde Park we water-boarded him until he agreed to review the show for us at standard NUJ rates… Paul Simon is a songwriter and musician of unparalleled skill, observation, wit and talent. Just as well really, because Hyde Park is a horrible,...

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Funny story: Clean Sweep For Police At Dorking Summer Festival

Clean Sweep For Police At Dorking Summer Festival

Dorking Police's amateur hobbyists were celebrating yesterday after sweeping the board at the town's Annual Festival. The force's enthusiasts picked up the top gongs in contests for painting, photography, acting, gardening... you name it: if there...

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Funny story: U2's Adam Upset Over "Greedy" Gibe

U2's Adam Upset Over "Greedy" Gibe

Adam Clayton, bass player with Irish megastar rock band U2, is said to be "upset and in hiding" following a court case in which his personal assistant was jailed for seven years. Carol Hawkins was jailed by Judge Patrick McCartan at Dublin's Circu...

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Funny story: Shannon Airport's US Emigration Facilities "Cause Concern." Apparently.

Shannon Airport's US Emigration Facilities "Cause Concern." Apparently.

The future of pre-clearance US emigration facilities at Shannon Airport, Ireland, is causing concern. UK Irish community newspaper The Irish World reports this week: "It comes amid reports that the US Department of Homeland Security is set to redu...

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Funny story: Question Time Braced For Anarchy

Question Time Braced For Anarchy

Never mind the bollocks - it's Question Time! BBC chiefs are bracing themselves for they don't quite know what tonight as political debate show Question Time features former Sex Pistol John Lydon as a panellist. Lydon - or Johnny Rotten, as he...

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Funny story: Fashion Store Plans Nazi Europe T-Shirt After Success Of Slave Trade Version

Fashion Store Plans Nazi Europe T-Shirt After Success Of Slave Trade Version

A nationwide fashion chain is planning to market a T-shirt bearing a print of a Nazi map of Europe in 1943. TossPot came up with the idea following the success of a shirt whose design is a reproduction of an antique map depicting the transatlantic...

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Funny story: Higgs Boson Found! It's About Time Says Sweeney Vet

Higgs Boson Found! It's About Time Says Sweeney Vet

Cern scientists revealing results from the Large Hadron Collider have claimed the discovery of a new particle consistent with the Higgs boson. Boffins have been searching for 45 years for the particle which they believe will explain how matter at...

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